DEAR ABBY: When I was 4, my two older siblings and I were taken from our mother and her live-in boyfriend by Social Services. All three of us had been victims of molestation. We had also been exposed to illicit drugs. If that wasn't enough, I later learned that our grandfather was also our father. I spent half my childhood in three different foster homes until, finally, at the age of 8, I was adopted by a caring family.
Eleven years went by, and I never heard from any of them. Then one day, my father received a call from one of my sisters. The two of them had been looking for me. He told them where I could be found. At first, I was overjoyed to hear from them. Of course, I made contact with my birth mother after that.
We have now been communicating for 10 years, and it has been nothing but pure hell. Every time we speak, I'm reminded of the horrible events that occurred when we were younger. So much so, that it has affected my sex life with my husband.
I don't want to subject my family to this anymore. How can I tell them I want to cease all contact with them without causing a huge uproar? Please help me. -- MISERABLE IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR MISERABLE: I'm surprised you waited this long to ask that question. Your reasons for waiting to be left alone seem reasonable to me. Inform your siblings and your unfit birth mother that contact with them is so painful for you that it has affected your marriage, and you must stop it. Do not apologize for your feelings or allow yourself to be made to feel guilty. Explain this to your adoptive parents as well so they can't be used as pawns. And if necessary, block unwanted calls, e-mails, etc.
Because it appears you did not get counseling as a result of the sexual abuse you suffered as a child, and it has adversely affected your relationship with your husband, I urge you to do it now. Your physician can refer you to a trained psychotherapist who can help you deal with your past. For the sake of your marriage, please don't wait any longer to do this.