DEAR ABBY: I work at a large zoo, in the children's zoo department. I cannot count the number of times I have heard parents, out of ignorance or impatience, lie to their child about the animals they are observing.

In an enclosure with several species of animal, for example, they will tell their child that pygmy species (smaller than non-pygmy when full-grown) are actually babies of large animals. I have also seen them give incorrect information about animal behavior, diet and habitat.

I want to ask these parents for something: Respect your child enough to admit that you sometimes don't know the answer to their question. If you don't know the answer, ask a keeper. We are usually on hand and never mind talking about the animals we love and interact with daily. We enjoy showing people how amazing and fulfilling these animals can be, and it pains us to hear parents provide misinformation to children. -- A KEEPER IN THE EAST

DEAR KEEPER: You have rattled the right cage. My assistant, Sherry, who is a docent at the Los Angeles Zoo, informs me that your complaint is all too common among staff at zoos.

It does a child a grave disservice to give him or her misinformation. Children are little vessels. If you fill their heads with nonsense, they'll pour it forth at a later date -– embarrassing themselves in front of friends or in the classroom, where they'll feel like idiots when it's pointed out that they are wrong.

It seems that one of the most difficult phrases in the English language for people to utter is, "I don't know." Perhaps that's because they are afraid it will make them appear stupid, so they try to fill the vacuum by saying something -– a mistake. A more constructive approach is to say, "I don't know, but I'll help you get the answer," especially when talking to a child. Nobody knows everything, and learning is most fun when it's a shared endeavor.

Zoos were created for the purpose of education, conversation, recreation and research. When visiting a zoo, if you have a question, you should ask a zookeeper or a docent, if one is provided.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old woman, married to a man in his mid-50s. "Andre" and I have an 8-year-old daughter together, and he has three grown sons I helped him raise over the last 10 years.

My problem is I feel deep inside that I'm missing out on what is supposed to be my "real" life. I know I was meant to have more children, but Andre had a vasectomy and doesn't want any more. I would like to return to college and get my degree, but Andre doesn't support that, either. I'd like to work with children or in a helping profession; Andre refuses to listen.

I have tried to ignore my feelings. I have been to counselors, and on and off anti-depressants for years. I don't think I love my husband anymore, and I feel in my heart that this marriage isn't healthy for me or our child. But I can't seem to make myself leave because of our daughter. (Not to mention that Andre tells me all the time how much he loves me.)

Bottom line: At what point is it OK to make a decision you know will hurt someone else just for yourself? -- UNHAPPY IN NEBRASKA

DEAR UNHAPPY: Because counseling and medication haven't helped, the time is now, while your husband can still find a woman whose values are more similar to his own than yours are.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Aurora From Milwaukee" wrote that she was concerned about where she would be buried if her first husband died and she was to remarry. You replied: "Some widows (and widowers) remarry with the understanding that he or she would be buried with the first spouse. The logical and primary reason is that this will give the children from the first marriage one place to pay respects to both parents." You also said she could ask that her remains be cremated and divided equally between both husbands.

My second husband provided me with a better solution. My first husband and I were married for 25 years and had three children. We divorced on friendly terms. I had been married to my second husband for 29 years when my first husband died, leaving me to legally follow through with all his wishes. At my suggestion, the kids and my current husband went to the cemetery to make cremation arrangements. My husband stood back until the kids and I had completed the purchase of a niche for husband No. 1's urn. Then he stepped forward and said, "If it's OK with my wife, I'd like to purchase the adjoining double niche for her and for me when our time comes." The kids readily agreed, and I couldn't have been more pleased.

As I write this, the urns we purchased are already waiting in our new niche. Mine sits between husband No. 1 and husband No. 2. I hope this helps your readers recognize that not all families live in hatred of exes and stepfamilies. -- TWICE-MARRIED IN THE USA

DEAR TWICE-MARRIED: It certainly sets a worthy example. Although the subject of death and funerals is usually a downer, I must confess that some of the letters I received in response to "Aurora's" question made me smile. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In a rural cemetery in southeast Licking County (Ohio), there's a large black tombstone bearing a woman's name. She's buried between "Darling Husband George" and "Darling Husband Ray." Perhaps this will be of interest to "Aurora." -- JAMES MCC., NEWARK, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: When I was about 5 or 6, I spent part of the summer at my grandma's, and overheard her talking to her sister about a woman whose husband had died and been buried in a large family plot. Her second husband died and was also buried there. When the woman passed away, she was buried between her two husbands.

I asked Grandma if all three were holding hands down there. It took me years to live that one down. -- ARNOLD S., CENTERVILLE, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: My wife died in 1997. I'm a veteran of World War II, and we chose the usual veteran's tombstone for her grave. We had both her name and my name inscribed on the stone. She was buried in the family plot at our local cemetery.

My younger brother died in 2000. He was also a World War II vet, and his widow chose a veteran's tombstone for his grave. His widow had both his name and hers inscribed on the stone. He was buried next to my wife in the family plot.

My brother's widow and I married each other in 2002. Our marriage solved the problem posed by "Aurora." We plan to be buried beside our first spouses and second spouses. -- ROBERT IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: That letter reminded me of a similar question that appeared in your column years ago. The writer was a man who had remarried after his first wife died. He said he wanted to be buried between the two wives, "but tilt me toward Tillie." -- BETTY J., EUGENE, ORE.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been using your booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions" for many years. The suggestions and samples you included for writing letters of thanks, congratulations, condolences, etc. have been extremely helpful -- particularly the section on condolence letters because so often I have difficulty finding the right words.

It has reached the point that my booklet is falling apart. If it's still published, I would like a copy for myself, plus copies for my two daughters who now live on their own. How can I order them? -- PAMELA IN SCARSDALE, N.Y.

DEAR PAMELA: Thank you for the kind words about the Letters booklet. I am pleased that it has been helpful to you. I agree that sometimes putting one's feelings into words isn't easy.

Yes, "How to Write Letters for All Occasions" is still in print. Copies can be purchased by sending a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm disabled and have a dog trained to accompany me in public places. How should I deal with the nosy, sometimes hostile reactions I get from people who assume that only Seeing Eye dogs are allowed in public?

Many disabled people stop taking their medically necessary dogs in public because of this problem. -- MARY IN NORTH HILLS, CALIF.

DEAR MARY: Your assistance dog should have an identifying harness or jacket it wears when it is on the job. If that isn't enough to solve the issue and you are denied entrance to a business because of the animal, ask to speak to the manager. If the questioner is another customer, rather than becoming defensive, consider it an opportunity to educate someone who is probably asking out of curiosity or ignorance. Many people are unaware that dogs are now trained to help people with a wide-ranging array of problems, and not just those who are blind.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Stacy," who has a mental illness and is on public assistance. I try to help her out by giving her rides to various places. Yesterday I gave her a ride to the store. She knew I was low on diapers, so she shoplifted some for me. I didn't know what to do because Stacy is emotionally unstable and can get verbally abusive when confronted, and I had the baby with me so I accepted the diapers and drove her home.

I am uncomfortable using the diapers and would like to return them, but I don't know how to go about doing so without getting Stacy into trouble, because she doesn't know that what she is doing is wrong. Also, could I have been arrested, too, if Stacy had been stopped? -- PAMPERED IN BENSENVILLE, ILL.

DEAR PAMPERED: Yes, you could have been arrested as an accessory to your friend's shoplifting if she had been caught. You have a responsibility to your baby. You don't need problems with the law. In a non-confrontational way, speak to Stacy and make it clear that you cannot condone what she did, nor accept any more stolen property. Tell her if it happens again you will no longer be able to provide her with transportation. As for the diapers, donate them to a shelter.