DEAR ABBY: "Aurora From Milwaukee" wrote that she was concerned about where she would be buried if her first husband died and she was to remarry. You replied: "Some widows (and widowers) remarry with the understanding that he or she would be buried with the first spouse. The logical and primary reason is that this will give the children from the first marriage one place to pay respects to both parents." You also said she could ask that her remains be cremated and divided equally between both husbands.

My second husband provided me with a better solution. My first husband and I were married for 25 years and had three children. We divorced on friendly terms. I had been married to my second husband for 29 years when my first husband died, leaving me to legally follow through with all his wishes. At my suggestion, the kids and my current husband went to the cemetery to make cremation arrangements. My husband stood back until the kids and I had completed the purchase of a niche for husband No. 1's urn. Then he stepped forward and said, "If it's OK with my wife, I'd like to purchase the adjoining double niche for her and for me when our time comes." The kids readily agreed, and I couldn't have been more pleased.

As I write this, the urns we purchased are already waiting in our new niche. Mine sits between husband No. 1 and husband No. 2. I hope this helps your readers recognize that not all families live in hatred of exes and stepfamilies. -- TWICE-MARRIED IN THE USA

DEAR TWICE-MARRIED: It certainly sets a worthy example. Although the subject of death and funerals is usually a downer, I must confess that some of the letters I received in response to "Aurora's" question made me smile. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In a rural cemetery in southeast Licking County (Ohio), there's a large black tombstone bearing a woman's name. She's buried between "Darling Husband George" and "Darling Husband Ray." Perhaps this will be of interest to "Aurora." -- JAMES MCC., NEWARK, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: When I was about 5 or 6, I spent part of the summer at my grandma's, and overheard her talking to her sister about a woman whose husband had died and been buried in a large family plot. Her second husband died and was also buried there. When the woman passed away, she was buried between her two husbands.

I asked Grandma if all three were holding hands down there. It took me years to live that one down. -- ARNOLD S., CENTERVILLE, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: My wife died in 1997. I'm a veteran of World War II, and we chose the usual veteran's tombstone for her grave. We had both her name and my name inscribed on the stone. She was buried in the family plot at our local cemetery.

My younger brother died in 2000. He was also a World War II vet, and his widow chose a veteran's tombstone for his grave. His widow had both his name and hers inscribed on the stone. He was buried next to my wife in the family plot.

My brother's widow and I married each other in 2002. Our marriage solved the problem posed by "Aurora." We plan to be buried beside our first spouses and second spouses. -- ROBERT IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: That letter reminded me of a similar question that appeared in your column years ago. The writer was a man who had remarried after his first wife died. He said he wanted to be buried between the two wives, "but tilt me toward Tillie." -- BETTY J., EUGENE, ORE.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been using your booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions" for many years. The suggestions and samples you included for writing letters of thanks, congratulations, condolences, etc. have been extremely helpful -- particularly the section on condolence letters because so often I have difficulty finding the right words.

It has reached the point that my booklet is falling apart. If it's still published, I would like a copy for myself, plus copies for my two daughters who now live on their own. How can I order them? -- PAMELA IN SCARSDALE, N.Y.

DEAR PAMELA: Thank you for the kind words about the Letters booklet. I am pleased that it has been helpful to you. I agree that sometimes putting one's feelings into words isn't easy.

Yes, "How to Write Letters for All Occasions" is still in print. Copies can be purchased by sending a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm disabled and have a dog trained to accompany me in public places. How should I deal with the nosy, sometimes hostile reactions I get from people who assume that only Seeing Eye dogs are allowed in public?

Many disabled people stop taking their medically necessary dogs in public because of this problem. -- MARY IN NORTH HILLS, CALIF.

DEAR MARY: Your assistance dog should have an identifying harness or jacket it wears when it is on the job. If that isn't enough to solve the issue and you are denied entrance to a business because of the animal, ask to speak to the manager. If the questioner is another customer, rather than becoming defensive, consider it an opportunity to educate someone who is probably asking out of curiosity or ignorance. Many people are unaware that dogs are now trained to help people with a wide-ranging array of problems, and not just those who are blind.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Stacy," who has a mental illness and is on public assistance. I try to help her out by giving her rides to various places. Yesterday I gave her a ride to the store. She knew I was low on diapers, so she shoplifted some for me. I didn't know what to do because Stacy is emotionally unstable and can get verbally abusive when confronted, and I had the baby with me so I accepted the diapers and drove her home.

I am uncomfortable using the diapers and would like to return them, but I don't know how to go about doing so without getting Stacy into trouble, because she doesn't know that what she is doing is wrong. Also, could I have been arrested, too, if Stacy had been stopped? -- PAMPERED IN BENSENVILLE, ILL.

DEAR PAMPERED: Yes, you could have been arrested as an accessory to your friend's shoplifting if she had been caught. You have a responsibility to your baby. You don't need problems with the law. In a non-confrontational way, speak to Stacy and make it clear that you cannot condone what she did, nor accept any more stolen property. Tell her if it happens again you will no longer be able to provide her with transportation. As for the diapers, donate them to a shelter.

DEAR ABBY: Thursday, Nov. 17, will mark the American Cancer Society's 29th Annual Great American Smokeout. It's a day when millions of smokers will put down their cigarettes -- "just for one day" -- with the conviction that if they can last 24 hours without a cigarette, then they can do it for 48 hours, 72 hours, and stop smoking for good.

For nearly three decades, the American Cancer Society has designated the third Thursday of November as a day for smokers nationwide to unite and kick the deadly habit of smoking. On that day, we urge people who smoke to, instead of lighting up, put down that cigarette and call us for support in "staying quit" for good.

If you're a smoker, the smartest thing you can do to improve your health and longevity is to quit smoking. The American Cancer Society Quitline can help you double your chances of success.

We also advocate for policies that help smokers quit, such as insurance coverage for tobacco cessation programs and smoke-free workplace laws. Research shows that smoke-free workplace laws not only encourage smokers to quit, but also protect non-smokers from exposure to secondhand smoke -- a known health hazard.

Please, Abby, help us to spread the word that quitting smoking is one of the healthiest decisions your readers can make. It can save their lives. Studies have shown that smokers who quit by age 35 will avoid 90 percent of the risk attributable to tobacco, and people who quit smoking before age 50 have one-half the risk of dying in the next 15 years compared to those who did not quit. -- STEPHEN F. SENER, M.D., PRESIDENT, AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY

DEAR DR. SENER: I'm delighted to help you spread the word. The Great American Smokeout is something that I and my mother before me have been pleased to promote since 1985.

Readers, I hope you will take this important opportunity to heart. More people die from lung cancer than from any other form of cancer. Quitting smoking has never been easier because medications are now available that help to suppress the symptoms of craving and withdrawal.

Call the American Cancer Society's 24-hour toll-free Quitline -- 877-937-7848 (YES-QUIT) -- to be connected with counseling services in your community, provided with self-help materials that offer information and strategies on quitting for good, and receive information about current medications available to help you quit. All services are free and provided 24/7. You can also go to www.cancer.org/smokeout.

So, folks, if you have been promising yourselves that "one of these days" you were going to quit, why not start on Thursday, just for 24 hours? I can't think of a better Thanksgiving gift you could possibly give yourselves and the people who love you.

And, now, I'd like to ask a favor, please. If you quit on Thursday -- even for only 24 hours -- let me hear from you. I'd love to know how long you were able to stay clean. Good luck; I'm rooting for you! -- Love, Abby

DEAR ABBY: Please settle an argument for me. When answering the telephone, is it rude to ask, "May I ask who is calling, please?" My wife says it is nosy and that people will think I am screening her calls. Please advise. -- AARON IN SYRACUSE

DEAR AARON: I disagree with your wife. Not only is it not rude or nosy, in my home and also my office, it is standard operating procedure.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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