DEAR ABBY: Thursday, Nov. 17, will mark the American Cancer Society's 29th Annual Great American Smokeout. It's a day when millions of smokers will put down their cigarettes -- "just for one day" -- with the conviction that if they can last 24 hours without a cigarette, then they can do it for 48 hours, 72 hours, and stop smoking for good.

For nearly three decades, the American Cancer Society has designated the third Thursday of November as a day for smokers nationwide to unite and kick the deadly habit of smoking. On that day, we urge people who smoke to, instead of lighting up, put down that cigarette and call us for support in "staying quit" for good.

If you're a smoker, the smartest thing you can do to improve your health and longevity is to quit smoking. The American Cancer Society Quitline can help you double your chances of success.

We also advocate for policies that help smokers quit, such as insurance coverage for tobacco cessation programs and smoke-free workplace laws. Research shows that smoke-free workplace laws not only encourage smokers to quit, but also protect non-smokers from exposure to secondhand smoke -- a known health hazard.

Please, Abby, help us to spread the word that quitting smoking is one of the healthiest decisions your readers can make. It can save their lives. Studies have shown that smokers who quit by age 35 will avoid 90 percent of the risk attributable to tobacco, and people who quit smoking before age 50 have one-half the risk of dying in the next 15 years compared to those who did not quit. -- STEPHEN F. SENER, M.D., PRESIDENT, AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY

DEAR DR. SENER: I'm delighted to help you spread the word. The Great American Smokeout is something that I and my mother before me have been pleased to promote since 1985.

Readers, I hope you will take this important opportunity to heart. More people die from lung cancer than from any other form of cancer. Quitting smoking has never been easier because medications are now available that help to suppress the symptoms of craving and withdrawal.

Call the American Cancer Society's 24-hour toll-free Quitline -- 877-937-7848 (YES-QUIT) -- to be connected with counseling services in your community, provided with self-help materials that offer information and strategies on quitting for good, and receive information about current medications available to help you quit. All services are free and provided 24/7. You can also go to � HYPERLINK "http://www.cancer.org/smokeout" ��www.cancer.org/smokeout�.

So, folks, if you have been promising yourselves that "one of these days" you were going to quit, why not start on Thursday, just for 24 hours? I can't think of a better Thanksgiving gift you could possibly give yourselves and the people who love you.

And, now, I'd like to ask a favor, please. If you quit on Thursday -- even for only 24 hours -- let me hear from you. I'd love to know how long you were able to stay clean. Good luck; I'm rooting for you! -- Love, Abby

DEAR ABBY: Please settle an argument for me. When answering the telephone, is it rude to ask, "May I ask who is calling, please?" My wife says it is nosy and that people will think I am screening her calls. Please advise. -- AARON IN SYRACUSE

DEAR AARON: I disagree with your wife. Not only is it not rude or nosy, in my home and also my office, it is standard operating procedure.

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DEAR ABBY: I'm a junior in high school. My father has been unemployed for almost two years. My mom is deceased, and Dad constantly mentions how the money is running short. However, he hasn't gotten a new job nor has he explained why. I think it is a bit out of line to tell him to get his life back in order, since I'm his son and because I don't know much about the workplace.

I'm going to college next year, and I'm afraid that I won't be able to go somewhere good because my dad can't afford it. I'm sure other relatives will help out, and there's financial aid, but my dad's happiness matters, too. He has told me that the jobs he finds don't pay nearly as much as his previous job did, but wouldn't ANY money be better than NO money?

I don't understand what he's thinking. What should I say to him? How can I help him get his life back in order? -- CONFUSED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CONFUSED: You would be doing your father a favor to tell him that because of his difficulties in finding work, he should contact the unemployment office because the people there can sometimes offer counseling to people in his position. Your father may be holding out, hoping to find another job that will pay him as much as the last one. However, by now he should have realized that it may never happen.

You would be doing yourself a big favor to visit your local library and start researching what scholarships might be available to you. It could make you less beholden and more independent of your relatives when tuition time rolls around. A counselor at your school might also steer you in the right direction. Please don't wait. Do it now. You seem like a bright young man, and I wish you the best of luck.

DEAR ABBY: How should I react to a couple who repeatedly drop in at our house to visit -- unannounced? I feel this is very rude, and they're trying to catch us off guard and see us at our worst. I have thoughts about doing the same thing to them. What do you think? -- DISGUSTED IN MANTENO, ILL.

DEAR DISGUSTED: You can try doing it to them, but I doubt it will have the desired effect. These people may have never learned that it is impolite to drop by without calling first to see if it's convenient.

Try this: The next time they show up, tell them firmly that you're too busy to entertain them, and in the future they should call before coming over. If that doesn't stop their impromptu visits, repeat the message or don't answer the door.

DEAR ABBY: Could you please settle something for us? My father is currently married to his third wife. His second wife died, and his first marriage has been annulled by the church.

Dad and his wife were married by a justice of the peace, but now he wishes to be remarried in a Catholic church. My father insists that, because he was already married by a justice of the peace, that this will, in fact, be his fourth wedding. I say it is still considered his third.

Also, when all is said and done, which date would be considered their anniversary? -- WONDERING IN WORCESTER, MASS.

DEAR WONDERING: In the eyes of the church, when a marriage is annulled, it is as though it never existed -- so scratch the first one. And because not all churches recognize civil ceremonies, I'm not sure the civil ceremony would count either. So, if your father married his second wife in the church, his next church wedding will be his second -- and he would logically measure his anniversary from the time he and his bride take their vows at the altar.

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DEAR ABBY: My widowed father recently married a woman I'll call "Millie." The wedding was held at Millie's home. Of the 20 or so guests in attendance, the only single adult was my younger sister, "Kim."

The ceremony was beautiful, the food was delicious, and everyone seemed to be enjoyed themselves when, out of nowhere, three of Millie's friends asked for everyone's attention. They then announced that instead of the bride tossing her bouquet, they had decided to just present it to Kim! Most of the guests laughed, and Kim played along, but I could tell she was upset. These friends went on to say something like, "Don't worry, Kim, you won't be single forever -- your turn will come someday!"

Abby, my sister is a brilliant, beautiful, very successful attorney in a well-known law firm in a large city. But because she doesn't have a man in her life, she was "singled" out and teased in front of a group comprised mostly of strangers. She held it together through the party, but wept openly to me afterward. She felt humiliated, and worse than that, like some kind of failure.

As it turns out, it was Millie's idea to give Kim the bouquet and make it a "funny" display. Kim was incredibly hurt and no longer wants much to do with our new stepmother. I don't want to get in the middle, but I feel if I told Millie why Kim is being distant, she'd most likely apologize.

Should I stick my nose in or leave it alone? Are we overreacting? Any advice would be appreciated. -- NOT AMUSED SISTER IN VERMONT

DEAR SISTER: Your stepmother's "joke" was insensitive and not particularly funny. (When will people learn that humor at other people's expense is hurtful?) I agree that your sister is owed an apology. By all means tell Millie about the pain her thoughtless gesture caused. The alternative would be to let the situation fester until there is either an explosion or total estrangement.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 14, I was bulimic for a while. I was able to stop on my own and my parents never knew about it. Eventually my parents figured out that I was depressed and suicidal, and I was put on Prozac.

A couple of weeks ago, my mom saw some cuts on my hips. I told her it was the only time I had ever done it, but I lied. I have been doing it for several months.

I don't know what's going on with me lately. I used to be able to write all the time. The words just haven't been flowing like they used to, and it's sort of scaring me. I told my psychologist about it, and he told me I need to find a new outlet for my stress besides cutting. The problem is, I don't want a new outlet. I just want to be able to write again. Any advice you have for me would be greatly appreciated. -- SCARED IN STACY, MINN.

DEAR SCARED: Think back for a moment. Did your writer's block start after you began taking the Prozac? If so, ask your therapist whether the Prozac could have caused it. As helpful as antidepressants can be for some people, it sometimes takes a while to find which drug works best for an individual.

Of one thing I am certain. Cutting is not the solution to your problem. Communicating honestly with your parents and your therapist will take you a lot farther a lot faster. Conquering your illness -- and that's what depression is -- will take a joint effort on the part of all of you. Please do not allow fear to slow your progress. The antidote to fear is faith.

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