DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my college sweetheart, "George," for 20 years. He's a great husband, a good father, and we are very compatible. He's the kind of man who brings me flowers for no reason, and who would rather be home cooking dinner with me than almost anywhere.

Recently a woman called to tell me that George was "screwing around" all over town, and she thought I should know I was married to a "pervert." She hung up before I could comment. Abby, George swears he is not having an affair and has always been faithful. He insists that she's just a crazy person.

Of course, I have to believe the man I have known for 24 years over a complete stranger, but this has been devastating. It has made me question my choice to be a stay-at-home mom, and made me nervous in crowds thinking that someone is watching me -- or us -- when we're out together.

George is trying hard to be there for me and says he'll go to marriage counseling with me or whatever I need. I know he loves me and our three children. But I can't help feeling violated and depressed, and I'm resentful that this stranger has the power to make me question my own happiness. Please help me. -- THREATENED IN N.Y.

DEAR THREATENED: Take your husband up on his offer of counseling, because you HAVE been the victim of an assault -- an emotional assault. In a sense, you have been violated. A wise person once told me that depression is "anger turned inward." A therapist can help you direct your anger where it belongs -- at the anonymous caller.

Please don't let the venom some stranger attempted to spread poison your marriage. You know rationally that your husband loves you and demonstrates it in every way he can. Whoever made that call may be angry at you or your husband for some perceived slight. She may be a kook. She could even be a high school student who was dialing randomly for kicks. It's not as unusual as you might think.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married three years. After the wedding, I chose to keep my maiden name for both personal and professional reasons. Everyone in my life has honored my decision with one glaring exception -- my parents.

On my wedding announcements, my son's birth announcement, legal documents -- even plane reservations -- they have either given me my husband's last name or hyphenated my name. I have called and begged them to stop doing it. (It caused problems with the plane tickets, and all of my wedding announcements and birth announcements were wrong.)

Every time I ask them to stop, they tell me I am the one causing the problem, and then they either get angry or promise not to do it again -- and then go ahead and do it.

Obviously, I am hurt and frustrated by their refusal to honor my decision. How should I handle this without causing a huge family fight? -- STILL "JANE SMITH"

DEAR JANE: You can't control what your parents call you, or how they refer to you. But you can control who places an order for formal announcements and makes plane reservations for you. As to legal documents, I would think you would have to be correctly identified in order for the document to be valid.

The way to solve this problem is to stop relying on your parents to do things for you and take control of your life. You don't have to be confrontational, but the more independent you are, the less what they do can affect you.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Our family has a serious problem with one sibling. Whenever we disagree with this sister, something "happens" to us. Some examples: I told her she was wrong to have started a fight with another sister. Within one week, Child Protective Services was knocking on my door.

My other sister had a quarrel with her, and the very next day that sister went to drive to work and found that "someone" had smashed the windows in her car. My brother said something she didn't like one day. She visited him a few days later, and the next day his parrots (he breeds parrots) were dead. (She actually bragged to other family members about the parrots and Child Protective Services.)

All three of us get prank calls, and we have spotted her repeatedly driving by our homes. Our parents think these are just "coincidences" and we're making a big deal out of nothing.

Now this sister needs to go in for surgery, and our parents think we should rally around her. The three of us want nothing more to do with her. I have even instructed my children to call the police if she ever comes to our home again. Please print this letter, Abby. We are hoping it will help our parents see through her and open their eyes. But in the meantime, we don't know what to do next. Any ideas? -- SLEEPING WITH ONE EYE OPEN IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR SLEEPING: Only this: Your sister appears to be seriously unbalanced. Do not allow yourselves to be guilted into "rallying" around her. You and the two siblings who have been victims of her vandalism should visit your local police department and file a report about what happened, who you think did it, and why.

You cannot force your parents out of their state of denial. Only she can do that when, inevitably, one day she finally goes too far. You are safer at a distance.

DEAR ABBY: I am 25 years old, the mother of two beautiful daughters, "Lisa" and "Lily," who are 3 1/2 years and 19 months old. Lily suffered a stroke two weeks ago and is now partially paralyzed. She had a prolonged seizure that lasted 2 1/2 hours that I know of, but possibly five hours in all. She can no longer crawl or sit up by herself. She must now have heavy and intensive rehabilitation to regain the use of her left side.

I was told that if I had gotten Lily to the ER even 30 minutes later, she'd have died. My father-in-law and I drove her to the ER ourselves. I was holding her in my arms while she convulsed with the seizure. Each mile we got closer to the hospital, the weaker she became. What kept Lily fighting was hearing my voice as I prayed aloud and feeling my love for her.

I thank God that my daughter is alive today. Please stress to your readers how important it is to call an ambulance when something like this happens. The ambulance workers can do miracles. If I had called 911, my daughter might not have suffered the stroke. -- LOVING MOTHER, WALTERS, OKLA.

DEAR LOVING MOTHER: Thank you for reminding other parents that in a medical emergency, the smart thing to do is call 911. The last time the subject was mentioned in this column it was in the context of middle-aged women having heart attacks.

Although the first impulse is to rush a loved one to the hospital ourselves, family members should realize that emergency medical technicians are trained, and have the equipment on hand, to perform lifesaving interventions. Not only do they know exactly how to get to the hospital, their vehicles have sirens that can reduce the driving time and save precious minutes.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

Half a dozen people wrote to say that they'd had this experience, and mail arrived from all over the United States informing me that the CHP's advice left something to be desired:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I decided we'd try the CHP's suggestions on our way to church. Here's what we learned: It was almost impossible to pull my husband's foot off the gas pedal. I had to grab his pant leg while trying to watch the road -- not an easy task! Also, if the car has a console -- ours does -- the passenger can't reach the brake. (Perhaps downshifting would work better?) -- CONNIE AND TERRY, COEUR D'ALENE, IDAHO

DEAR ABBY: The passenger should be shown or reminded in advance where the cruise control switch or button is, so she can turn it off if it has been activated. -- NANCY IN ERIE, PA.

DEAR ABBY: The first thing the passenger should do is put the transmission into neutral to slow the vehicle, regardless of whether or not the driver's foot is on the accelerator. -- ARCHIE T., VALLEJO, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: This happened to my husband and me. When it happens, it happens very quickly. I grabbed the wheel with my left hand and, as we started crossing into oncoming traffic, tried to avoid hitting anyone. Foremost in anyone's mind in that situation should be to get the driver's foot off the gas. To heck with the turn signal!

This happens more than people realize. The year before the accident, my husband's car was totaled because the driver of an oncoming car passed out, crossed the line and hit him. -- GLAD TO BE ALIVE, CHARLESTON, S.C.

DEAR ABBY: My diabetic husband had low blood sugar while driving on a five-lane highway. I was later told that had I used my emergency flasher, someone with a cell phone would have called the police and they would have assisted me in getting off the highway. At the time I didn't even know we HAD a flasher. Now I know -- and my husband eats something before we get into heavy traffic. -- ELLA IN WALDON, N.Y.

DEAR READERS: Needless to say, after reading the above letters, I contacted the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration in Washington, D.C. In a nutshell, here's what they told me:

"While your advice was accurate, we're more concerned about the reason behind the question, and the message that it's safe to drive with occasional loss of consciousness as long as one has a co-pilot. Relying on another person in a vehicle to take control is neither responsible nor safe.

"If a person experiences loss of consciousness for any reason, they need to stop driving until they are treated by a doctor who gives them permission to resume driving. This means they'll have to find another means of transportation, at least temporarily. Families have a role to play. If they are aware of the risk, they need to tell the state licensing agency and the doctor."

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)