DEAR ABBY: I am 18, and graduated from high school last spring. From the time I was 14, my parents and I didn't get along. But I did become close with one of my teachers. "Mr. Carson" was always there for me when I needed an adult perspective about a problem. Sometimes he was the only person I could talk to. (He talked me out of suicide a couple of times.)

Don't get me wrong; Mr. Carson was always professional. He never tried to take the place of my parents. But because I turned to him first, my parents called me a worthless daughter. They even went so far as to inform me I was no longer welcome in their home.

After that, I became depressed and made some bad choices. When I became pregnant at 17, my parents refused to let me back in their home. Mr. Carson and his wife helped me to pay for my pregnancy and get through it emotionally. When I needed advice, Mrs. Carson was always there for me.

I am now raising my baby. My son is the best thing in my life. I'd like him to meet his grandparents, but my parents refuse. I have tried everything, but now I have given up. I want my son to have a grandma and grandpa in his life. Would it be OK for me to teach my son to call the Carsons "Grandma" and "Grandpa"? They are the closest thing I have had to parents for more than a year. Or should I continue trying to get my parents to change their minds? -- PARENTLESS IN RICHMOND, N.Y.

DEAR PARENTLESS: Give your mother and father until the end of the year to change their perspective. If their attitude hasn't mellowed by then, by all means ask the Carsons if they would like to be your son's honorary grandparents. Children need love, and unlike your parents, your teacher and his wife seem to have it in abundance to give.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were married in our new home. My mother-in-law, "Minerva," became extremely offended when she was not allowed to spend our wedding night here in the house with us.

This is my husband's second marriage, and Minerva was within earshot of my husband and his first wife on their wedding night.

I say, cut the cord and respect our right to be alone on our special night. What do you say, Abby? -- NEW BRIDE IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR NEW BRIDE: I say a wedding night is a time when most new couples would like to be alone, and your mother-in-law's insensitivity and failure to respect that fact are just an opening skirmish. Be prepared.

DEAR ABBY: I am 12 and in the sixth grade. My problem is that I'm having trouble talking with girls. Every time I meet an attractive girl, I either can't speak to her, or I talk to her and sometimes she doesn't like me.

What I'm asking for are some tips on how to be a good talker and get the girl of my dreams. I'd also like to know from your girl readers what they like in a guy. -- J.C. IN ERIE, PA.

DEAR J.C.: Becoming a good talker is an acquired skill for most people. But one technique that works is to ask someone about her opinion, "What do you think about ...?" It can be something that happened in class, at school, an athletic event or something in the news. Of course, there are no guarantees that everyone you talk to will like you, but most people feel complimented when you ask their opinion.

And if you'd like some tips from my younger female readers, I'm sure they'll be happy to oblige. Readers?

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY MUSLIM READERS: Happy Eid al-Fitr!

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DEAR ABBY: I totally disagree with your answer to "Separate Bedrooms in the Future," the man who complained that his wife doesn't bathe every day. Who would want to share a bed or have sex with a woman who doesn't bathe or shower every day? It makes me wonder if she washes her hands before preparing dinner. Disgusting, to put it mildly! I was sure you knew better. -- LEON W., SKOKIE, ILL.

DEAR LEON W.: "Separate Bedrooms" has been married to his wife for 35 years. Until he retired from his job, he never noticed that she didn't bathe every day. He didn't complain that she didn't wash her hands before preparing food -- and he's watching her like a hawk -- so let's give her the benefit of the doubt. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As an internist, I treat people every day for conditions ranging from contact dermatitis to fungal rashes that would not occur if people gave up bathing daily. The skin is covered in bacteria that constitute "normal flora." It is not to anyone's advantage to wash these beneficial bacteria away, as it leaves one open to rashes and skin irritation from a number of sources. Also, to state the obvious, if he's been married to her for 35 good years, then a rose by any other name could not smell as sweet. -- MICHAEL G., M.D., JOHNSON CITY, TENN.

DEAR ABBY: We Americans are so obsessed with cleanliness that we may be endangering our health. Exposure to bacteria helps us to develop antibodies to fight disease. Studies are under way to see if the autoimmune diseases may be at least partly due to so much cleanliness that our immune systems have nothing to do but attack healthy tissue.

In Europe, whose culture and lifestyle are otherwise similar to ours, people bathe less often than we do. It was also fine with our ancestors, who bathed only on Saturday nights!

"Separate" should be thankful he's living with someone hygienic enough that he can't tell the difference. -- DAILY BATHER BUT HOLD THE ANTI-BACTERIAL SOAP

DEAR ABBY: I lived in Italy for a year. When my Italian hosts realized I was showering every day, they thought I was crazy. The only thing you really need to wash every day are your private parts. That's why bidets are so common in Europe. -- ERIN IN HESPERIA, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a nurse, but you don't have to be a nurse to know that a few dead skin cells aren't harmful. For someone with dry skin, a daily bath can do more harm than good. That husband must have other problems going on -- like retirement boredom, as you suggested. I wonder if he drove his former co-workers nuts, too? Thanks for setting him straight. -- KOKOMO, IND., R.N.

DEAR ABBY: Queen Isabella of Spain, one of history's most famous rulers and sponsor of Christopher Columbus' voyages, bragged that she took only two baths in her entire life -- when she was born and when she got married. Of course, hygiene standards have improved in 500 years. -- ROBERT C., ATHENS, GA.

DEAR ABBY: If that jackass figured out a way to make a lady "work up a sweat," maybe they could shower together -- THOMAS MC D., CINCINNATI

DEAR ABBY: "Separate Bedrooms in the Future" needs a hobby. He's a perfect example of why women hate it when their husbands retire! -- PAT IN LAS VEGAS

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DEAR ABBY: "Homer" and I have been married for more than 40 years. Last year he started sneaking around with "Mary," his girlfriend from high school who lives out of town. She came into town for a visit last year. This year, on the very same weekend, he went there.

Last year Mary told Homer he should divorce me and marry her. (She has buried two husbands already.) I spoke with Mary, and she told me that what the two of them have is "Untouchable! No one can touch it!" But he's still living here.

Homer keeps saying he's going to leave because Mary is a Christian woman. Abby, Homer doesn't even go to church. I do! It doesn't seem Christian to me to run around with a married man. Mary is promising him a lot of material things, like a big-screen TV, a recliner and two cars. He keeps coming home with things Mary has bought him: a watch, cuff links, a pair of shoes, a wallet, sweater and pants.

Is she trying to buy his love? -- LOYAL WIFE, MIAMI GARDENS, FLA.

DEAR LOYAL WIFE: It certainly appears that way. It's not so much that every day is Valentine's Day with Mary; it's more like every day is Christmas. "Good Christian women" obey the 10 Commandments. Your husband's girlfriend has broken at least three of them: Thou shalt not covet, thou shalt not commit adultery, and thou shalt not steal. A saint she ain't. It says in Romans 6:23 that "The wages of sin is death." Please point that out to Homer. It could be the reason his girlfriend has buried two husbands.

DEAR ABBY: Please tell my husband and me how to resolve a terrible argument between us and our son, "Dale," and daughter-in-law, "Faith." They haven't spoken to us since the incident occurred at our home during a Labor Day picnic. We are very upset over what happened.

Dale works a full-time job during the week, plus another one most weekends. They have three children, the youngest having just started school. Faith does not work outside the home and hasn't since she was six months pregnant with their firstborn. They live about 50 miles from us in a large apartment complex that's completely unsuitable for a young family.

My husband and I offered to loan them the down payment for a home, under the condition that Faith gets a job and shares some of the financial responsibility. With all three children in school, we see no reason why she can't work.

Abby, they both blew a gasket!

Dale told us he doesn't want his wife to work, and she confirmed it. He said he will provide a home for his family when he is able to.

We have left phone messages, but they do not return them. We were trying to be helpful and are very hurt by their blind pride and stubbornness. Our grandchildren deserve and need a decent place to live. Were we wrong? What can we do? -- NEW YORK READER

DEAR READER: You may have meant well, but by couching your offer in terms that were critical of the way your son and his wife have arranged their marriage, you emasculated him and implied that you disapprove of her lifestyle. Your next move should be to write them a note of apology, explaining that you weren't trying to meddle, and wanted only what you thought was best for them. After that, the next move is theirs.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS FROM INDIA: A Happy New Year to all of you!

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