DEAR ABBY: I totally disagree with your answer to "Separate Bedrooms in the Future," the man who complained that his wife doesn't bathe every day. Who would want to share a bed or have sex with a woman who doesn't bathe or shower every day? It makes me wonder if she washes her hands before preparing dinner. Disgusting, to put it mildly! I was sure you knew better. -- LEON W., SKOKIE, ILL.

DEAR LEON W.: "Separate Bedrooms" has been married to his wife for 35 years. Until he retired from his job, he never noticed that she didn't bathe every day. He didn't complain that she didn't wash her hands before preparing food -- and he's watching her like a hawk -- so let's give her the benefit of the doubt. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As an internist, I treat people every day for conditions ranging from contact dermatitis to fungal rashes that would not occur if people gave up bathing daily. The skin is covered in bacteria that constitute "normal flora." It is not to anyone's advantage to wash these beneficial bacteria away, as it leaves one open to rashes and skin irritation from a number of sources. Also, to state the obvious, if he's been married to her for 35 good years, then a rose by any other name could not smell as sweet. -- MICHAEL G., M.D., JOHNSON CITY, TENN.

DEAR ABBY: We Americans are so obsessed with cleanliness that we may be endangering our health. Exposure to bacteria helps us to develop antibodies to fight disease. Studies are under way to see if the autoimmune diseases may be at least partly due to so much cleanliness that our immune systems have nothing to do but attack healthy tissue.

In Europe, whose culture and lifestyle are otherwise similar to ours, people bathe less often than we do. It was also fine with our ancestors, who bathed only on Saturday nights!

"Separate" should be thankful he's living with someone hygienic enough that he can't tell the difference. -- DAILY BATHER BUT HOLD THE ANTI-BACTERIAL SOAP

DEAR ABBY: I lived in Italy for a year. When my Italian hosts realized I was showering every day, they thought I was crazy. The only thing you really need to wash every day are your private parts. That's why bidets are so common in Europe. -- ERIN IN HESPERIA, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a nurse, but you don't have to be a nurse to know that a few dead skin cells aren't harmful. For someone with dry skin, a daily bath can do more harm than good. That husband must have other problems going on -- like retirement boredom, as you suggested. I wonder if he drove his former co-workers nuts, too? Thanks for setting him straight. -- KOKOMO, IND., R.N.

DEAR ABBY: Queen Isabella of Spain, one of history's most famous rulers and sponsor of Christopher Columbus' voyages, bragged that she took only two baths in her entire life -- when she was born and when she got married. Of course, hygiene standards have improved in 500 years. -- ROBERT C., ATHENS, GA.

DEAR ABBY: If that jackass figured out a way to make a lady "work up a sweat," maybe they could shower together -- THOMAS MC D., CINCINNATI

DEAR ABBY: "Separate Bedrooms in the Future" needs a hobby. He's a perfect example of why women hate it when their husbands retire! -- PAT IN LAS VEGAS

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DEAR ABBY: "Homer" and I have been married for more than 40 years. Last year he started sneaking around with "Mary," his girlfriend from high school who lives out of town. She came into town for a visit last year. This year, on the very same weekend, he went there.

Last year Mary told Homer he should divorce me and marry her. (She has buried two husbands already.) I spoke with Mary, and she told me that what the two of them have is "Untouchable! No one can touch it!" But he's still living here.

Homer keeps saying he's going to leave because Mary is a Christian woman. Abby, Homer doesn't even go to church. I do! It doesn't seem Christian to me to run around with a married man. Mary is promising him a lot of material things, like a big-screen TV, a recliner and two cars. He keeps coming home with things Mary has bought him: a watch, cuff links, a pair of shoes, a wallet, sweater and pants.

Is she trying to buy his love? -- LOYAL WIFE, MIAMI GARDENS, FLA.

DEAR LOYAL WIFE: It certainly appears that way. It's not so much that every day is Valentine's Day with Mary; it's more like every day is Christmas. "Good Christian women" obey the 10 Commandments. Your husband's girlfriend has broken at least three of them: Thou shalt not covet, thou shalt not commit adultery, and thou shalt not steal. A saint she ain't. It says in Romans 6:23 that "The wages of sin is death." Please point that out to Homer. It could be the reason his girlfriend has buried two husbands.

DEAR ABBY: Please tell my husband and me how to resolve a terrible argument between us and our son, "Dale," and daughter-in-law, "Faith." They haven't spoken to us since the incident occurred at our home during a Labor Day picnic. We are very upset over what happened.

Dale works a full-time job during the week, plus another one most weekends. They have three children, the youngest having just started school. Faith does not work outside the home and hasn't since she was six months pregnant with their firstborn. They live about 50 miles from us in a large apartment complex that's completely unsuitable for a young family.

My husband and I offered to loan them the down payment for a home, under the condition that Faith gets a job and shares some of the financial responsibility. With all three children in school, we see no reason why she can't work.

Abby, they both blew a gasket!

Dale told us he doesn't want his wife to work, and she confirmed it. He said he will provide a home for his family when he is able to.

We have left phone messages, but they do not return them. We were trying to be helpful and are very hurt by their blind pride and stubbornness. Our grandchildren deserve and need a decent place to live. Were we wrong? What can we do? -- NEW YORK READER

DEAR READER: You may have meant well, but by couching your offer in terms that were critical of the way your son and his wife have arranged their marriage, you emasculated him and implied that you disapprove of her lifestyle. Your next move should be to write them a note of apology, explaining that you weren't trying to meddle, and wanted only what you thought was best for them. After that, the next move is theirs.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS FROM INDIA: A Happy New Year to all of you!

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DEAR ABBY: My older sister, "Katie," has three children -- an adopted son, a foster son and a biological son -- all under the age of 3. Katie and her husband took in their foster son, "Richie," only because he's the biological brother of their adopted son. They didn't know if they'd get to keep Richie or not, so Katie closed herself off to him emotionally.

During the year and a half that she has had Richie, he has become, in essence, an "invisible" child. She shows him no kindness, no positive attention and certainly no love.

I love Richie. It makes my heart ache to see him emotionally neglected. It also causes me distress to see that Katie seems blind to the way she behaves toward him. The rest of our family sees what's happening, but no one seems to know how to handle the situation.

My husband and I have been unable to have children of our own, and we currently keep Richie every weekend. We have considered taking him in ourselves, and if possible, adopting him. He loves us as much as we love him. My question is, should we (our family) stand together and try to convince Katie to open her eyes and change her ways, or would it be better for everyone involved if my husband and I were to adopt Richie? And if so, how do we do this without creating a rift in the family? -- DISTRESSED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR DISTRESSED: Whether she wants to admit it or not, your sister must be aware on some level that she's unable to love Richie as she does the other boys. I recommend that you take it slowly: The first thing that you, your husband and the extended family could do would be to "sympathize" with Katie about how hectic her life must be with three tiny toddlers on her hands. Suggest that you'd be happy to "lighten her load" by taking Richie more often. (You may find that she'll be delighted.)

Once you have established that routine, begin mentioning how hard it is for you and your husband to see him go home. After that, the next logical step would be to offer to adopt the boy -- which might provide your sister with the "out" she needs.

If she's open to it -- and let's pray that she is -- you won't have to inform child protective services that the boy is being emotionally starved and neglected. If she's not, I hope you will step in on his behalf anyway, because the damage your sister is doing to that child will affect his view of himself and the world for the rest of his life.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Bart" for 4 1/2 years. He moved into my home three years ago, and so did two of his adult children, ages 22 and 24. I have talked with his children about either getting their own place or following my rules when they live under my roof. (Most of the time they are living with girlfriends.) Bart thinks it's OK for his children to live here, not listen to us, and not give me any money to help with the bills. I don't know what to do. -- GOING CRAZY IN VIRGINIA

DEAR GOING CRAZY: Bart's "children" are living the life of Riley. Are they staying with you now? If the answer is yes, set a date for them to be out and insist upon it. If they are not, begin rethinking the way you use the spaces they were occupying and/or storing their things. Instead of a bedroom, think hobby room, exercise room, den or a storage area.

One thing is certain: If there's no bed to sleep in, it will be more difficult for them to impose upon you.

P.S. Does Bart pay his own fair share? If not, you are being taken advantage of.

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