DEAR ABBY: I'm a 21-year-old woman who is happily married to a wonderful man. My best friend is a guy I'll call "Tom." We have been friends for four years. My husband likes Tom, trusts me and has no problem with it.
The problem is Tom's live-in girlfriend, "Ginny." Ginny doesn't like or trust me. She doesn't like any of Tom's other friends, either. (Most of his friends are female.) Abby, Tom is not a flirt. He's loyal to Ginny and would never dream of cheating.
Ginny is extremely insecure. She goes haywire if Tom has any contact with any of us -- so he has begun sneaking around behind her back to hang with us. I'm uncomfortable with the sneaking around because it makes me feel we're doing something wrong when we aren't, but it seems to be the only solution.
Tom and Ginny are not engaged, but they're in the process of trying to buy or build a house together. He acts like he's unhappy in the relationship, but seems afraid to stand up for himself. What should I do? -- TOM'S BEST FRIEND IN FORT WORTH
DEAR BEST FRIEND: You, your husband and some of Tom's other friends should stage an intervention with him. Warn Tom that sneaking around and trying to fool Ginny won't work. At some point she'll catch on and erupt like Mount Vesuvius -- and who could blame her? Instead of behaving like an adult and informing his girlfriend that if the relationship is to continue, she'll have to accept that he has platonic female friends, he's taking the coward's way out.
A home is the largest investment most people make in their lifetimes. Tom should carefully consider the wisdom of making an investment like this with Ginny under the circumstances. If you can't make him see reason, then urge him to discuss it with a lawyer. You'll be doing him a huge favor.
P.S. And while you're at it, do yourself a favor. Distance yourself from Tom a bit, until he works this out.