DEAR ABBY: My sons are on a football team with a group of young men I love dearly. They spend quite a bit of time at our house, and this has become almost like a second home to a lot of them.

My problem is I am married for the second time to a wonderful man whose name I adopted. My children have a different last name than my husband's. My sons' friends (bless their hearts) always address me by my boys' last name, "Mrs. Jones," and they have even called my husband "Mr. Jones"!

I know they mean no disrespect, but I'm trying to find a way to fix this without making a big deal out of it. Can you help us? In this day and age, I'm sure it happens a lot, and many other men aren't as understanding as my husband is about it. -- EMBARRASSED IN NEVADA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: You and your husband should have corrected the boys the first time this happened. The next time the "team" visits and one of them calls you by the wrong name, smile and say, "I probably should have told you before, but Mr. Jones was my former husband. Please call my husband and me Mr. and Mrs. 'Smith.'" If it's said pleasantly, I'm sure it will upset no one.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old teenager who likes to baby-sit. I'm a hard worker and keep the children easily amused.

One of the families that I baby-sit for has a difficult child who is rather bratty, but I can control him very well. Recently, when they paid me, I noticed the amount was less than what I usually get. It is not the first time this has happened, and I have a feeling it won't be the last.

How do I tell this family they are underpaying me? And should I drop them? -- OVERWORKED AND UNDERPAID

DEAR UNDERPAID: The next time you are asked by the family to baby-sit, remind the parent that you charge so much an an hour. Explain that you are saying this because you were not paid the full amount the last time, and you will expect to have the balance added to this bill. If the parents are cooperative -- fine. If not, you have every right to drop them as customers and let them amuse their own "difficult, bratty" child on a night when they'd rather be doing something else.

DEAR ABBY: When I finally summoned the strength and fortitude to leave my abusive husband, I received the blessing of anonymous help, which was a tremendous comfort. The hugs and "Let me know if I can do anything" comments were thoughtful and no doubt heartfelt, but there was nothing that compared to the relief of coming home and finding a sack of goodies outside my door, or a gift card to the grocery store in my mailbox.

One angel-in-disguise sent me and the kids amusement park tickets, which thrilled us all. Another unknown Samaritan mailed me 50 $2 bills. Every time I pulled one out of my wallet those first scary days of trying my wings, I was touched by the underlying message, "You are not alone." -- GLAD I MADE IT IN CINCINNATI

DEAR GLAD: It appears you have some very practical and pro-active "angels" in your life. I'm printing your letter because I often receive questions from people wondering what they can do to help a friend who is in crisis or grieving -- and your letter is filled with practical ideas on ways to be supportive. Thanks for the "upper."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a college sophomore who is very confused. My boyfriend, "Graham," and I broke up about four months ago, but we still talk. We became a couple when we were freshmen in high school.

I treated Graham like a king and did everything I was supposed to do. But every year he would find another stupid excuse to break up. I thought he loved me, but now I'm not so sure.

I recently met a guy who would do anything for me, "Logan." Logan is the son of some family friends and a real sweetheart.

Should I stop talking to Graham and start over? I'm not sure what to do. It seems like Graham just doesn't want to grow up and treat me the way I treat him. -- DEPRESSED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR DEPRESSED: By all means stop talking to Graham and branch out. And when you do, take the initiative and tell him it's over. As soon as you stop clinging to the fantasy of what you wanted that relationship to be, you will begin to feel better. Just treating a man like a king isn't enough to make a relationship work. The respect and affection have to be mutual. And please don't commit to one person so quickly in the future. Lasting relationships take time to develop, and you need some time to look around.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a small apartment complex and often hear screaming parents and children -- mostly children. I also hear lots of physical and verbal abuse toward the children, which leaves me upset because I'm not able to do anything about it, and I'm not a "bleeding heart" person.

Sometimes in the middle of the night I am awakened by the commotion. I hate hearing a young child scream out, "No, Daddy!" or a 1-year-old crying from being physically abused. It's not just coming from one apartment, either. Who can I call or report this to without retribution? Thanks for your help. -- AFRAID FOR THE CHILDREN, ANYWHERE, U.S.A.

DEAR AFRAID: Pick up the phone and call the Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline. The toll-free number is 800-422-4453. It's completely confidential, and someone there will direct you to Child Protective Services in your state.

Childhelp USA is a nonprofit organization that has worked for many years for the safety of children through the treatment and prevention of child abuse. Their Web site is � HYPERLINK "http://www.childhelpusa.org" ��www.childhelpusa.org�. It goes without saying that donations are always welcome to help support the hot line.

DEAR ABBY: I am in a delicate position. My nephew is the head of a very large church in Delaware. One of his church members is an acquaintance of his mother's. (His mother is my sister.) I have met this woman only a couple of times.

I recently received an announcement in the mail stating that her daughter and son-in-law are moving into their second home. (The house is being blessed in a few weeks.) At the bottom of the announcement it says, "Monetary gifts are welcome."

Abby, I have never even met this woman's daughter! Am I obligated to send a gift? I live almost 2,000 miles away. -- CONFUSED IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR CONFUSED: You are in no way obligated to send a gift. What you received wasn't an announcement; it was a solicitation. I hope you will treat it as such, and dispose of it as you would any other piece of junk mail.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Lost in San Mateo" asked how she should deal with her longtime friend, "Heather." The two of them had been drinking, and Heather, who was driving, got into a car accident. Now Heather refuses to discuss the accident, and "Lost" asked you, "Don't you think I'm the victim?"

Although you counseled "Lost" well in how to deal with her friend, you failed to point out her own responsibility in that accident. Although Heather was at the wheel, they were both responsible for not arranging their outing to include a designated driver. Therefore, they should equally share the blame for what happened.

In my opinion, not starting out the night with a clear plan of who would remain sober was a mistake made by both of them. -- OFTEN THE DESIGNATED DRIVER, WINTERS, CALIF.

DEAR DESIGNATED DRIVER: That's true. (And it's an all-too-common mistake.) You are one of many readers who felt that "Lost" had a hand in her own fate. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Lost" refers to herself as a "victim." She is only the victim of her own stupidity! She was drunk and got into a car with another drunk, so she's just as guilty as her friend. The other girl feels guilty. That's the reason she didn't come to visit. Would you want to look at your busted-up friend while you had no visible injuries? The anger that "Lost" is feeling is only because she got hurt and her friend didn't. -- SEEN IT BEFORE, YUKON, OKLA.

DEAR ABBY: "Lost" got into the car. She was willing to let her friend shoulder the responsibility of driving, and now claims she was too drunk to know how smashed her friend was. Baloney! If that is the case, she should allow her friend to use the same excuse. What would have happened if "Lost" had not been injured? Would she have helped with the fines, jail time, damaged car or raised insurance rates? Her friend probably does feel guilty, but there were two "victims" here, and both are equally to blame. Now "Lost" is willing to end a 20-year friendship because she can't own up to her own part in all of this? Some friend! -- TIRED OF EXCUSES, HELENA, MONT.

DEAR ABBY: Rather than being angry and resentful against her friend, "Lost in San Mateo" should thank the Lord that she's still alive and vow not to get herself into that situation again. A responsible adult does not allow herself to become incapacitated. No one forced alcohol down her throat against her will.

I am an ER nurse. We see these drunk party girls all the time, and it's typical for everything to be someone else's fault. What they fail to realize is that when they become that impaired, they are prime targets not only for car accidents, but for carjackers, purse thieves, date rapists, and worse.

Those two got by easy this time. I hope they regard it as a wake-up call! -- SHERRILL IN SAN JOSE, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Both girls should take a hard look in the mirror and admit their own guilt. They are both lucky to be alive and that no innocent people were maimed or killed because of their foolishness. -- RECOVERING IN MINNESOTA

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)