DEAR ABBY: I am a college sophomore who is very confused. My boyfriend, "Graham," and I broke up about four months ago, but we still talk. We became a couple when we were freshmen in high school.

I treated Graham like a king and did everything I was supposed to do. But every year he would find another stupid excuse to break up. I thought he loved me, but now I'm not so sure.

I recently met a guy who would do anything for me, "Logan." Logan is the son of some family friends and a real sweetheart.

Should I stop talking to Graham and start over? I'm not sure what to do. It seems like Graham just doesn't want to grow up and treat me the way I treat him. -- DEPRESSED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR DEPRESSED: By all means stop talking to Graham and branch out. And when you do, take the initiative and tell him it's over. As soon as you stop clinging to the fantasy of what you wanted that relationship to be, you will begin to feel better. Just treating a man like a king isn't enough to make a relationship work. The respect and affection have to be mutual. And please don't commit to one person so quickly in the future. Lasting relationships take time to develop, and you need some time to look around.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a small apartment complex and often hear screaming parents and children -- mostly children. I also hear lots of physical and verbal abuse toward the children, which leaves me upset because I'm not able to do anything about it, and I'm not a "bleeding heart" person.

Sometimes in the middle of the night I am awakened by the commotion. I hate hearing a young child scream out, "No, Daddy!" or a 1-year-old crying from being physically abused. It's not just coming from one apartment, either. Who can I call or report this to without retribution? Thanks for your help. -- AFRAID FOR THE CHILDREN, ANYWHERE, U.S.A.

DEAR AFRAID: Pick up the phone and call the Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline. The toll-free number is 800-422-4453. It's completely confidential, and someone there will direct you to Child Protective Services in your state.

Childhelp USA is a nonprofit organization that has worked for many years for the safety of children through the treatment and prevention of child abuse. Their Web site is � HYPERLINK "http://www.childhelpusa.org" ��www.childhelpusa.org�. It goes without saying that donations are always welcome to help support the hot line.

DEAR ABBY: I am in a delicate position. My nephew is the head of a very large church in Delaware. One of his church members is an acquaintance of his mother's. (His mother is my sister.) I have met this woman only a couple of times.

I recently received an announcement in the mail stating that her daughter and son-in-law are moving into their second home. (The house is being blessed in a few weeks.) At the bottom of the announcement it says, "Monetary gifts are welcome."

Abby, I have never even met this woman's daughter! Am I obligated to send a gift? I live almost 2,000 miles away. -- CONFUSED IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR CONFUSED: You are in no way obligated to send a gift. What you received wasn't an announcement; it was a solicitation. I hope you will treat it as such, and dispose of it as you would any other piece of junk mail.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Lost in San Mateo" asked how she should deal with her longtime friend, "Heather." The two of them had been drinking, and Heather, who was driving, got into a car accident. Now Heather refuses to discuss the accident, and "Lost" asked you, "Don't you think I'm the victim?"

Although you counseled "Lost" well in how to deal with her friend, you failed to point out her own responsibility in that accident. Although Heather was at the wheel, they were both responsible for not arranging their outing to include a designated driver. Therefore, they should equally share the blame for what happened.

In my opinion, not starting out the night with a clear plan of who would remain sober was a mistake made by both of them. -- OFTEN THE DESIGNATED DRIVER, WINTERS, CALIF.

DEAR DESIGNATED DRIVER: That's true. (And it's an all-too-common mistake.) You are one of many readers who felt that "Lost" had a hand in her own fate. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Lost" refers to herself as a "victim." She is only the victim of her own stupidity! She was drunk and got into a car with another drunk, so she's just as guilty as her friend. The other girl feels guilty. That's the reason she didn't come to visit. Would you want to look at your busted-up friend while you had no visible injuries? The anger that "Lost" is feeling is only because she got hurt and her friend didn't. -- SEEN IT BEFORE, YUKON, OKLA.

DEAR ABBY: "Lost" got into the car. She was willing to let her friend shoulder the responsibility of driving, and now claims she was too drunk to know how smashed her friend was. Baloney! If that is the case, she should allow her friend to use the same excuse. What would have happened if "Lost" had not been injured? Would she have helped with the fines, jail time, damaged car or raised insurance rates? Her friend probably does feel guilty, but there were two "victims" here, and both are equally to blame. Now "Lost" is willing to end a 20-year friendship because she can't own up to her own part in all of this? Some friend! -- TIRED OF EXCUSES, HELENA, MONT.

DEAR ABBY: Rather than being angry and resentful against her friend, "Lost in San Mateo" should thank the Lord that she's still alive and vow not to get herself into that situation again. A responsible adult does not allow herself to become incapacitated. No one forced alcohol down her throat against her will.

I am an ER nurse. We see these drunk party girls all the time, and it's typical for everything to be someone else's fault. What they fail to realize is that when they become that impaired, they are prime targets not only for car accidents, but for carjackers, purse thieves, date rapists, and worse.

Those two got by easy this time. I hope they regard it as a wake-up call! -- SHERRILL IN SAN JOSE, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Both girls should take a hard look in the mirror and admit their own guilt. They are both lucky to be alive and that no innocent people were maimed or killed because of their foolishness. -- RECOVERING IN MINNESOTA

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My son-in-law insists on walking around naked after his shower. He claims that he's hot and must let his hemorrhoids air-dry. Abby, this man has four children, three of whom are girls ages 9, 7 and 4. My daughter has done everything from plead to scream to get him to stop this habit, yet he still emerges from the bathroom with the announcement, "Turn your heads, girls, I'm naked!"

What more can my daughter do to get him to understand how potentially dangerous this is? -- DISGUSTED IN JAMESON, MO.

DEAR DISGUSTED: I discussed your letter with Dr. Stephen Kuchenbecker, a respected colorectal surgeon in Los Angeles. He informs me that while hemorrhoid sufferers are advised not to rub that tender area of the body, they are encouraged to gently "pat" dry or even use a hand-held hair dryer to be sure the hemorrhoids are free of moisture.

It is not appropriate for your son-in-law to parade around in front of the girls. My suggested aversion therapy: The next time he makes his grand entrance, your daughter and the girls should point at his lower midsection and start laughing. If that proves ineffective, she should buy a long extension cord for her hair dryer, and warn her spouse that if he doesn't dry his hemorrhoids, then she will. I'm sure he'll get the message.

DEAR ABBY: I am 20 and have never had a boyfriend. All of my girlfriends and guy friends have told me that I'm attractive.

My dating history is zero because every chance I've had to date someone, I turned him down for absurd reasons. Either his hair was the wrong style, or I decided I didn't like the way he walked, or the way he laughed, etc.

There is a guy at school who is interested in starting a relationship with me. He's a nice guy, and I think I might be interested as well. But I get sick to my stomach when I think about it.

People tell me I have intimacy problems. I don't want to ruin this, Abby. Please tell me how to be better. -- WEEPING IN W.VA.

DEAR WEEPING: You do appear to have some issues that need to be examined. The quickest way to work them through is to go to the student health center at your school and talk to a counselor about them. Once you are free of your anxieties, you'll be more emotionally available to those who show an interest.

DEAR ABBY: A letter appeared in today's Houston Chronicle in which the writer asked the origin of the term "Pandora's box." You gave the right answer, but not the entire answer.

Yes, the box was a gift to Pandora from the gods, but was given with the warning that it should never be opened. (Some gift! A box she couldn't open -- who could refrain?) When Pandora's curiosity got the better of her, she lifted the lid and released every ailment, sorrow and pestilence known to mankind, so she slammed the box shut. But after all the swarm of evils, one last thing remained inside -- and its little voice begged Pandora to lift the lid once more and free it. When she did, she released the most important item in the box. It was HOPE. -- KATE R., HOUSTON

DEAR KATE: Thank you for telling the whole story, which I had forgotten. How fitting that your letter comes from Houston, a city which has in recent weeks offered so much hope to so many people who needed it.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)