DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of four children, ages 18 to 25. A "practice" they discuss among their friends is the "rite of turning 21," which is to drink 21 shots of hard alcohol.

I'd like to think my children are intelligent and informed enough to know how dangerous this could be, but when I mention it, I get the standby, "Everyone does it" or "It's fine."

I worry myself sick over this, not only for my own kids, but for all young adults. Please shed some light on this practice. Perhaps they will listen to you.

I'm not naive enough to think they won't drink, but 21 shots is not the best birthday gift to themselves. -- WORRIED MOM, MISSOULA, MONT.

DEAR WORRIED MOM: Your children are mistaken. Binge drinking isn't "fine" and not everybody does it. Rapid consumption of alcohol, particularly in large amounts, is extremely dangerous. It has been known to cause severe illness, coma and even death.

This is a topic that has appeared in my column before, in the form of letters from concerned members of the health-care profession and from grieving parents. The rite of passage that your children are discussing can be a "passage" right out of this life and into the next. Only a fool or someone very immature would take that kind of risk.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with "Angelo" for six years. His dog passed away in May. Frankly, I was relieved because the dog had been the main focus in Angelo's life and the cause of many problems and fights. I had considered leaving him over it, but didn't want to give up on the relationship.

After the dog's death, things got much better. Angelo and I started going places without the constant "... have to get home to the dog."

He started talking about getting another dog, but I told him I was against it. Well, some members of Angelo's family and some of his friends urged him to get another one. They said I'd grow to love it. Last month he took them up on it. He is now entirely focused on the new dog, and I feel betrayed. I told Angelo it was either me or the dog, but the dog is still here. What should I do? -- BETRAYED IN WESTCHESTER, PA.

DEAR BETRAYED: Now that you know how little Angelo respects your feelings, you should move. When you told him it was you or the dog, and he got one anyway, he gave you your answer.

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For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a successful man with a great marriage, four terrific children -- all grown with professional careers -- and beautiful grandchildren. I am very close to all of them.

Before I married my wife -- while still in college 30 years ago -- I had a short affair with a young woman at school. I recently ran into her, and she informed me that I have another child -- a grown daughter I'll call "Eden." It was the first I'd heard of it. She never contacted me. I saw Eden, and she is the spitting image of my mother. I spoke to her, but I was still in shock and didn't know what to say. Her mother introduced me as "an old boyfriend."

I have been in contact with the mother since then. Although she doesn't want me to divulge "our secret," she did ask if I would give Eden a large amount of money. Our daughter is beautiful, has a doctorate and is doing well in her field.

I'm very sad. I love my family and all of my children. Of course, I told them about this. They are eager to meet their half-sister and would love her as well. What would be best for all concerned here? -- SAD DAD

DEAR SAD DAD: A secret is no longer a secret when more than two people know it -- and right now the number is up to seven. If Eden is doing well, why does she need your money? Could it be her mother is after it? Who has Eden been led to believe was her father all of these years? She should be told the truth, if only so she will have an accurate family medical history.

As I see it, Eden is mature, educated, and can handle the truth. However, before writing any checks -- large or small -- I urge you to discuss this entire scenario with your lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a family funeral at which one of my relatives brought his dog. It wasn't a service dog, Abby, just a regular house dog. It was everywhere the family was -- the funeral home, the service, even at the church dinner.

This relative lives in the same town where the funeral was held, so it wasn't an issue of leaving the dog at home for an extended period of time. I understand that some people treat their dogs like people, but I think taking a pet to a funeral pushes the limits. -- DOGGONE UPSET IN KANSAS

DEAR UPSET: I agree. However, if the person who officiated at the funeral didn't object to the potential disruption, then who am I to cast the first bone?

DEAR ABBY: I have been reading your column for many years, but I have never before been tempted to write to you until now. About a year ago we moved into a new home in a nice neighborhood. One of the last homes sold happens to be on our street.

Yesterday, a flier was stuck in our mailbox. I don't know how many of them were distributed, but there are 200 homes in our subdivision. The flier announced an open house. It listed all the usual stuff -- time and place -- with the following statement: "If you would like to bless us with a gift, we would greatly appreciate a gift card from one of the following stores: Home Depot, Wal-Mart, Lowe's, Best Buy, Sears or JCPenney."

We were flabbergasted to get such an "invitation" from someone we don't even know. What do you think about it, and how would you handle this? -- FLABBERGASTED IN SEFFNER, FLA.

DEAR FLABBERGASTED: I think your new neighbors have elevated the "gimmes" to a whole new level. And I would treat it exactly the same way I'd treat any other unwelcome solicitation.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I got the surprise of my life three years ago when my husband of 28 years asked for a divorce. Not long after the divorce became final, I ran into "Tim," an old high school classmate, and fell head over heels for him. He stays at my house every weekend and is on his own during the week.

Last week I used Tim's e-mail account to send an e-mail. When I pulled up the account, I discovered that for the past three years, the man I'm in love with has been seeing five other women! He reminded me that he has been a bachelor for 20 years and has many female acquaintances. He sees nothing wrong with going out with them, and sees one of them once a week.

I am extremely uncomfortable knowing that Tim has been seeing other women and wasn't up-front with me about it. I was under the impression that we had an exclusive relationship. Are my feelings unreasonable? -- SHOCKED IN OHIO

DEAR SHOCKED: If Tim lied to you about having an exclusive relationship, then you have reason to be angry. However, if he did not -- and exclusivity was important to you -- you should have made certain it was discussed.

Surely, if Tim was deceiving you, he wouldn't have given you his password. Now that you know his feelings about monogamy, it's up to you to decide whether you will tolerate an open relationship, because it appears that's all he's willing to have.

P.S. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I suggest that you be checked for STDs.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle a disagreement my wife, "Angela," and I are having. We heard from some friends that Angela's nephew was being married. Angela saw her nephew on a couple of occasions, and he never once mentioned that he was even engaged.

The wedding was held in July. We did not receive an invitation. Now an announcement has arrived in the mail stating that they are married. Angela has heard through the grapevine that the bride is registered for wedding gifts at a local department store.

I say we should send them a card since we were neither notified of the engagement nor invited to the wedding. Angela is very upset over this because she has always felt close to her nephew -- but apparently her feelings weren't reciprocated. She thinks we should send a nice gift. What do you think, Abby? -- CONFUSED AND SAD

DEAR CONFUSED AND SAD: You and your wife are in no way obligated to send a gift to her nephew and his bride. However, because your wife feels she would like to send something, a "token" gift would be suitable -- and very generous under the circumstances.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 24 and find myself in a situation where my relationship with my boyfriend may be coming to an end. The breakup isn't the part I fear the most. It hurts, but time heals and I know I will be OK. What I'm dreading are the inevitable questions I'll be getting about why it happened.

Why can't people -- especially family -- just accept things for what they are? Talking about it won't make it any better. How should I respond to people who ask me questions? I want to be polite but still make it clear that questions only make it worse. -- SAD IN CHICAGO

DEAR SAD: Here's the mantra. Say, "It's really too painful to discuss right now, and I'd appreciate it if you would drop the subject." And if the questioner is insensitive enough to persist after that, repeat it. Then change the subject.