DEAR ABBY: I am a successful man with a great marriage, four terrific children -- all grown with professional careers -- and beautiful grandchildren. I am very close to all of them.

Before I married my wife -- while still in college 30 years ago -- I had a short affair with a young woman at school. I recently ran into her, and she informed me that I have another child -- a grown daughter I'll call "Eden." It was the first I'd heard of it. She never contacted me. I saw Eden, and she is the spitting image of my mother. I spoke to her, but I was still in shock and didn't know what to say. Her mother introduced me as "an old boyfriend."

I have been in contact with the mother since then. Although she doesn't want me to divulge "our secret," she did ask if I would give Eden a large amount of money. Our daughter is beautiful, has a doctorate and is doing well in her field.

I'm very sad. I love my family and all of my children. Of course, I told them about this. They are eager to meet their half-sister and would love her as well. What would be best for all concerned here? -- SAD DAD

DEAR SAD DAD: A secret is no longer a secret when more than two people know it -- and right now the number is up to seven. If Eden is doing well, why does she need your money? Could it be her mother is after it? Who has Eden been led to believe was her father all of these years? She should be told the truth, if only so she will have an accurate family medical history.

As I see it, Eden is mature, educated, and can handle the truth. However, before writing any checks -- large or small -- I urge you to discuss this entire scenario with your lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a family funeral at which one of my relatives brought his dog. It wasn't a service dog, Abby, just a regular house dog. It was everywhere the family was -- the funeral home, the service, even at the church dinner.

This relative lives in the same town where the funeral was held, so it wasn't an issue of leaving the dog at home for an extended period of time. I understand that some people treat their dogs like people, but I think taking a pet to a funeral pushes the limits. -- DOGGONE UPSET IN KANSAS

DEAR UPSET: I agree. However, if the person who officiated at the funeral didn't object to the potential disruption, then who am I to cast the first bone?

DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a family funeral at which one of my relatives brought his dog. It wasn't a service dog, Abby, just a regular house dog. It was everywhere the family was -- the funeral home, the service, even at the church dinner.

This relative lives in the same town where the funeral was held, so it wasn't an issue of leaving the dog at home for an extended period of time. I understand that some people treat their dogs like people, but I think taking a pet to a funeral pushes the limits. -- DOGGONE UPSET IN KANSAS

DEAR UPSET: I agree. However, if the person who officiated at the funeral didn't object to the potential disruption, then who am I to cast the first bone?

DEAR ABBY: I have been reading your column for many years, but I have never before been tempted to write to you until now. About a year ago we moved into a new home in a nice neighborhood. One of the last homes sold happens to be on our street.

Yesterday, a flier was stuck in our mailbox. I don't know how many of them were distributed, but there are 200 homes in our subdivision. The flier announced an open house. It listed all the usual stuff -- time and place -- with the following statement: "If you would like to bless us with a gift, we would greatly appreciate a gift card from one of the following stores: Home Depot, Wal-Mart, Lowe's, Best Buy, Sears or JCPenney."

We were flabbergasted to get such an "invitation" from someone we don't even know. What do you think about it, and how would you handle this? -- FLABBERGASTED IN SEFFNER, FLA.

DEAR FLABBERGASTED: I think your new neighbors have elevated the "gimmes" to a whole new level. And I would treat it exactly the same way I'd treat any other unwelcome solicitation.

DEAR ABBY: I got the surprise of my life three years ago when my husband of 28 years asked for a divorce. Not long after the divorce became final, I ran into "Tim," an old high school classmate, and fell head over heels for him. He stays at my house every weekend and is on his own during the week.

Last week I used Tim's e-mail account to send an e-mail. When I pulled up the account, I discovered that for the past three years, the man I'm in love with has been seeing five other women! He reminded me that he has been a bachelor for 20 years and has many female acquaintances. He sees nothing wrong with going out with them, and sees one of them once a week.

I am extremely uncomfortable knowing that Tim has been seeing other women and wasn't up-front with me about it. I was under the impression that we had an exclusive relationship. Are my feelings unreasonable? -- SHOCKED IN OHIO

DEAR SHOCKED: If Tim lied to you about having an exclusive relationship, then you have reason to be angry. However, if he did not -- and exclusivity was important to you -- you should have made certain it was discussed.

Surely, if Tim was deceiving you, he wouldn't have given you his password. Now that you know his feelings about monogamy, it's up to you to decide whether you will tolerate an open relationship, because it appears that's all he's willing to have.

P.S. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I suggest that you be checked for STDs.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle a disagreement my wife, "Angela," and I are having. We heard from some friends that Angela's nephew was being married. Angela saw her nephew on a couple of occasions, and he never once mentioned that he was even engaged.

The wedding was held in July. We did not receive an invitation. Now an announcement has arrived in the mail stating that they are married. Angela has heard through the grapevine that the bride is registered for wedding gifts at a local department store.

I say we should send them a card since we were neither notified of the engagement nor invited to the wedding. Angela is very upset over this because she has always felt close to her nephew -- but apparently her feelings weren't reciprocated. She thinks we should send a nice gift. What do you think, Abby? -- CONFUSED AND SAD

DEAR CONFUSED AND SAD: You and your wife are in no way obligated to send a gift to her nephew and his bride. However, because your wife feels she would like to send something, a "token" gift would be suitable -- and very generous under the circumstances.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle a disagreement my wife, "Angela," and I are having. We heard from some friends that Angela's nephew was being married. Angela saw her nephew on a couple of occasions, and he never once mentioned that he was even engaged.

The wedding was held in July. We did not receive an invitation. Now an announcement has arrived in the mail stating that they are married. Angela has heard through the grapevine that the bride is registered for wedding gifts at a local department store.

I say we should send them a card since we were neither notified of the engagement nor invited to the wedding. Angela is very upset over this because she has always felt close to her nephew -- but apparently her feelings weren't reciprocated. She thinks we should send a nice gift. What do you think, Abby? -- CONFUSED AND SAD

DEAR CONFUSED AND SAD: You and your wife are in no way obligated to send a gift to her nephew and his bride. However, because your wife feels she would like to send something, a "token" gift would be suitable -- and very generous under the circumstances.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 24 and find myself in a situation where my relationship with my boyfriend may be coming to an end. The breakup isn't the part I fear the most. It hurts, but time heals and I know I will be OK. What I'm dreading are the inevitable questions I'll be getting about why it happened.

Why can't people -- especially family -- just accept things for what they are? Talking about it won't make it any better. How should I respond to people who ask me questions? I want to be polite but still make it clear that questions only make it worse. -- SAD IN CHICAGO

DEAR SAD: Here's the mantra. Say, "It's really too painful to discuss right now, and I'd appreciate it if you would drop the subject." And if the questioner is insensitive enough to persist after that, repeat it. Then change the subject.

DEAR READERS: In the wake of hurricanes Katrina and Rita, and projections from the National Weather Service indicating that there are more to come, it is apparent that too many of our citizens are at a loss about how to prepare for a natural disaster.

Wanting to help not only the hurricane survivors, but also to offer information so that ALL of us will be better prepared for potential disasters in the future, I turned to my friends at the Federal Citizen Information Center in Pueblo, Colorado.

True to form, they have come through with an excellent publication from the U.S. Department of Homeland Security: "Preparing Makes Sense. Get Ready Now." It explains how to assemble an emergency supply kit and develop a family plan that can be invaluable in all kinds of emergencies. The booklet is free. It's available in both English and Spanish, and can be ordered by writing to: Preparing Makes Sense, Pueblo, Colo. 81009, or by calling toll-free: 1-888-878-3256 Monday through Friday, 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. ET.

For survivors of the hurricanes, and for those individuals who want to help with the recovery effort, one of the best online sources is � HYPERLINK "http://www.FirstGov.gov" ��www.FirstGov.gov�. This Web site has links to help locate loved ones, register online for government assistance, replace your vital personal documents, locate state and local services, as well as volunteer opportunities.

Because scam artists are always quick to take advantage of those in need as well as those who want to help, � HYPERLINK "http://www.FirstGov.gov" ��www.FirstGov.gov� offers sound advice for avoiding frauds and schemes, and making sure the charity that you donate to is reputable. (Free copies of "Preparing Makes Sense" can also be ordered online at FirstGov.gov.)

While my prayer is that our country will be spared future disasters, my goal today is to encourage you to send for this free publication and to further protect yourselves and your loved ones by using the resources at � HYPERLINK "http://www.FirstGov.gov" ��www.FirstGov.gov�. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: At a friend's wedding last weekend, my best friend's husband propositioned me. He said if I ever wanted "something on the side" to give him a call. I was floored. I had always considered him to be a creep, but never thought he would pull something like that.

I told him it would never happen, but if I ever considered it, it certainly wouldn't be with my best friend's husband. He said that that's why I was the perfect candidate -- because I would never say anything to her.

What should I do? I don't want to tell her and have that be the reason she splits up with her husband, but I think she should know her husband is on the prowl. She has two small children with this loser, and although he seems to be a good father, apparently he's a bad husband. -- APPALLED IN HUNTINGTON BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR APPALLED: Considering the number of sexually transmitted diseases there are that can have serious, lasting health implications, you'd be doing your best friend a favor by speaking up. One way to lead into it would be to ask if her husband had had "a lot to drink" at the wedding, because "this is what he said to me." She should consult her doctor about being checked for STDs -- as well as asking for a referral to a marriage counselor, because her marriage is in trouble.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)