DEAR ABBY: I got the surprise of my life three years ago when my husband of 28 years asked for a divorce. Not long after the divorce became final, I ran into "Tim," an old high school classmate, and fell head over heels for him. He stays at my house every weekend and is on his own during the week.

Last week I used Tim's e-mail account to send an e-mail. When I pulled up the account, I discovered that for the past three years, the man I'm in love with has been seeing five other women! He reminded me that he has been a bachelor for 20 years and has many female acquaintances. He sees nothing wrong with going out with them, and sees one of them once a week.

I am extremely uncomfortable knowing that Tim has been seeing other women and wasn't up-front with me about it. I was under the impression that we had an exclusive relationship. Are my feelings unreasonable? -- SHOCKED IN OHIO

DEAR SHOCKED: If Tim lied to you about having an exclusive relationship, then you have reason to be angry. However, if he did not -- and exclusivity was important to you -- you should have made certain it was discussed.

Surely, if Tim was deceiving you, he wouldn't have given you his password. Now that you know his feelings about monogamy, it's up to you to decide whether you will tolerate an open relationship, because it appears that's all he's willing to have.

P.S. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I suggest that you be checked for STDs.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle a disagreement my wife, "Angela," and I are having. We heard from some friends that Angela's nephew was being married. Angela saw her nephew on a couple of occasions, and he never once mentioned that he was even engaged.

The wedding was held in July. We did not receive an invitation. Now an announcement has arrived in the mail stating that they are married. Angela has heard through the grapevine that the bride is registered for wedding gifts at a local department store.

I say we should send them a card since we were neither notified of the engagement nor invited to the wedding. Angela is very upset over this because she has always felt close to her nephew -- but apparently her feelings weren't reciprocated. She thinks we should send a nice gift. What do you think, Abby? -- CONFUSED AND SAD

DEAR CONFUSED AND SAD: You and your wife are in no way obligated to send a gift to her nephew and his bride. However, because your wife feels she would like to send something, a "token" gift would be suitable -- and very generous under the circumstances.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 24 and find myself in a situation where my relationship with my boyfriend may be coming to an end. The breakup isn't the part I fear the most. It hurts, but time heals and I know I will be OK. What I'm dreading are the inevitable questions I'll be getting about why it happened.

Why can't people -- especially family -- just accept things for what they are? Talking about it won't make it any better. How should I respond to people who ask me questions? I want to be polite but still make it clear that questions only make it worse. -- SAD IN CHICAGO

DEAR SAD: Here's the mantra. Say, "It's really too painful to discuss right now, and I'd appreciate it if you would drop the subject." And if the questioner is insensitive enough to persist after that, repeat it. Then change the subject.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 24 and find myself in a situation where my relationship with my boyfriend may be coming to an end. The breakup isn't the part I fear the most. It hurts, but time heals and I know I will be OK. What I'm dreading are the inevitable questions I'll be getting about why it happened.

Why can't people -- especially family -- just accept things for what they are? Talking about it won't make it any better. How should I respond to people who ask me questions? I want to be polite but still make it clear that questions only make it worse. -- SAD IN CHICAGO

DEAR SAD: Here's the mantra. Say, "It's really too painful to discuss right now, and I'd appreciate it if you would drop the subject." And if the questioner is insensitive enough to persist after that, repeat it. Then change the subject.

DEAR READERS: In the wake of hurricanes Katrina and Rita, and projections from the National Weather Service indicating that there are more to come, it is apparent that too many of our citizens are at a loss about how to prepare for a natural disaster.

Wanting to help not only the hurricane survivors, but also to offer information so that ALL of us will be better prepared for potential disasters in the future, I turned to my friends at the Federal Citizen Information Center in Pueblo, Colorado.

True to form, they have come through with an excellent publication from the U.S. Department of Homeland Security: "Preparing Makes Sense. Get Ready Now." It explains how to assemble an emergency supply kit and develop a family plan that can be invaluable in all kinds of emergencies. The booklet is free. It's available in both English and Spanish, and can be ordered by writing to: Preparing Makes Sense, Pueblo, Colo. 81009, or by calling toll-free: 1-888-878-3256 Monday through Friday, 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. ET.

For survivors of the hurricanes, and for those individuals who want to help with the recovery effort, one of the best online sources is � HYPERLINK "http://www.FirstGov.gov" ��www.FirstGov.gov�. This Web site has links to help locate loved ones, register online for government assistance, replace your vital personal documents, locate state and local services, as well as volunteer opportunities.

Because scam artists are always quick to take advantage of those in need as well as those who want to help, � HYPERLINK "http://www.FirstGov.gov" ��www.FirstGov.gov� offers sound advice for avoiding frauds and schemes, and making sure the charity that you donate to is reputable. (Free copies of "Preparing Makes Sense" can also be ordered online at FirstGov.gov.)

While my prayer is that our country will be spared future disasters, my goal today is to encourage you to send for this free publication and to further protect yourselves and your loved ones by using the resources at � HYPERLINK "http://www.FirstGov.gov" ��www.FirstGov.gov�. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: At a friend's wedding last weekend, my best friend's husband propositioned me. He said if I ever wanted "something on the side" to give him a call. I was floored. I had always considered him to be a creep, but never thought he would pull something like that.

I told him it would never happen, but if I ever considered it, it certainly wouldn't be with my best friend's husband. He said that that's why I was the perfect candidate -- because I would never say anything to her.

What should I do? I don't want to tell her and have that be the reason she splits up with her husband, but I think she should know her husband is on the prowl. She has two small children with this loser, and although he seems to be a good father, apparently he's a bad husband. -- APPALLED IN HUNTINGTON BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR APPALLED: Considering the number of sexually transmitted diseases there are that can have serious, lasting health implications, you'd be doing your best friend a favor by speaking up. One way to lead into it would be to ask if her husband had had "a lot to drink" at the wedding, because "this is what he said to me." She should consult her doctor about being checked for STDs -- as well as asking for a referral to a marriage counselor, because her marriage is in trouble.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Boy, did I identify with the letter about the Army wife whose husband is being deployed to Kuwait. My husband of 25 years is in Iraq now. It's a short deployment; however, my reaction to it was unusual for me.

At first, I took it in stride. But as the time approached for him to leave, I became anxious and depressed. I consulted a therapist, whom I'm still seeing. I had similar feelings as the wife's. I was scared out of my mind that my husband would not return and I, too, wanted a divorce. I'm still mystified about my reaction. He has been away before, but never in a place so dangerous. I, too, felt he was choosing the military over me and our kids.

The only thing that helped me when we left him at the airport was the knowledge that he really wanted to do this. I thought, if he gets killed, at least he will have died doing what he wanted. -- ALICE IN SOMERDALE, N.J.

DEAR ALICE: That letter struck a chord with many military (and former military) wives. All of them had something important to contribute. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: What that military wife needs to know is that her reaction to her husband's deployment is not uncommon. She is going through the anger/detachment withdrawal stages -- anger at the military and at her spouse for being in the military. It is common to withdraw and/or argue just prior to deployment since it can be easier to be angry than to confront the pain and loss of departure. She's not the first military spouse to have these feelings.

These hardships can seem easier to handle if the family knows they are not alone. The wife should connect with her husband's unit's Family Readiness Group to get helpful information about deployment resources and accurate information about his unit. It really does help to connect with other spouses who are going through what she's going through. If there is no one nearby, she can connect online through � HYPERLINK "http://www.cinchouse.com" ��www.cinchouse.com�.

Another resource she should be aware of is � HYPERLINK "http://www.militaryonesource.com" ��www.militaryonesource.com� (or 1-800-342-9647), where she can get answers to her questions and help 24/7. (This can include six confidential counseling sessions with therapists outside the military system.) -- KATHIE HIGHTOWER, TACOMA, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband went to Vietnam for a year, the first thing I did was get a part-time job to keep me busy. I wrote him every day and sent tapes twice a week. Many times, we would leave the recorder running so he could feel like a part of the family when we discussed various "happenings" in the kids' and my day. I taped the kids' concerts and sent them with the comment, "If I have to sit through this, so do you!" All the guys got a kick out of it, and he was the envy of all.

If she feels she needs a support group, she should contact other wives whose husbands are overseas. They can comfort each other. Also, instead of looking for people to help her, she should volunteer to help others less fortunate. She doesn't need a therapist as much as she needs a LIFE. -- VENETA L., GREAT FALLS, MT.

DEAR ABBY: Instead of distancing herself, that wife needs to talk about her fears to her husband. If she does, she may be surprised to learn that they both fear the same thing.

Many times we don't want to do things, but do them we must. I agree with you, Abby; the woman should continue counseling. -- BARBARA IN PORTSMOUTH, VA.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)