DEAR ABBY: Over the last 25 years, Americans have done a great deal to prevent fires in their homes. Home fire fatalities in the United States have dropped 50 percent since the 1970s, thanks in part to public awareness and education. Technology such as smoke alarms has helped, too -- by alerting home occupants when fires start and giving them time to escape.

However, while most categories of fire continue to decline, one category is on the upswing: candle fires. That is why this year, during Fire Prevention Week, the National Fire Protection Association is focusing its efforts on offering important candle safety information to Dear Abby readers.

Some facts to consider about candle fires: More candles are now being sold, and the result has been more fires. Candles have become such popular decorative accessories that during the last decade in the U.S., fires caused by candles have tripled in number to 18,000 per year. Forty percent of these fires begin in the bedroom, causing one-quarter of the deaths associated with candles! (December has almost twice the number of home candle fires as any other month.)

How can you safely enjoy candles at home? Extinguish them when leaving the room or before going to sleep. Make sure all candles are placed in sturdy holders, large enough to collect dripping wax. Keep them out of reach of children or pets. And use a flashlight -- not a candle -- for emergency lighting.

Thank you, Abby, for reminding your readers to be responsible when using candles. I hope everyone who reads this will take the necessary steps to guard against fire in their homes. -- JAMES M. SHANNON, PRESIDENT, NATIONAL FIRE PROTECTION ASSOCIATION

DEAR JAMES: Thank you for wanting to protect my readers. Candles have, indeed, become popular home accessories -- just open the cover of any home decorating magazine and see the many ways they are displayed in the decor of patios, living rooms, dining rooms, bathrooms and "romantic" bedrooms.

(Two fatalities occurred in Chicago when a woman lighted a candle in her bedroom and then left the room. Her bed caught fire, and the smoke spread to her neighbors' apartments. She escaped, but tragically two of her neighbors died of smoke inhalation.)

Readers, Fire Prevention Week (Oct. 9-15) is not only a reminder, but also an opportunity to check around your homes for other fire hazards, and to be sure your smoke (and carbon monoxide) detectors are properly installed and maintained. It is also the time to review and practice with your families what escape plans you have in place in the event of an emergency. (You should have two alternative plans, and everyone in the household should be familiar with what they are.)

DEAR ABBY: My ex and I have been divorced for almost three years (no children). He married the woman he left me for. I have said goodbye to him, but he keeps coming up with excuses to talk with me. What is his problem? -- DISGUSTED IN TEXAS

DEAR DISGUSTED: Although your ex left you and remarried, on some level he still cannot let go. Unless you enjoy talking to him, start screening your calls. It's ironic that he's now using you to "cheat" on the woman with whom he was cheating on you, but it's more common than you think.

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DEAR ABBY: My son, "Max," is 14. We have always been able to talk about everything. I have always told him he could trust me and his father. I am very proud of him.

Yesterday I was shocked speechless because Max shaved his legs! Although I almost had a heart attack, I tried to remain calm. He says that all his friends are doing it, and that the girls like it. His father sat down with him and told him that men do not shave their legs. My son says it is the fashion, and hairy legs are not "in."

Max is a wonderful young man. People always tell me how lucky we are to have such a terrific son. Am I overreacting? I'm confused and beginning to feel the generation gap. -- WORRIED MOM IN PUERTO RICO

DEAR WORRIED: Calm down and stop worrying. You have asked your son to trust you; now it's time to trust your son. Many perfectly normal males shave their legs -- including athletes, bodybuilders, bicyclists, swimmers and people in the public eye. And I'm sure many girls do like it, because it shows muscle definition to better advantage.

P.S. It's only hair. It will grow back.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 18, I married my best friend, "Tom." A year later, we had a baby girl, "China Lynn." When she was about a year old, Tom and I realized that although we loved each other, we were not IN love. Tom moved next door so he could see our daughter every day. It has worked out great.

When China Lynn was 5, I met "Harry," the love of my life. Tom met a terrific gal, and the five of us get along like one big happy family.

Harry and I just had a new baby boy. We want Tom and his new wife to be our son's godparents. A lot of people are saying it's just not right, or that we should ask someone else. I feel fortunate that China Lynn has four parents who love her, and I want my son to have that, too. Tom and his wife already treat him like they do China Lynn. Is that wrong? -- HAPPY NEW MOM IN TROY, N.Y.

DEAR HAPPY NEW MOM: I see nothing "wrong" with it. It may be unusual, but it only underscores the healthy, positive relationship you have with your former husband and his new wife. I say, go for it.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 18, I married my best friend, "Tom." A year later, we had a baby girl, "China Lynn." When she was about a year old, Tom and I realized that although we loved each other, we were not IN love. Tom moved next door so he could see our daughter every day. It has worked out great.

When China Lynn was 5, I met "Harry," the love of my life. Tom met a terrific gal, and the five of us get along like one big happy family.

Harry and I just had a new baby boy. We want Tom and his new wife to be our son's godparents. A lot of people are saying it's just not right, or that we should ask someone else. I feel fortunate that China Lynn has four parents who love her, and I want my son to have that, too. Tom and his wife already treat him like they do China Lynn. Is that wrong? -- HAPPY NEW MOM IN TROY, N.Y.

DEAR HAPPY NEW MOM: I see nothing "wrong" with it. It may be unusual, but it only underscores the healthy, positive relationship you have with your former husband and his new wife. I say, go for it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single, 29-year-old male who has met a wonderful 20-year-old woman, "Robin." Would it be wrong for me to date Robin because of the age difference? I have never been married and have no kids. I have a great job and a home. I really like her.

My 20s were wild. I loved them and did many amazing things. But now I am moving into my 30s, and Robin is barely starting her 20s. She hasn't experienced the bar scene or other things I have moved on from. I still love to hit a sports bar and grab a beer, but the late nights out and the all-nighters are over. Would it be wrong for me to deprive her of her chance to experience her 20s? -- OLDER GUY BLUES IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR OLDER GUY: You're asking the wrong person. Ask Robin if the bar scene would be more attractive to her than a serious relationship -- and possibly marriage. If her answer is yes, then you're not too old for her; she is too immature for you.

DEAR ABBY: The bus stop for the elementary school students in our neighborhood is right in front of my driveway. I rarely sit outside and wait for my children to get on the bus, but the other day I did. Two neighbor boys, fifth- and third-graders, got into a fight on my front lawn. I refuse to tolerate fighting, so I went over and broke it up. The next two mornings, the same thing happened. My daughter told me they fight all the time, and it's been going on for over a year.

I want to put a stop to it, but I'm not sure how. I don't want to have to sit there every morning and break up the fight, but is it my duty to "tattle" to the parents? Both families have lived in the neighborhood for years, and both have expressed verbally that they never felt accepted. Both families also have the attitude that their children are always right and the rest of the neighborhood is always wrong. Bringing this up to either one could really cause an uproar.

I have spoken to both boys, but it clearly isn't helping. Please advise me before someone gets hurt. -- BUS-STOP MOM IN UTAH

DEAR BUS-STOP MOM: Put a stop to this immediately. Not only could one of those boys be seriously injured, but if it happens on your property, you could be liable.

You should have documented these fighting incidents when they occurred. However, because your daughter is a witness, the two of you should pay a call on the school principal and explain what's going on. Some schools have zero tolerance for bullying, and because one boy is two years older, their fights could be considered as such. Both sets of parents should also be notified. Both families seem to have self-esteem issues -- and the boys might be in need of counseling as well as mediation.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have one child and are not planning on having any more. While I have no problem with people asking when we'll be having another one (this is the most common question), I am offended when some people -- usually the parents of more than one -- insist on telling me that I "must" have another child.

Some people have even gone so far as to tell me that if I don't have another, my daughter will grow up to be self-centered and selfish, or that I'm not a "real" mother until I've had more than one child.

We have worked hard to instill compassion and generosity in our daughter. Furthermore, these comments can be especially hurtful to those who are physically unable to have more than one child.

I would deeply appreciate it if you could help me get the word out that dictating how many children others should have is highly presumptuous, and it's nobody's business but the parents'. Thanks a bunch, Abby. -- LORNA IN FULLERTON

DEAR LORNA: If you have read my column for any length of time, I'm sure you are already aware that there is no end of personal questions and rude observations that people address to each other. I think that most people raise the topic of children because they see it as a common denominator -- an easy way to establish rapport with strangers.

Because I have no statistics that either prove or disprove the cliche that only children must be spoiled or self-centered, I won't comment about it. However, if someone told me that I wasn't a "real" mother because I didn't have more than one child, I would reply that nowhere is it written that in order to be a real mother I have to have a litter.

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