DEAR ABBY: My husband of five years, "Jeff," is one of the most intelligent, loving, sensitive men I have ever met. However, the other day, my daughter, "Julie," reported that Jeff had touched her inappropriately two years ago when she was 10. She also quoted some inappropriate sexual comments he has made and said he had even flashed her once.

As if that is not bad enough, she said Jeff had also been threatening her while I was at work, saying things like, "Your mother isn't here to save you." He has never hit either one of us. He is all bark and no bite, although he can be very scary when he is angry.

The police and the Department of Human Services are now involved. Jeff has moved to a motel pending an investigation.

I know my first concern should be for Julie, but I feel she is safe and happy. I am more upset about my husband. Even though I know he is an idiot for doing these things, and my daughter is afraid of him, I don't think he ever intended to molest or hurt her. But he has.

So why do I want him back so much? I am afraid the detectives will force me to divorce him. I know Julie is not comfortable around him, but I keep hoping that family counseling and some therapy will solve the problem. Of course, I will always choose my child first, but when do I know when to give up on my marriage? -- TORN IN TWO IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR TORN: You probably want your husband back because you are still in a state of denial, or have not yet accepted the fact that he may have married you to get to your little girl. You will know when to give up on your marriage when you have finally accepted that you married a predatory child molester who tried to bully your daughter into submission. She is afraid of him for good reason, and family counseling and therapy are not likely to "cure" him of his sick fixation on her. Please remember that when he tries to re-ingratiate himself.

DEAR ABBY: From time to time, you tell young women who think they might be pregnant and are afraid to tell their parents, to do so. I usually do not write letters like this, but I need to express my personal experience. I am a minister. Several years ago, I worked for Planned Parenthood and we had a young girl -- around 13 years of age -- test positive for pregnancy. We urged her to tell her parents, but she kept refusing, insisting, "Dad will kill me!"

Of course, we knew better, and finally convinced her that the best thing was to tell her parents, have the baby, and get on with her life.

Her father beat her so badly that she was in the hospital for more than a month. She lost the baby because of the beating and ended up in foster care.

I will never again tell a young person that her parents will not go crazy, and I don't think you should do that either. Thanks, Abby. I enjoy your column. -- REGRETFUL IN FLORIDA

DEAR REGRETFUL: Thank you for the warning. Even though we wish all teenagers could disclose to their parents, as your letter illustrates, it is a sad reality that some of them cannot. And we, who care about young people, have to first be concerned with their safety. Although most young girls do involve their families, there will always be some who are unable to do so.

For that reason, I do not believe that parental notification should be mandated by law. And because sex education is no longer taught in as many states as it had been before, I strongly urge parents to begin talking to their children early about the facts of life and their personal value systems, in order to create a safe and comfortable environment should a crisis occur.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: From time to time I have seen letters in your column about acts of kindness. I hope you will print my letter to say "thank you" to a kind soul who helped me after Hurricane Katrina.

My husband and I stayed in our home in Biloxi during Katrina. We were fortunate that the storm stopped at our front door. The large oak trees that fell did not fall on our house, and we were able to assist others on our street who also stayed. But we both knew that I needed to get our children (3 1/2 years old and 15 months) out. We were running short of water and were not sure when there would be more food.

Not realizing how badly everyone had been affected, I left the house with only two small bottles of water, $10 in cash and a few snacks. I wanted to leave everything for my husband -- thinking that as soon as I got to Jackson, Miss., everything would be fine.

I arrived in the town of Hazelhurst on Tuesday evening with two thirsty, crying babies, and wondering what in the world to do. I pulled into the Days Inn and asked if they had a room. They did, but there was no water, no electricity and no drinking water. I left the front desk in tears.

A kind Hispanic woman ran after me and offered me a gallon of her water. I offered her the $10, but she refused it. Her husband told me I needed to stop and rest. She helped me take the kids out of the car, helped me with my luggage, helped me check in, and showed me to my room. Later that night, she brought me half a gallon of milk for the babies, and a beautiful votive candle so I could see them. She said, "For the babies."

I left early the next morning to try to get enough gas so I could reach my parents, and I never got the woman's name. May God bless her for the rest of her life. I am normally very logical and calm, but I could not think clearly that day. She opened her arms and her heart, and for that I am truly grateful.

I wish I could see her, hug her and say "thank you" in person. I owe her so much, but all I can offer her are my prayers for the rest of her days on this Earth.

Thank you for helping me try to reach her, Abby. God bless all of us in this difficult time. -- LAURA V., BILOXI, MISS.

DEAR LAURA: I'm pleased to print your letter. I hope your guardian angel sees it. By sharing what little she had with you, she demonstrated the true spirit of giving in its highest form.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Sybil," had a close friend, "Maxine," who recently offended her. Now she prefers to avoid the woman altogether.

Maxine's husband and I play golf together, and Sybil feels that I am wrong to continue a relationship with him. I disagree; first, because in time my wife's wounds may heal and her relationship with Maxine may resume. Also, I have never dictated who Sybil should or should not befriend, and I feel the reverse should also be true.

Who's right here? You decide! -- "SWINGER" IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SWINGER: You are. Just because you are no longer a foursome shouldn't mean you have to scratch your golf buddy. She should "putt out" of your golf game. For her to attempt to punish her former friend by punishing her husband is childish.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Eleven years ago, my 7-year-old son, Nicholas, was shot in a botched robbery in Italy. His organs were donated to seven Italian citizens. Since that time, donation rates in Italy have tripled and thousands of people -- many of them children -- are alive who would have died.

Through its annual Holiday Resolution Campaign, the National Kidney Foundation is urging Americans to consider the ultimate holiday gift idea -- organ donation, the gift of life. By simply signing a donor card or enrolling in a state donor registry, we can do for the United States what Nicholas' story did for Italy.

Abby, I hope you will join me in urging your readers to sign donor cards, and give those in need of the gift of life a new beginning. -- REG GREEN, LA CANADA, CALIF.

DEAR REG: I'm pleased to do so. I remember reading newspaper accounts of the courageous way you dealt with your son's tragic death, and the difference it made in the attitude toward organ donation in Italy. That you took the pain of losing your son and turned it into something positive is inspiring.

Please, readers, take a moment and consider the importance of organ donation. Discuss it with your families because it is they who will have the final say. For more information or to receive a free donor card, contact the National Kidney Foundation by calling toll-free (800) 622-9010, or visit � HYPERLINK "http://www.kidney.org" ��www.kidney.org� and click on "Transplantation."

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Liam," is a fabulous guy. We get along great -- as long as I don't leave the house. I am the only one working right now, and he makes me feel guilty for it. I go home for two hours every day at lunch and he picks a fight with me. He constantly calls me at work to ask if I am cheating on him.

Abby, I am working! I really want to be with Liam, but I can't feel sad and hurt all the time because I have a family to support. Please tell me how I can nicely tell Liam to stop being a jerk. -- MIXED UP IN MAINE

DEAR MIXED UP: Liam isn't a "jerk." He's not working, probably feels like less of a man for it, doesn't feel he deserves you, and is desperately insecure. Was he always this way -- or did it start after he stopped working?

If it's the former, then your "fabulous" guy is showing classic signs of being an abuser, a problem that will only escalate, and you need to get away from him. If it's the latter, then he needs to get out of the house, if only to volunteer some of his free time. That way he will contribute to something, possibly meet people who can give him employment, and have less free time to obsess about you. Please encourage him to do it.

DEAR ABBY: Six years ago, my niece gave me an antique table. It was in very poor condition. I restored it and used it until I moved into a smaller home last year, when I gave it to my daughter who has more room.

My niece saw it, and now she's "demanding" that my daughter give it back. Can we be forced to return it? -- MRS. C., MOUNT PLEASANT, S.C.

DEAR MRS. C.: Not in my book. Unless the table was given to you with the clear understanding that if you didn't need it would be returned to her, then it was a gift and not a loan. And once a gift is given, it is the property of the recipient to do with as she (or he) wishes.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)