DEAR ABBY: My former fiance has recently begun calling and asking me to meet him for dinner at a fancy restaurant. Our relationship ended badly, and I have neither spoken to him nor seen him for almost two years. He will not explain why he wants to meet, and insists that it's just "casual."

I don't see anything "casual" about meeting my ex in a fancy restaurant for dinner. I am curious about what he wants to say, but I don't want to disrespect my new beau by going to meet my ex-fiance. (I know I would be upset if the tables were turned.) I am happy in this relationship, and I don't want to encourage my ex to continue trying to contact me, or trying to be friends.

How should I handle this with tact and grace? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN WYOMING

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Handle this with tact and grace by smiling into the telephone as you tell your former fiance exactly what you have told me. By smiling when you speak, a warmer, friendlier tone is generated than if you tighten your jaw and speak from the throat. Your message is entirely appropriate.

DEAR ABBY: In years past, you have helped the National Influenza Summit spread the word about the importance of yearly influenza vaccination. On behalf of millions of health-care professionals, thank you for this great public service, and for helping to protect our patients against a disease that kills 36,000 Americans and hospitalizes more than 200,000 every year.

As our nation faces another flu season, your readers may remember last year's uncertainty about the vaccine supply, and wonder how best to protect their health and ensure that this valuable vaccine is distributed first to those who need it most. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has said that the following groups should be vaccinated annually, even when vaccine is in short supply:

-- PEOPLE AT HIGH RISK FOR COMPLICATIONS FROM INFLUENZA: This includes people 65 and older; people who live in nursing homes and other long-term care facilities; all children 6 to 23 months of age; adults and children 6 months and older with chronic medical conditions; and women who will be pregnant during the influenza season.

-- PEOPLE WHO CAN TRANSMIT INFLUENZA TO OTHERS AT HIGH RISK: This includes health-care workers, and household contacts and out-of-home caregivers of children 0 to 6 months of age.

If injectable flu vaccine is in short supply again this year, the CDC recommends that FluMist (nasal spray vaccine) be encouraged for use as much as possible for non-pregnant, healthy people 5 to 49 years of age, including health-care workers and contacts of the high-risk persons listed above. -- MITCHEL C. ROTHHOLZ, AMERICAN PHARMACISTS ASSOCIATION

DEAR READERS: As most of you know by now, I am, from personal experience, a firm believer in flu vaccination. If you fall into any of the groups mentioned in Mr. Rothholz's letter, get vaccinated early in the season (October) by your health-care provider or local health department. If you are not in one of these groups, vaccination in later months is a good way to safeguard your health. According to the CDC, flu shots will be "prioritized" until Oct. 24. On Oct. 24, the vaccine will be available to all who want it. Mark your calendars!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I disagree with the advice you gave to the girl who signed herself "Latchkey Kid in Seattle." While I agree that the last resort might be to find another adult the girl can stay with while her mom "entertains" her boyfriend/boss, her first step should be to try to solve the problem at home. A woman who devotes so much attention to her married boss at the expense of her own daughter is losing a lot of herself and destroying any future relationship with the girl.

I say the girl should talk with her mother about her feelings first, and how they can best balance the needs of both of them. Single parents can be blind to how their actions affect their loved ones when they become focused on their own needs. Mom should be told by her daughter how much she is needed and how important it is for her to know that her mom will be there for her. Companionship isn't the only issue here. The daughter needs her as a role model, parent and friend.

If Mom refuses to give her daughter the time and attention she so greatly deserves, then I say the daughter should seek help elsewhere. -- MICHAEL M., TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR MICHAEL M.: The mother KNOWS what she's doing. The writer indicated that it happens regularly. That's why I told her to talk to her father or another adult relative, or parent of a friend, about spending time in another household while "Mom is out on her dates." However, from the responses I received about that letter, some readers feel I wasn't hard enough on the mother. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am an art psychotherapist. Abandonment is the worst kind of mental and physical abuse. That mother should be reported as a child abuser. Instead of directing the child to family or friends' parents to watch over her, you should have told her to go to the father, school counselor or another trusted adult for help in getting out of this dangerous situation PERMANENTLY. I have seen the result of such neglect and abuse. It's horrible. Please advise other readers in similar situations that they don't have to be abused in this way. It could save a life. -- SANDY IN SUNNYVALE, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I am a Department of Social Health Services worker in Washington state. It is against state law here to leave a child under the age of 12 alone without an appropriate caregiver. That child needs to talk to another adult or family member immediately, as you suggested. But not for a refuge while her mother is "otherwise occupied." She needs a safe, sane and loving home in which to live. If there is no family member she can talk to, she should talk to someone at her school. The schools are required to report instances of suspected child abuse/neglect to Child Protective Services for investigation. -- CONCERNED IN VANCOUVER, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: I thought that as a parent you were supposed to put your child first. "Latchkey Kid's" mother is irresponsible, and her behavior shows concern for her needs only and none for her daughter. Maybe if Child Protective Services gets involved, the mother will get a wake-up call and go back to being the parent the girl deserves. -- DISGUSTED IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: You missed the boat here. You should have advised "Latchkey Kid" to go over and hang out with Mom's boss's wife. She is obviously alone as often as "Latchkey" is -- and she might appreciate the company! -- SHANNON IN PORT CHARLOTTE, FLA.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

The best way to do this is by direct deposit into a bank or credit union account.

A simple action like signing up for direct deposit offers some much-needed peace of mind. Direct deposit is completely predictable. It gives people access to their money wherever they are, whenever they need it. It also means no lost or stolen checks because the payment goes straight into a person's account.

The U.S. Department of the Treasury and the Federal Reserve Bank, as part of our Go Direct campaign, are encouraging all people -- whether affected by the hurricane or not -- to use direct deposit. -- DICK GREGG, COMMISSIONER, FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT SERVICE, U.S. DEPARTMENT OF THE TREASURY

DEAR MR. GREGG: I'm pleased to help you spread this important and timely message. With so many people having been displaced by the recent natural disaster in the Southeast, your Go Direct program will ease considerable logistical problems in getting their money to them. This is a prudent way for all Americans to be prepared in case of a disaster.

To sign up for direct deposit, please call toll-free: (800) 333-1795 (English and Espanol). People are on the phones waiting to help you. For more information, you can also visit www.GoDirect.org.

DEAR ABBY: I am from the South and have lived in Colorado for five years, but I still have a deep Southern accent. My problem concerns a woman who works at our local grocery store. Every time I shop there, she responds to me by mocking my accent in a very exaggerated manner.

Last week, I asked her to please not do it anymore because it hurts my feelings. She said she does it because she thinks I talk funny and it makes her laugh. Should I just find another store? This is really bothering me. -- DAUGHTER OF THE SOUTH, AURORA, COLO.

DEAR DAUGHTER: Absolutely find another establishment in which to spend your money -- but before you do, have a little chat with the manager of the store and explain why you're taking your business elsewhere. His employee appears to have left her brains in the deep freeze, because her actions are inexcusable.

DEAR ABBY: For most of this year I have been battling a drug and alcohol addiction. I am only 14, but I have managed to almost completely stop both -- but on my bad days I fall right back in.

I would have the strength to stop if it wasn't for my best friend, "Stella." Stella helped me deal with my parents' divorce and a near-suicide attempt. I got her into alcohol. I have tried to stop, but she is always dragging me back into it.

Please tell me what to do. I don't want to lose Stella as a friend, but I can't keep damaging my life. -- LOST IN CONFUSION, JACKSONVILLE, FLA.

DEAR LOST: One of the keys to staying sober is cutting your ties with people who "enable" you to fall off the wagon. Your health and sobriety depend upon your developing friendships with kids who stay clean. You and Stella may be best friends, but right now you're not good for each other.

You say Stella "saved your life." Well, you now have an opportunity to save hers. Do that by telling Stella's mother than she is abusing alcohol. Plan on the fact that your friend won't like it, but please don't chicken out. It's the most direct way to ensure that she'll get the help she needs.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)