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Direct Deposit Lets Hurricane Victims Have Access to Cash Dear Abby: During This Difficult Time in the Wake of Hurricane Katrina, We Are Doing Everything in Our Power to Reach Out to Those Who Have Been Affected. We Are Working With People to Make Sure Th

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 26th, 2005 | Letter 1 of 4

The best way to do this is by direct deposit into a bank or credit union account.

A simple action like signing up for direct deposit offers some much-needed peace of mind. Direct deposit is completely predictable. It gives people access to their money wherever they are, whenever they need it. It also means no lost or stolen checks because the payment goes straight into a person's account.

The U.S. Department of the Treasury and the Federal Reserve Bank, as part of our Go Direct campaign, are encouraging all people -- whether affected by the hurricane or not -- to use direct deposit. -- DICK GREGG, COMMISSIONER, FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT SERVICE, U.S. DEPARTMENT OF THE TREASURY

DEAR MR. GREGG: I'm pleased to help you spread this important and timely message. With so many people having been displaced by the recent natural disaster in the Southeast, your Go Direct program will ease considerable logistical problems in getting their money to them. This is a prudent way for all Americans to be prepared in case of a disaster.

To sign up for direct deposit, please call toll-free: (800) 333-1795 (English and Espanol). People are on the phones waiting to help you. For more information, you can also visit www.GoDirect.org.

life

Dear Abby for September 26, 2005

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 26th, 2005 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I am from the South and have lived in Colorado for five years, but I still have a deep Southern accent. My problem concerns a woman who works at our local grocery store. Every time I shop there, she responds to me by mocking my accent in a very exaggerated manner.

Last week, I asked her to please not do it anymore because it hurts my feelings. She said she does it because she thinks I talk funny and it makes her laugh. Should I just find another store? This is really bothering me. -- DAUGHTER OF THE SOUTH, AURORA, COLO.

DEAR DAUGHTER: Absolutely find another establishment in which to spend your money -- but before you do, have a little chat with the manager of the store and explain why you're taking your business elsewhere. His employee appears to have left her brains in the deep freeze, because her actions are inexcusable.

life

Dear Abby for September 26, 2005

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 26th, 2005 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: For most of this year I have been battling a drug and alcohol addiction. I am only 14, but I have managed to almost completely stop both -- but on my bad days I fall right back in.

I would have the strength to stop if it wasn't for my best friend, "Stella." Stella helped me deal with my parents' divorce and a near-suicide attempt. I got her into alcohol. I have tried to stop, but she is always dragging me back into it.

Please tell me what to do. I don't want to lose Stella as a friend, but I can't keep damaging my life. -- LOST IN CONFUSION, JACKSONVILLE, FLA.

DEAR LOST: One of the keys to staying sober is cutting your ties with people who "enable" you to fall off the wagon. Your health and sobriety depend upon your developing friendships with kids who stay clean. You and Stella may be best friends, but right now you're not good for each other.

You say Stella "saved your life." Well, you now have an opportunity to save hers. Do that by telling Stella's mother than she is abusing alcohol. Plan on the fact that your friend won't like it, but please don't chicken out. It's the most direct way to ensure that she'll get the help she needs.

life

Dear Abby for September 26, 2005

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 26th, 2005 | Letter 4 of 4

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

life

Old Wedding Tape Preserves Memories Bitter and Sweet

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 25th, 2005 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I recently learned that my parents still have a videotape of my first wedding. I was married to that louse for a miserable four months. Several years later I met and married my present husband, a sweet guy. We have been together for 10 years and have three beautiful children.

I have asked my mother to destroy the tape, but she refuses. She says she keeps it because several of the wedding guests on the tape are now deceased. I would love to see those deceased relatives again, Abby, but not that cursed wedding. And I certainly don't want my children to see it. What should I do? -- DISMAYED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR DISMAYED: Your mother's reason for keeping the tape seems logical. Stay calm, and ask her to please not share it with your children. That's a reasonable request. When the time comes that your mother joins the relatives on the tape, you can dispose of the "evidence" of your youthful mistake without causing a family feud.

life

Dear Abby for September 25, 2005

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 25th, 2005 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorcee of one year who has only recently started dating after a severely broken heart and pocketbook. I was married 19 years and had never dated anyone besides my former husband. Dating is confusing and difficult for me. It's hard to decide who to date or if it's worth it. It definitely isn't like choosing a meal from a menu -- men are tricky characters.

I have been seeing one guy steadily. I'll call him "Chad." We are intensely in love. Chad wants to devote all of his time to me. He had lots of hobbies before he met me, but he has dropped all of them. He gets jealous about any time I spend with my friends. Chad says he doesn't need friends, and implies that I shouldn't either.

My friends are dear to me, and some of them are lifelong. I don't mind spending lots of time with Chad, but I'm not going to completely neglect my friends. How can I get this point across to him, or should I move on? -- DATING DILEMMA IN ARKANSAS

DEAR DATING DILEMMA: Pushing for a quick involvement and trying to isolate the partner from his/her friends are usually a tip-off that the "pusher" is insecure. They are also warning signs of a potential abuser. If you continue to date this man, he will alienate your friends to the point that you will have nobody but him. I recommend that you move on.

life

Dear Abby for September 25, 2005

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 25th, 2005 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: Is there any rule of etiquette when it comes to approaching a stranger's baby? My friend, "Alicia," was holding our 3-month-old daughter, "Kimberly," while we were in a store. A friend of hers came over and asked to hold the baby. When Alicia said she should ask Mom, the friend said Alicia was holding the baby and took Kimberly without asking me first. This made my husband and me uncomfortable and angry. We took Kimberly from Alicia's friend and left very upset.

This is our first child, and it is our job to protect her. We feel we should be in control of who holds our baby. Your thoughts, please. -- CHRIS IN FINDLAY, OHIO

DEAR CHRIS: There is a rule of etiquette: No one should touch a baby without the mother's permission. Your reaction was a normal one. The woman who took your daughter from your friend's arms without permission had a lot of nerve.

life

Dear Abby for September 25, 2005

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 25th, 2005 | Letter 4 of 4

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

life

Restaurant Cell Phone Users Starve Table of Conversation

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 24th, 2005 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I saw something today that broke my heart. A woman who appeared to be in her late 30s was sitting in a restaurant with a woman who looked to be in her mid-70s. It may have been her mother. The entire time I was in the restaurant -- about an hour -- I saw not one sign of verbal or visual contact between them.

The reason? The younger woman was on a hands-free cell phone, talking office talk from the moment their orders were placed. The older woman sat eating her meal, clearly with little interest and no animation. When they were finished eating, the younger one paid the server, and then gestured "let's leave" by pointing toward the exit. She got up quickly, motioning for her mother to hurry.

I found the episode upsetting, and I hope she reads this: Life is so short. Take your mom to lunch whenever you can, but talk with her, laugh with her, connect with her. Show her the respect and kindness she's due. Your cell phone will be around long after your mother is gone, and there will be no memories to bring you comfort. -- ALWAYS MADE TIME FOR MOM IN BALTIMORE

DEAR ALWAYS: I wish that what you saw was an isolated incident, but it isn't. For years, I have seen what appears to be an entire generation of people behaving similarly. My husband and I were having dinner in a restaurant recently. At the next table were a young woman (late 20s, early 30s) having dinner with a gentleman who appeared to be her grandfather. During the meal, he did not utter a word. She did all the talking -- loudly -- into her cell phone, making one business call after another. As he paid the bill and they left the restaurant, the woman was still on the phone. She didn't even thank him for the dinner.

A few months before that, we were in another restaurant. A table away was a very attractive couple who were seated across from each other in romantic candlelight. They spent their entire meal deeply involved in earnest conversation on their cell phones. But not a word was said to each other.

Is this the "new" intimacy? It seems that fewer and fewer people are connecting with the people they are with. And this includes parents who are out with little children. How sad.

life

Dear Abby for September 24, 2005

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 24th, 2005 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Please settle an argument between my husband and me. We were recently vacationing at a hotel resort with our young daughters. In the pool with our children one afternoon was a father and his two young daughters, both under the age of 10. After about 30 minutes the father left the pool and went back into the hotel, leaving his daughters playing alone in the water.

I stayed in the pool with my children for another half-hour before telling them it was time to go back to our room. There was no lifeguard on duty; signs had been posted everywhere that said children under the age of 16 needed to be supervised at all times. Worried about the girls' safety, I told them they needed to get out and get an adult to watch them if they wanted to swim some more. (The alternative was going to the front desk and reporting it.)

Back in our room, my husband informed me that I was being intrusive by saying anything at all. He said that if the father thought they were safe, I shouldn't have interfered in his parenting decision. Abby, I would have felt horrible if something happened to the children. Was I being intrusive, or did I do the right thing? -- CARING MOM, GREEN BAY, WIS.

DEAR CARING MOM: Unless both of the little girls were knowledgeable enough about water safety to understand exactly what to do in case of an emergency, they should not have been left in the pool without adult supervision. You did the right thing. The father was guilty of child endangerment.

life

Dear Abby for September 24, 2005

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 24th, 2005 | Letter 3 of 3

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

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