DEAR ABBY: I saw something today that broke my heart. A woman who appeared to be in her late 30s was sitting in a restaurant with a woman who looked to be in her mid-70s. It may have been her mother. The entire time I was in the restaurant -- about an hour -- I saw not one sign of verbal or visual contact between them.

The reason? The younger woman was on a hands-free cell phone, talking office talk from the moment their orders were placed. The older woman sat eating her meal, clearly with little interest and no animation. When they were finished eating, the younger one paid the server, and then gestured "let's leave" by pointing toward the exit. She got up quickly, motioning for her mother to hurry.

I found the episode upsetting, and I hope she reads this: Life is so short. Take your mom to lunch whenever you can, but talk with her, laugh with her, connect with her. Show her the respect and kindness she's due. Your cell phone will be around long after your mother is gone, and there will be no memories to bring you comfort. -- ALWAYS MADE TIME FOR MOM IN BALTIMORE

DEAR ALWAYS: I wish that what you saw was an isolated incident, but it isn't. For years, I have seen what appears to be an entire generation of people behaving similarly. My husband and I were having dinner in a restaurant recently. At the next table were a young woman (late 20s, early 30s) having dinner with a gentleman who appeared to be her grandfather. During the meal, he did not utter a word. She did all the talking -- loudly -- into her cell phone, making one business call after another. As he paid the bill and they left the restaurant, the woman was still on the phone. She didn't even thank him for the dinner.

A few months before that, we were in another restaurant. A table away was a very attractive couple who were seated across from each other in romantic candlelight. They spent their entire meal deeply involved in earnest conversation on their cell phones. But not a word was said to each other.

Is this the "new" intimacy? It seems that fewer and fewer people are connecting with the people they are with. And this includes parents who are out with little children. How sad.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle an argument between my husband and me. We were recently vacationing at a hotel resort with our young daughters. In the pool with our children one afternoon was a father and his two young daughters, both under the age of 10. After about 30 minutes the father left the pool and went back into the hotel, leaving his daughters playing alone in the water.

I stayed in the pool with my children for another half-hour before telling them it was time to go back to our room. There was no lifeguard on duty; signs had been posted everywhere that said children under the age of 16 needed to be supervised at all times. Worried about the girls' safety, I told them they needed to get out and get an adult to watch them if they wanted to swim some more. (The alternative was going to the front desk and reporting it.)

Back in our room, my husband informed me that I was being intrusive by saying anything at all. He said that if the father thought they were safe, I shouldn't have interfered in his parenting decision. Abby, I would have felt horrible if something happened to the children. Was I being intrusive, or did I do the right thing? -- CARING MOM, GREEN BAY, WIS.

DEAR CARING MOM: Unless both of the little girls were knowledgeable enough about water safety to understand exactly what to do in case of an emergency, they should not have been left in the pool without adult supervision. You did the right thing. The father was guilty of child endangerment.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 76, my wife is 65. Our neighbor "Roy" is retired, but probably less than 60 years old. The fence between Roy's property and ours is 6 feet tall, but the wood has shrunk and there are gaps of about half an inch or more between the boards.

Abby, Roy likes to work nude in his back yard and has told my wife he does this. Otherwise, he seems like a decent fellow. He has given my wife nectarines from over the fence, which is as close as I want his naked presence to my wife. Roy insists he has the "right" to go naked in his own back yard. Unfortunately, my wife agrees, and tells me she's not looking. I have asked her not to accept any more gifts over the fence from Roy and to keep her contact with him to a minimum. Am I being foolish? How would you recommend I handle this? -- TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT IN CALIF.

DEAR TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT: With a 6-foot fence around his property, Roy is probably within his rights to garden "au naturel." One way to handle the problem would be for you to develop an interest in horticulture. Perhaps the appearance of that fence could be improved by planting bougainvillea, or poison ivy on your side of it. Or a lovely cactus garden ... the possibilities are almost endless if you put your mind to it. P.S. Just be sure to wear gloves.

DEAR ABBY: Hello! I am 11 years old. I have known my best friend, "Dawn," since preschool. She has always been one step ahead of me. If I managed to get one step ahead of her, she'd get jealous and mad.

Recently my mother got pregnant. A few days ago she heard the heartbeat. Dawn was there when Mother was telling me and my brother the good news. Dawn said, "Oh, it's not dead yet?" She thought it was a funny joke. She has been saying things like that ever since she heard about the pregnancy.

Abby, I have told her once to stop all the chaos. I'm afraid to tell her again. My parents are now telling me they no longer want me going to Dawn's house. Please help me. -- WONDERING IN DODGE CITY, KAN.

DEAR WONDERING: The person who needs help isn't you, it's Dawn, who appears to be insecure, jealous and lacking in judgment. Her remark was extremely inappropriate and not in the least bit funny. Your mother should have explained that to Dawn and also discussed it with her mother. My advice to you is to do some serious rethinking of your relationship with Dawn. Best friends support each other; they don't one-up each other or put each other down. Your parents are looking out for your best interests in wanting you to limit your time with her.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Simon," and I are being married in three months. Although my parents are paying for the wedding and reception, we would like to acknowledge his parents in the invitation. The problem is Simon's mother passed away last fall, and we're trying to find an eloquent way of including her name on the invitation. Any suggestions? -- "STUCK" IN SHREVEPORT, LA.

DEAR STUCK: The invitation could be worded this way:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smythe

Request the honor of your presence

at the marriage of their daughter

Louise "Stuck" Smythe

to

Simon Wallace Penn Jr.

the son of Simon Wallace Penn Sr.

and the late Sylvia Palmer Penn

etc.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my dad was diagnosed with a fatal degenerative disease. My parents moved down South because the warmer climate helps Dad's condition. Mom takes care of him, and every second of the day she's very stressed.

My siblings and I live in the Northeast and don't get to see them as often as we'd like.

A year before Dad got sick, my parents seemed to go through a positive mid-life crisis. They lost weight, found new friends, partied every night. They rarely saw us or talked with us because they were busy. They seemed to be enjoying the next stage of their life together. If I complained, they said they were "having a life now" because raising kids had taken all their time.

My brother recently confided to me my parents were sowing their wild oats then because Dad knew he was getting sick. He knew he was on borrowed time and he'd have to sell his business and give up driving. He told no one but Mother.

I am extremely upset with my parents. While they were going out every night, we could have shared some time with him before it was too late. Although I cry every time I see Dad, I feel I maybe don't have as much sympathy as I should. Knowing he kept a secret like that has altered our relationship. When Mom calls and complains that she has no life and has to do everything by herself, I want to say she did it to herself. My siblings and I are not selfish. We would have done everything for our father.

Please tell me if I'm being overly emotional. Didn't I have the right to know? Am I entitled to be angry, or should I let it go? -- CONFUSED DAUGHTER IN PHILLY

DEAR CONFUSED: No one -- and I mean no one -- knows how he or she will react to the kind of diagnosis your father received. He and your mother chose to cram as much "celebration" as they could into the good time he had left. I can't judge his decision, and for your own sake, neither should you.

Yes, it might have been better had you been told. But you would have naturally become upset, and your Dad wanted gaiety and no reminders of what was coming. That was his choice, and he shouldn't be punished for it.

Consider this: The "good time" is the time your father has left. Please don't waste another second of it dwelling on something that can't be changed.

DEAR ABBY: I'm not sure how to handle this. My across-the-street neighbor, "Joe," watches adult-rated movies at least twice a week. He turns the volume up so loud I can hear the moans and suggestive dialogue well into the wee hours of the morning. (Last night it went on until about 2:30 a.m.) The family who lives next door to Joe has two daughters, 12 and 14 years old. I'm not sure if they can hear those movies as I do, but our houses are all on very small lots. It's disturbing to think that they do.

The last thing I want to do is knock on Joe's door mid-movie, but this is getting ridiculous. I'm not sure what the other neighbors think -- it's too embarrassing to mention. Please tell me what to do. -- EMBARRASSED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Write your neighbor a polite letter: "Perhaps you are not aware that the sound of your late-night entertainment travels across the street. Because minor children live so close by, won't you please close your windows and/or turn the volume down? Thank you, Your neighbor."

If that doesn't do the trick, notify the police and let them handle the matter, because your neighbor is "disturbing the peace" -- yours.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)