DEAR ABBY: I am 76, my wife is 65. Our neighbor "Roy" is retired, but probably less than 60 years old. The fence between Roy's property and ours is 6 feet tall, but the wood has shrunk and there are gaps of about half an inch or more between the boards.

Abby, Roy likes to work nude in his back yard and has told my wife he does this. Otherwise, he seems like a decent fellow. He has given my wife nectarines from over the fence, which is as close as I want his naked presence to my wife. Roy insists he has the "right" to go naked in his own back yard. Unfortunately, my wife agrees, and tells me she's not looking. I have asked her not to accept any more gifts over the fence from Roy and to keep her contact with him to a minimum. Am I being foolish? How would you recommend I handle this? -- TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT IN CALIF.

DEAR TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT: With a 6-foot fence around his property, Roy is probably within his rights to garden "au naturel." One way to handle the problem would be for you to develop an interest in horticulture. Perhaps the appearance of that fence could be improved by planting bougainvillea, or poison ivy on your side of it. Or a lovely cactus garden ... the possibilities are almost endless if you put your mind to it. P.S. Just be sure to wear gloves.

DEAR ABBY: Hello! I am 11 years old. I have known my best friend, "Dawn," since preschool. She has always been one step ahead of me. If I managed to get one step ahead of her, she'd get jealous and mad.

Recently my mother got pregnant. A few days ago she heard the heartbeat. Dawn was there when Mother was telling me and my brother the good news. Dawn said, "Oh, it's not dead yet?" She thought it was a funny joke. She has been saying things like that ever since she heard about the pregnancy.

Abby, I have told her once to stop all the chaos. I'm afraid to tell her again. My parents are now telling me they no longer want me going to Dawn's house. Please help me. -- WONDERING IN DODGE CITY, KAN.

DEAR WONDERING: The person who needs help isn't you, it's Dawn, who appears to be insecure, jealous and lacking in judgment. Her remark was extremely inappropriate and not in the least bit funny. Your mother should have explained that to Dawn and also discussed it with her mother. My advice to you is to do some serious rethinking of your relationship with Dawn. Best friends support each other; they don't one-up each other or put each other down. Your parents are looking out for your best interests in wanting you to limit your time with her.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Simon," and I are being married in three months. Although my parents are paying for the wedding and reception, we would like to acknowledge his parents in the invitation. The problem is Simon's mother passed away last fall, and we're trying to find an eloquent way of including her name on the invitation. Any suggestions? -- "STUCK" IN SHREVEPORT, LA.

DEAR STUCK: The invitation could be worded this way:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smythe

Request the honor of your presence

at the marriage of their daughter

Louise "Stuck" Smythe

to

Simon Wallace Penn Jr.

the son of Simon Wallace Penn Sr.

and the late Sylvia Palmer Penn

etc.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my dad was diagnosed with a fatal degenerative disease. My parents moved down South because the warmer climate helps Dad's condition. Mom takes care of him, and every second of the day she's very stressed.

My siblings and I live in the Northeast and don't get to see them as often as we'd like.

A year before Dad got sick, my parents seemed to go through a positive mid-life crisis. They lost weight, found new friends, partied every night. They rarely saw us or talked with us because they were busy. They seemed to be enjoying the next stage of their life together. If I complained, they said they were "having a life now" because raising kids had taken all their time.

My brother recently confided to me my parents were sowing their wild oats then because Dad knew he was getting sick. He knew he was on borrowed time and he'd have to sell his business and give up driving. He told no one but Mother.

I am extremely upset with my parents. While they were going out every night, we could have shared some time with him before it was too late. Although I cry every time I see Dad, I feel I maybe don't have as much sympathy as I should. Knowing he kept a secret like that has altered our relationship. When Mom calls and complains that she has no life and has to do everything by herself, I want to say she did it to herself. My siblings and I are not selfish. We would have done everything for our father.

Please tell me if I'm being overly emotional. Didn't I have the right to know? Am I entitled to be angry, or should I let it go? -- CONFUSED DAUGHTER IN PHILLY

DEAR CONFUSED: No one -- and I mean no one -- knows how he or she will react to the kind of diagnosis your father received. He and your mother chose to cram as much "celebration" as they could into the good time he had left. I can't judge his decision, and for your own sake, neither should you.

Yes, it might have been better had you been told. But you would have naturally become upset, and your Dad wanted gaiety and no reminders of what was coming. That was his choice, and he shouldn't be punished for it.

Consider this: The "good time" is the time your father has left. Please don't waste another second of it dwelling on something that can't be changed.

DEAR ABBY: I'm not sure how to handle this. My across-the-street neighbor, "Joe," watches adult-rated movies at least twice a week. He turns the volume up so loud I can hear the moans and suggestive dialogue well into the wee hours of the morning. (Last night it went on until about 2:30 a.m.) The family who lives next door to Joe has two daughters, 12 and 14 years old. I'm not sure if they can hear those movies as I do, but our houses are all on very small lots. It's disturbing to think that they do.

The last thing I want to do is knock on Joe's door mid-movie, but this is getting ridiculous. I'm not sure what the other neighbors think -- it's too embarrassing to mention. Please tell me what to do. -- EMBARRASSED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Write your neighbor a polite letter: "Perhaps you are not aware that the sound of your late-night entertainment travels across the street. Because minor children live so close by, won't you please close your windows and/or turn the volume down? Thank you, Your neighbor."

If that doesn't do the trick, notify the police and let them handle the matter, because your neighbor is "disturbing the peace" -- yours.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am married, have a daughter I love and a fulfilling job as a teacher. But when it comes to socializing at parties and small gatherings, I have a problem. My husband loves to socialize, which is good because his job is in sales. I'm the opposite. I have a hard time making small talk and become very uncomfortable in social situations. I guess you could call me an introvert. I sense that people pick up on my discomfort, which makes them uncomfortable, too. Sometimes I simply have nothing at all to say to these people.

Abby, I'm tired of feeling like an odd duck at these kinds of events. I know I owe it to my husband to be supportive when he has to entertain. A while back, you offered a booklet I think might help me, but for the life of me, I can't find that column. How can I get the booklet? Life is too short to be anti-social and insecure. Sign me ... WILTING IN THE SPOTLIGHT IN NEW YORK

DEAR WILTING: Almost everyone suffers from insecurity in social situations at some point or another. People aren't born with social skills; they have to be developed. There are techniques that can be helpful -- and I do, indeed, have a booklet that may help you. Other readers have told me that, by following the suggestions, they have become more comfortable in social situations.

To order "How to Be Popular -- You're Never Too Young or Too Old," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I live upstairs in a fourplex. My across-the-hall neighbor is a pleasant single woman who loves animals. She has two cats and two ferrets. The problem, to put it bluntly, is they stink. I don't think she keeps up with their hygiene needs.

The stench drifts from inside her unit into our common hallway, and too often, into my apartment -- even with the door closed. I roll up a large towel and place it at the bottom of my front door to help with the smell while I'm home. But when I leave in the mornings to go to work, obviously I can't do that. When I return home at night, the smell has crept under my door. It's very embarrassing when I have guests. I'm forever burning incense, but it doesn't help. It only makes the air thicker, especially in the hall, which has no air conditioning.

I have tolerated this for a couple of years and I don't know if I should speak with her or the landlord. How can I broach the subject and still keep harmony between us? I don't want to have to move. I was here first. Please help me. I can't live like this anymore. -- HOLDING MY BREATH IN GEORGIA

DEAR HOLDING YOUR BREATH: You should have spoken to your neighbor when the problem first started, but it's still not too late. She may not be aware of the odor because she is used to it. Explain that her animals -- or their litter box -- need to be kept cleaner because the odor is drifting into the common areas and into your apartment.

If she does not do something about it immediately, for heaven's sake tell your landlord. There may be a limit on how many animals, and what kind, a renter can have in a unit. And if that doesn't do the trick, contact the health department. If you are describing the situation accurately, the health of all three of her neighbors could be affected by the filth.