DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my dad was diagnosed with a fatal degenerative disease. My parents moved down South because the warmer climate helps Dad's condition. Mom takes care of him, and every second of the day she's very stressed.

My siblings and I live in the Northeast and don't get to see them as often as we'd like.

A year before Dad got sick, my parents seemed to go through a positive mid-life crisis. They lost weight, found new friends, partied every night. They rarely saw us or talked with us because they were busy. They seemed to be enjoying the next stage of their life together. If I complained, they said they were "having a life now" because raising kids had taken all their time.

My brother recently confided to me my parents were sowing their wild oats then because Dad knew he was getting sick. He knew he was on borrowed time and he'd have to sell his business and give up driving. He told no one but Mother.

I am extremely upset with my parents. While they were going out every night, we could have shared some time with him before it was too late. Although I cry every time I see Dad, I feel I maybe don't have as much sympathy as I should. Knowing he kept a secret like that has altered our relationship. When Mom calls and complains that she has no life and has to do everything by herself, I want to say she did it to herself. My siblings and I are not selfish. We would have done everything for our father.

Please tell me if I'm being overly emotional. Didn't I have the right to know? Am I entitled to be angry, or should I let it go? -- CONFUSED DAUGHTER IN PHILLY

DEAR CONFUSED: No one -- and I mean no one -- knows how he or she will react to the kind of diagnosis your father received. He and your mother chose to cram as much "celebration" as they could into the good time he had left. I can't judge his decision, and for your own sake, neither should you.

Yes, it might have been better had you been told. But you would have naturally become upset, and your Dad wanted gaiety and no reminders of what was coming. That was his choice, and he shouldn't be punished for it.

Consider this: The "good time" is the time your father has left. Please don't waste another second of it dwelling on something that can't be changed.

DEAR ABBY: I'm not sure how to handle this. My across-the-street neighbor, "Joe," watches adult-rated movies at least twice a week. He turns the volume up so loud I can hear the moans and suggestive dialogue well into the wee hours of the morning. (Last night it went on until about 2:30 a.m.) The family who lives next door to Joe has two daughters, 12 and 14 years old. I'm not sure if they can hear those movies as I do, but our houses are all on very small lots. It's disturbing to think that they do.

The last thing I want to do is knock on Joe's door mid-movie, but this is getting ridiculous. I'm not sure what the other neighbors think -- it's too embarrassing to mention. Please tell me what to do. -- EMBARRASSED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Write your neighbor a polite letter: "Perhaps you are not aware that the sound of your late-night entertainment travels across the street. Because minor children live so close by, won't you please close your windows and/or turn the volume down? Thank you, Your neighbor."

If that doesn't do the trick, notify the police and let them handle the matter, because your neighbor is "disturbing the peace" -- yours.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am married, have a daughter I love and a fulfilling job as a teacher. But when it comes to socializing at parties and small gatherings, I have a problem. My husband loves to socialize, which is good because his job is in sales. I'm the opposite. I have a hard time making small talk and become very uncomfortable in social situations. I guess you could call me an introvert. I sense that people pick up on my discomfort, which makes them uncomfortable, too. Sometimes I simply have nothing at all to say to these people.

Abby, I'm tired of feeling like an odd duck at these kinds of events. I know I owe it to my husband to be supportive when he has to entertain. A while back, you offered a booklet I think might help me, but for the life of me, I can't find that column. How can I get the booklet? Life is too short to be anti-social and insecure. Sign me ... WILTING IN THE SPOTLIGHT IN NEW YORK

DEAR WILTING: Almost everyone suffers from insecurity in social situations at some point or another. People aren't born with social skills; they have to be developed. There are techniques that can be helpful -- and I do, indeed, have a booklet that may help you. Other readers have told me that, by following the suggestions, they have become more comfortable in social situations.

To order "How to Be Popular -- You're Never Too Young or Too Old," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I live upstairs in a fourplex. My across-the-hall neighbor is a pleasant single woman who loves animals. She has two cats and two ferrets. The problem, to put it bluntly, is they stink. I don't think she keeps up with their hygiene needs.

The stench drifts from inside her unit into our common hallway, and too often, into my apartment -- even with the door closed. I roll up a large towel and place it at the bottom of my front door to help with the smell while I'm home. But when I leave in the mornings to go to work, obviously I can't do that. When I return home at night, the smell has crept under my door. It's very embarrassing when I have guests. I'm forever burning incense, but it doesn't help. It only makes the air thicker, especially in the hall, which has no air conditioning.

I have tolerated this for a couple of years and I don't know if I should speak with her or the landlord. How can I broach the subject and still keep harmony between us? I don't want to have to move. I was here first. Please help me. I can't live like this anymore. -- HOLDING MY BREATH IN GEORGIA

DEAR HOLDING YOUR BREATH: You should have spoken to your neighbor when the problem first started, but it's still not too late. She may not be aware of the odor because she is used to it. Explain that her animals -- or their litter box -- need to be kept cleaner because the odor is drifting into the common areas and into your apartment.

If she does not do something about it immediately, for heaven's sake tell your landlord. There may be a limit on how many animals, and what kind, a renter can have in a unit. And if that doesn't do the trick, contact the health department. If you are describing the situation accurately, the health of all three of her neighbors could be affected by the filth.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent letter, the writer complained that she was embarrassed because her 50-something mother looked like a "motorcycle mama."

I'm in my late 50s. My husband is in his mid-40s. For the first time in our hardworking lives we're enjoying ourselves going places! I wear my leathers wherever we go (Harley Davidson, of course!) for protection. Also, for my birthday this year I got a tattoo on my back. My kids (late 20s and 30s) say it's cool. They say if we're happy, they're happy.

I would like to tell "Embarrassed" that she and her siblings should be thankful they have parents, and that they are healthy, happy and enjoying themselves. That's what counts. -- ANOTHER MOTORCYCLE MAMA, COALINGA, CALIF.

DEAR MOTORCYCLE MAMA: I pointed that out in my answer. I also advised the "children" to address their concerns with their mother.

I find the differing philosophies between generations to be fascinating. A conservative generation gave birth to the flower children of the '60s -- which in turn has given birth to another conservative generation. However, most of the readers who commented on that letter agree with you. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Embarrassed" said that Harley Davidson shirts are designed for girls in their 20s, not women in their 50s. Well, I say, why should girls in their 20s have all the fun? -- CAROL IN TWIN FALLS, IDAHO

DEAR ABBY: Who among us hasn't heard the expression, "Don't judge a book by its cover"? It doesn't matter what her mother wears as long as it's legal.

When people reach 45-50, they start seeing classmates, friends, cousins, people their own age in the obituaries. And it makes them stop and remember just how short life can be. Who wants to live their whole life a certain way because "what would the neighbors think?"

There's a poem I once read about an old lady who dresses in a purple coat. It goes on and on about the "outrageous" things that she's going to do. The gist of the poem is that now she's old, she can get away with doing the things she really wanted to do her whole life because people will just think she's "a crazy old lady."

Please tell that daughter to stop being so concerned. Her mother is having the time of her life, and more power to her. -- PAULA IN DALTON, MASS.

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to ask that daughter and her siblings a question: Did THEY ever show up at a family function with a new hair color, new piercing, clothes too big or too small, a shocking boyfriend or girlfriend, or new opinion they knew would stir things up?

To the embarrassed children I say, "Take the advice your parents got when you acted out: 'It's a stage. They'll outgrow it.'" Your parents' antics are paybacks, dude! -- NO MOTORCYCLE YET IN ST. PAUL

DEAR ABBY: I am also a biker mom whose children are grown. While I do not buy the HD brand, I, too, dress differently than when my kids were small. What makes them think her attire is inappropriate? Jesus had long hair and wore a dress. Was that wrong? -- 45 AND GETTING YOUNGER IN WASHINGTON

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)