DEAR ABBY: I am married, have a daughter I love and a fulfilling job as a teacher. But when it comes to socializing at parties and small gatherings, I have a problem. My husband loves to socialize, which is good because his job is in sales. I'm the opposite. I have a hard time making small talk and become very uncomfortable in social situations. I guess you could call me an introvert. I sense that people pick up on my discomfort, which makes them uncomfortable, too. Sometimes I simply have nothing at all to say to these people.

Abby, I'm tired of feeling like an odd duck at these kinds of events. I know I owe it to my husband to be supportive when he has to entertain. A while back, you offered a booklet I think might help me, but for the life of me, I can't find that column. How can I get the booklet? Life is too short to be anti-social and insecure. Sign me ... WILTING IN THE SPOTLIGHT IN NEW YORK

DEAR WILTING: Almost everyone suffers from insecurity in social situations at some point or another. People aren't born with social skills; they have to be developed. There are techniques that can be helpful -- and I do, indeed, have a booklet that may help you. Other readers have told me that, by following the suggestions, they have become more comfortable in social situations.

To order "How to Be Popular -- You're Never Too Young or Too Old," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I live upstairs in a fourplex. My across-the-hall neighbor is a pleasant single woman who loves animals. She has two cats and two ferrets. The problem, to put it bluntly, is they stink. I don't think she keeps up with their hygiene needs.

The stench drifts from inside her unit into our common hallway, and too often, into my apartment -- even with the door closed. I roll up a large towel and place it at the bottom of my front door to help with the smell while I'm home. But when I leave in the mornings to go to work, obviously I can't do that. When I return home at night, the smell has crept under my door. It's very embarrassing when I have guests. I'm forever burning incense, but it doesn't help. It only makes the air thicker, especially in the hall, which has no air conditioning.

I have tolerated this for a couple of years and I don't know if I should speak with her or the landlord. How can I broach the subject and still keep harmony between us? I don't want to have to move. I was here first. Please help me. I can't live like this anymore. -- HOLDING MY BREATH IN GEORGIA

DEAR HOLDING YOUR BREATH: You should have spoken to your neighbor when the problem first started, but it's still not too late. She may not be aware of the odor because she is used to it. Explain that her animals -- or their litter box -- need to be kept cleaner because the odor is drifting into the common areas and into your apartment.

If she does not do something about it immediately, for heaven's sake tell your landlord. There may be a limit on how many animals, and what kind, a renter can have in a unit. And if that doesn't do the trick, contact the health department. If you are describing the situation accurately, the health of all three of her neighbors could be affected by the filth.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent letter, the writer complained that she was embarrassed because her 50-something mother looked like a "motorcycle mama."

I'm in my late 50s. My husband is in his mid-40s. For the first time in our hardworking lives we're enjoying ourselves going places! I wear my leathers wherever we go (Harley Davidson, of course!) for protection. Also, for my birthday this year I got a tattoo on my back. My kids (late 20s and 30s) say it's cool. They say if we're happy, they're happy.

I would like to tell "Embarrassed" that she and her siblings should be thankful they have parents, and that they are healthy, happy and enjoying themselves. That's what counts. -- ANOTHER MOTORCYCLE MAMA, COALINGA, CALIF.

DEAR MOTORCYCLE MAMA: I pointed that out in my answer. I also advised the "children" to address their concerns with their mother.

I find the differing philosophies between generations to be fascinating. A conservative generation gave birth to the flower children of the '60s -- which in turn has given birth to another conservative generation. However, most of the readers who commented on that letter agree with you. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Embarrassed" said that Harley Davidson shirts are designed for girls in their 20s, not women in their 50s. Well, I say, why should girls in their 20s have all the fun? -- CAROL IN TWIN FALLS, IDAHO

DEAR ABBY: Who among us hasn't heard the expression, "Don't judge a book by its cover"? It doesn't matter what her mother wears as long as it's legal.

When people reach 45-50, they start seeing classmates, friends, cousins, people their own age in the obituaries. And it makes them stop and remember just how short life can be. Who wants to live their whole life a certain way because "what would the neighbors think?"

There's a poem I once read about an old lady who dresses in a purple coat. It goes on and on about the "outrageous" things that she's going to do. The gist of the poem is that now she's old, she can get away with doing the things she really wanted to do her whole life because people will just think she's "a crazy old lady."

Please tell that daughter to stop being so concerned. Her mother is having the time of her life, and more power to her. -- PAULA IN DALTON, MASS.

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to ask that daughter and her siblings a question: Did THEY ever show up at a family function with a new hair color, new piercing, clothes too big or too small, a shocking boyfriend or girlfriend, or new opinion they knew would stir things up?

To the embarrassed children I say, "Take the advice your parents got when you acted out: 'It's a stage. They'll outgrow it.'" Your parents' antics are paybacks, dude! -- NO MOTORCYCLE YET IN ST. PAUL

DEAR ABBY: I am also a biker mom whose children are grown. While I do not buy the HD brand, I, too, dress differently than when my kids were small. What makes them think her attire is inappropriate? Jesus had long hair and wore a dress. Was that wrong? -- 45 AND GETTING YOUNGER IN WASHINGTON

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My brother, "Dick," was a sheriff's deputy for five years. He was arrested recently on felony theft charges, stemming from burglaries committed in the rural area he was assigned to protect.

I gave up on Dick years ago. He has almost destroyed the family farm by not showing up for meetings and spending money that wasn't his. He also stole items from the farm, as well as a substantial amount of cash from our mother.

I am worried about Mother. She knows Dick is guilty, but makes up every excuse under the sun for him. He takes anti-depressants -- she blames them. She blames his soon-to-be ex-wife. She blames his girlfriend who "put him up to the crimes and then turned him in." She bails him out and lets him stay with her if he wants.

Anything negative my siblings say about him, she takes as a direct insult. Dick broke Mom's heart years ago, and my siblings and I were left to pick up the pieces. Now she's allowing him to do it all over again. He's tearing our family apart. How can we convince her it's time for tough love? -- TRYING TO HELP MOM IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR TRYING: It might be better for your brother if you could, but you can't. Your mother is so fully invested emotionally in your brother that she can no longer differentiate between him and herself. That is why, when you criticize him, she takes it as a personal insult. That is also why she is so determined to "protect" him from the consequences of his actions. What's sad is, she is not helping your brother. She's only allowing him to continue his anti-social behavior.

Let's hope the state steps in and prevents your brother from continuing his criminal activities -- for a while. However, even then, don't expect him to change until the consequences of his actions become so severe that he feels he must. Why should he? Until now, his mother has tossed him a featherbed every time he should have landed on his fanny. It's called ENABLING.

DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago, I e-mailed a message to an old friend. I received a reply from his son, who was handling his father's affairs after his death a few days earlier. He had no idea who I was.

If he had looked at his father's mailing list, he would have seen a list of people who would have been interested in his father's demise.

I'm going to code our list now, to indicate who should be contacted in case of death or serious illness. -- GRIEVING IN MISSOURI

DEAR GRIEVING: Over the years I have received literally hundreds of letters like yours from people who have lost old friends. These are people who would have liked to have sent condolences, made donations to charity, said a final goodbye at the funeral, or shared a happy experience at a memorial for the friend they lost.

Readers, although none of us likes to dwell on our own mortality, I don't know of anyone who has managed to last forever. So consider for a moment the people who care about you. Go through your address book and note the individuals you think would like to be notified if you are unable to do it yourself. The task will take only a few minutes. And leave a note indicating where to find the information with your important papers.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)