DEAR ABBY: I am a 26-year-old woman, married just over 19 months. My husband, "Troy," is caring and supportive -- but he's prejudiced against people who are overweight. He makes obscene jokes when he sees large people in public and generally has a bad attitude about people with weight issues.
We have recently discussed starting a family. Frankly, I'm scared to death of becoming pregnant because of Troy's feelings about weight. I admit to being vain -- I'm 5-foot-10, a size 6, and I work hard to stay that way. Troy loves the fact that I'm built this way, and he never fails to compliment me or make me feel sexy.
I am terrified about how he will react to me during and after the pregnancy. Troy says he'll love me just the way I am, no matter what that is, but 10 minutes later he'll make a comment about how glad he is he didn't marry a fat woman. I have tried talking to him about weight gain during pregnancy. He says pregnancy is "different," and I'll lose all the weight after the baby is born.
We both want children and can support a child financially, but I'm very concerned about what the pregnancy could do to our marriage. Have you any advice? -- BABY BLUES IN CHARLESTON, S.C.
DEAR BABY BLUES: Your concern is justified. Your husband's bias against large people has you between a rock and a hard place. How nice to hear that he will love you "just the way you are, no matter what that is" -- but what if you aren't able to "lose all the weight" after the baby is born?
You and your husband should schedule an appointment with your ob/gyn to discuss pregnancy and all of its ramifications, with an emphasis on the changes it brings about during and after gestation. It takes a man to be a husband and father -- and frankly, it appears your mate has some growing up to do before he becomes a father.