DEAR ABBY: I was in a car accident two months ago. My best friend, "Heather," was driving. We grew up together and refer to each other as sisters. We were both under the influence, and I was so intoxicated I didn't realize how smashed Heather was. Anyway, I was really banged up in the accident. She got away without a scratch.

For an entire week after the accident, Heather never once came to see how I was doing. It wasn't until after I was practically healed that she stopped by my house. Sometimes when I see her, I still feel angry at her -- or some emotion I can't put my finger on. I don't know if I still blame her or what. But now that I have healed, she doesn't want to talk about the incident, and I can't say anything because it makes her uncomfortable. But don't you think I am the victim here?

It is almost to the point where I don't want to be around her. After 20 years of having Heather in my life, I think I can survive without ever speaking to her again. What should I do? -- LOST IN SAN MATEO, CALIF.

DEAR LOST: For the sake of your 20-year friendship, clear the air and say what's on your mind -- including the fact that you felt betrayed when Heather failed to see you after the accident. She may have felt too guilty to face you.

There are times when saying "I'm sorry" and "I'll never drink and drive again" may seem inadequate. And yet, those things are exactly what need to be said -- and you need to hear them -- regardless of whether or not the subject makes Heather uncomfortable. For your own peace of mind, please do it soon. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of four children (ages 6, 4, 3 and 2 months). About a year ago, I gave my dad and stepmom temporary custody of my older kids so I could get my life together. During that time, I have gotten a job and found a great man. The fourth baby was not planned.

I plan on moving to a larger place in February when my lease is up, and then getting my older three kids back. My question is: My stepmom says that my other children won't understand about the new baby and the fact that he can live with Mommy and they can't. So they have not seen him or Mommy since he was born. I'm not sure it is right to keep him from them. Who is right? -- CONCERNED MOM IN MISSOURI

DEAR CONCERNED: You are. Your children are old enough to understand that they are living with your father because you had problems and couldn't afford for them to stay with you for a while. If they want to know why the baby can live with you and they can't, tell them that it's because the baby is tiny and needs to stay with you -- just as they did when they were babies. Assure them that in just a few months you will all be together again. THAT'S what they need to know. Distancing yourself from your children and hiding their sibling is not healthy for them -- or for you.

DEAR ABBY: I have often heard the saying, "That would be like opening Pandora's box." Where did that phrase originate? -- YVONNE IN NORLINA, N.C.

DEAR YVONNE: It refers to a story from Greek mythology. The box was a gift to Pandora from the gods, but was given with the warning that she should never open it. When curiosity got the better of Pandora and she opened it anyway, a swarm of evils was loosed upon mankind.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I would appreciate your help with the following question: I am driving on the interstate; my wife is sitting next to me in the front passenger seat with her seatbelt on. We are doing 70 miles per hour and there is some traffic around us. Suddenly I collapse over the steering wheel. What should my wife do, and in the proper order? -- EDGAR IN SPRINGFIELD, MO.

DEAR EDGAR: What a great question. I checked with the California Highway Patrol, and here's your answer:

1. Lean the driver back.

2. Take control of the steering wheel.

3. Hit the turn signal.

4. Passenger should keep her seatbelt fastened so that she is secure in the vehicle and begin merging to the right, making sure the driver's foot is off the accelerator.

5. Bring the vehicle to a stop on the shoulder.

6. Use a cell phone to call 911 and seek help for the driver.

I would like to add that while doing all of the above, it couldn't hurt to start praying.

DEAR ABBY: My wife insists on baking chocolate chip cookies as a "thank you" for an older couple next door who have been very nice to us -– giving gifts to our 2-year-old daughter and generally being great neighbors. The husband is overweight and diabetic.

I say it's insensitive -– even cruel -– to give food like that to someone we assume is trying –- or should be trying –- to stay away from it. I say we should just send a thank-you note instead. My wife insists it's the "thought" that counts, and that they sometimes entertain grandkids who can eat them, or they can give the cookies away if they don't want them. This question has come up before with other overweight people to whom we've owed a thank-you. So who's right? -- QUESTIONING THE GESTURE

DEAR QUESTIONING: You are. While I agree with your wife that it's the thought that counts, the gift she's giving reflects no thought at all. In fact, it could be considered diet sabotage.

A more suitable gift might be a book, CD or a lovely plant. But if she's determined that it be something from her kitchen, she should pick up one of the American Diabetes Association cookbooks and use it to prepare something that her neighbors can both enjoy. (And because diabetes can run in families, that would include the grandkids, too.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old girl. I frequently ride my bike for long distances, sometimes alone and often out on country roads. I know it's dangerous for anyone -– especially a teenage girl -– to be alone, particularly out in the country where no one could see me if I was in trouble. Do you have any safety tips for me? -- CURIOUS IN KENDALLVILLE, IND.

DEAR CURIOUS: I can offer several. First, be sure to tell your parents you are leaving for a ride, where you plan to go, and what time you plan to be back. Always carry a cell phone if they work in your area. And, whenever possible, ride with a bike buddy. There is safety in numbers.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old single mother of three. After several bad relationships, I decided that one day the right guy would come along and I would just "know," and until then, I'd focus on making my children as happy as I could by myself.

A few months ago, I met "Mr. Right." The feeling I have for him is one that I haven't felt before, and he feels the same way about me.

The problem: Mr. Right is my baby sitter "April's" boyfriend. They have been together on and off about a year. April is very controlling. She starts arguments with him and then doesn't come around for a while. Mr. Right is tired of it. It happened again last night, and he told her to just stay home. He wants some stability in his life and someone to love and grow old with. So do I.

The hard part of this is I really like my baby sitter. Many people don't, but April has never done anything to hurt me. I know the right thing to do would be to tell her how I feel, but people tell me April holds grudges, and I'm afraid she'll hate me. If I must choose between April and Mr. Right, I want to choose Mr. Right. If you have any suggestions that will make this easier, I'm all ears. -- TORN IN ILLINOIS

DEAR TORN: I sure do. The first is, SLOW DOWN. If you want stability in your life and someone to love and grow old with, recognize that getting to know someone takes time.

Mr. Right appears to have quite a bit of unfinished business before he will be free to start a relationship with you. First on his list –- not yours –- should be to officially end his romance with your baby sitter. That way, if there are any hard feelings, they will be directed at him, not you. And unless he's mature enough, and sure enough about his feelings for you to do it, then I have some sad news for you. He's not "Mr. Right"; he's "Mr. Wrong" again.

DEAR ABBY: We moved into a very quiet neighborhood a year ago. Then our neighbor, a divorced father of a 3-year-old boy, reconciled with his wife and they moved back in.

When the father had visitation we allowed our son to go over there once while my husband and I got some chores done. Nothing bad happened. However, now that the boy -– who is the same age as our son -– is a full-time resident, we have become aware of some not-nice behavior on his part. He has tried to get our son to eat dog doo-doo, and has told our boy to be mean to our dogs, which of course, our son would never do.

He is always looking through our chain link fence and teasing our son. I get a bad vibe from him.

We are people who don't like conflict. Is there anything you can suggest so that we can go out into our back yard and again enjoy the peace and quiet we once did before the boy was a full-time fixture? We love our house, but we will move if we must. -- DISGUSTED IN DES MOINES

DEAR DISGUSTED: It would not be creating conflict to pay a call on the mother of that child and ask if she's aware of the way her son is acting with your boy, and give her chapter and verse. If she doesn't talk to the child and discourage his behavior, consider landscaping your property to guarantee some privacy. Only as a last resort should you move.

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