DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old single mother of three. After several bad relationships, I decided that one day the right guy would come along and I would just "know," and until then, I'd focus on making my children as happy as I could by myself.

A few months ago, I met "Mr. Right." The feeling I have for him is one that I haven't felt before, and he feels the same way about me.

The problem: Mr. Right is my baby sitter "April's" boyfriend. They have been together on and off about a year. April is very controlling. She starts arguments with him and then doesn't come around for a while. Mr. Right is tired of it. It happened again last night, and he told her to just stay home. He wants some stability in his life and someone to love and grow old with. So do I.

The hard part of this is I really like my baby sitter. Many people don't, but April has never done anything to hurt me. I know the right thing to do would be to tell her how I feel, but people tell me April holds grudges, and I'm afraid she'll hate me. If I must choose between April and Mr. Right, I want to choose Mr. Right. If you have any suggestions that will make this easier, I'm all ears. -- TORN IN ILLINOIS

DEAR TORN: I sure do. The first is, SLOW DOWN. If you want stability in your life and someone to love and grow old with, recognize that getting to know someone takes time.

Mr. Right appears to have quite a bit of unfinished business before he will be free to start a relationship with you. First on his list –- not yours –- should be to officially end his romance with your baby sitter. That way, if there are any hard feelings, they will be directed at him, not you. And unless he's mature enough, and sure enough about his feelings for you to do it, then I have some sad news for you. He's not "Mr. Right"; he's "Mr. Wrong" again.

DEAR ABBY: We moved into a very quiet neighborhood a year ago. Then our neighbor, a divorced father of a 3-year-old boy, reconciled with his wife and they moved back in.

When the father had visitation we allowed our son to go over there once while my husband and I got some chores done. Nothing bad happened. However, now that the boy -– who is the same age as our son -– is a full-time resident, we have become aware of some not-nice behavior on his part. He has tried to get our son to eat dog doo-doo, and has told our boy to be mean to our dogs, which of course, our son would never do.

He is always looking through our chain link fence and teasing our son. I get a bad vibe from him.

We are people who don't like conflict. Is there anything you can suggest so that we can go out into our back yard and again enjoy the peace and quiet we once did before the boy was a full-time fixture? We love our house, but we will move if we must. -- DISGUSTED IN DES MOINES

DEAR DISGUSTED: It would not be creating conflict to pay a call on the mother of that child and ask if she's aware of the way her son is acting with your boy, and give her chapter and verse. If she doesn't talk to the child and discourage his behavior, consider landscaping your property to guarantee some privacy. Only as a last resort should you move.

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DEAR ABBY: Please tell me how to respond to people who sit at a table with me (in my home, theirs or out) and make comments about being full, eating just "because it's there," or "for the flavor" -- and continue to eat? All of my family members are overweight. I am the smallest by far at a size 8. They engage in this often, and it distresses me.

I don't want to jump up from the table, clear away the dishes and tell them to stop eating, but I also don't enjoy hearing them talk about how much they shouldn't be eating while they continue to do so.

Most of them have been advised more than once by physicians to lose weight for the sake of their health. Other than bringing food to share that's low in sugar and fat, is there a way to politely deal with this bizarre behavior? -- FED UP IN HOUSTON

DEAR FED UP: No, there isn't. But you can save your sanity by recognizing idle chatter for what it is and tuning it out. In your own home, you can simply serve less food -- or clear away the tempting leftovers and relocate your guests away from the table. However, in a restaurant or in their homes that wouldn't work. So accept that your relatives won't address their weight problems until they are ready to do so, and try to be less judgmental.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Zack" for a year and a half. We had discussed taking a trip to visit his friends in a couple of months. I'm a very independent person, but recently have had some financial difficulties that I anticipate will be temporary. I explained to Zack that I wouldn't be able to afford the trip. It would have meant paying for my plane ticket, half the cost of the car we'd have to rent and half the hotel bill.

Zack has a steady job that pays very well. I thought he would speak up and offer to pay for at least some part of my expense for the trip, but he didn't. Was I expecting too much, or is he just plain cheap? -- DISAPPOINTED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: It would have been a generous offer, but it appears your boyfriend isn't the generous type. In a sense, however, he may have given you a priceless gift: a glimpse of what life would be like with him in the future if the chips were down. Please act accordingly.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old girl. I love my mom, but she doesn't trust me. Sometimes I would like to talk to her but she never listens. It's like she wants me to mess up so she can punish me.

I once tried to talk to her about sex. She thought I was pregnant! Am I wrong for just wanting to know? Sometimes I don't do anything wrong and I still get in trouble.

I have thought about running away, but this is where my heart is. Is it me? Why won't she trust me? I make good grades. -- BAFFLED IN BIRMINGHAM

DEAR BAFFLED: Your letter made me sad. By now, your mother should have made it clear that you could bring any question to her and she would answer it -- or help you find the answer you need.

Your mother may be uncomfortable talking about sex, or she could be under stress about something else in her life. Please ask an adult friend or close relative to speak to her on your behalf. Your mother may be hard on you because she doesn't want you to mess up. Children don't come with a list of instructions, and she may be going overboard trying to protect you.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I was glad to see your reply to "Frustrated in Florida," who doesn't share a bedroom with her husband and is getting heat about it from her parents and in-laws. You said there is no law that demands couples have to.

My husband and I also sleep in separate rooms. We are embarrassed to let people know we don't sleep together because they automatically assume we're not getting along. We still have a very close relationship and always will. -- HAPPY WITH SEPARATE BEDROOMS, GURNEE, ILL.

DEAR HAPPY: That letter brought in bushels more from couples who also sleep better apart. It seems the practice isn't as unusual as some might think. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I haven't shared a bed for 15 of the 20 years we've been married. It saved our marriage. He's a night owl; I'm an early-to-bed, early-to-rise type who sleeps very lightly. Sharing a bedroom is not a part of the marriage vows. It's whatever works best for the couple -- and nobody else's business. -- SLEEPING SOLO, PENDLETON, IND.

DEAR ABBY: After 25 years of marriage, we use separate bedrooms, too. I have insomnia and am going through menopause. My cowboy sleeps with a lot of covers and is always cold. We tell anyone who questions our arrangement that sharing a bed doesn't guarantee sex all the time. With us, I ask my cowboy, "Should I go to the Holiday Inn or Best Western tonight?" It works for us, and we sleep great. -- RESTED IN MOUNT PULASKI, ILL.

DEAR ABBY: Sleeping in separate rooms saved my marriage. For years, we forced ourselves to share the same bed. I finally got mad and slept in the guest room one night. We both woke up the next morning relatively sane! The only one who has a hard time with this is the family dog, who now must rotate between bedrooms. We have no problem arranging "together time." As for family members, it's none of their business. -- NO LONGER FRUSTRATED, LAKE WORTH, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: It took our marriage to almost fail before we realized we just needed to sleep apart. Our physical relationship improved after we used separate bedrooms because we were better rested and not so irritable with each other.

We have never told our families about it. If you print this, please do not reveal my name or location. They still don't know. -- HAPPY IN DREAMLAND

DEAR ABBY: I'm a morning person, in bed by 10:30 p.m. My husband usually stays up till 1 a.m. Having separate bedrooms works beautifully for us. When I retire at night, he rubs my feet with cream. In the morning, I bring him his coffee in bed.

Everyone needs time to themselves. I have my alone time in the morning; he has his at night. We're always happy to see each other after our alone time. For 45 years, this has worked perfectly for us. When anyone acts surprised that we have separate bedrooms, we always say, "Oh, but we have plenty of visitation!" That gets 'em. -- SLEEPING SOUNDLY IN HAWAII

DEAR ABBY: Silence is golden, I say. And that goes for telling marriage secrets outside the home. Where they sleep is nobody's business but their own! -- BETHESDA SLEEPER

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