DEAR ABBY: "Jeff" and I have been married nine years. Before that, we lived together for four years. We have 13 years invested in this relationship. He is 42; I am 38.
Jeff is a good person. He doesn't lie, cheat, drink, abuse me or gamble. So what's my problem? The sex was great in the beginning of our marriage, but in the last six or seven years there has been nothing. Zilch! Jeff has no sex drive at all.
Jeff says, "Sex isn't everything." When I suggested seeing a doctor, he flatly refused. When I suggested counseling, all he said was, "No way!" Abby, I have begged, pleaded, cried, yelled, screamed and slept on the couch. All to no avail.
Am I oversexed? His refusal to get help is really getting me down. Have you any ideas? -- FRUSTRATED IN PHOENIX
DEAR FRUSTRATED: You are not oversexed. Your husband has a problem. However, unless he is willing to admit it and agree to do something about it, there is nothing that you, I or anyone else can do about it.
Therefore, I suggest counseling -- for YOU. It will help you objectively to evaluate whether or not you can accept living in a sexless marriage.