DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Jack" for 25 years. Jack is not unfaithful, nor does he drink or beat me. He has high morals and claims to be a Christian. He is a stepfather to my four grown children.

Jack says that when my son was a teenager, he and some of his friends stole things from our garage and a piece of jewelry from our bedroom. (My son is now 28 and married with two children.)

We have a large bonus room in our home that contains expensive recording equipment and musical instruments. Jack keeps this room locked unless he's at home. Even when he goes out and I stay home, Jack locks the door. Jack recently bought a new, very large storage shed that has a lock on it, too -- and only one key. He also keeps a post office box for which I don't have a key.

I have asked my husband nicely for keys to these spaces. Jack either ignores my requests or gives me reasons why I "don't need" keys. This is beginning to create a wedge between us.

I work every day at a well-paying job and contribute as much as Jack does to our income. Our children are long gone, and we live alone in our home. I have given him no reason not to trust me. Help! -- LOCKED OUT IN TENNESSEE

DEAR LOCKED OUT: Tell your husband that you do "need" keys to the bonus room, the shed and the P.O. box because you feel locked out of his life. Although everyone needs a little privacy, your husband's need appears to be growing. What could he be getting at the post office that he doesn't want delivered to your mailbox? People as secretive as your husband usually have something to hide. It may take marriage counseling to get to the bottom of this, but do not let the subject drop until this is resolved.

DEAR ABBY: I am 10 years old. My best friend, "Elizabeth," can't communicate with her mom or her new stepdad because every night and day they go out to bars and get very drunk. Elizabeth's mom is disabled, and she is always trying to kill herself.

She can't say "hi," "good morning" or "I love you" to her mom because they don't have time to talk to her. They tell her they have to work, but they go to the bars instead.

Can you give me some advice on what I can do to help Elizabeth? -- CARING FRIEND, OLYMPIA, WASH.

DEAR CARING FRIEND: How sad that when parents were handed out, your friend was so severely shortchanged. Although you can't improve her home situation, you can let her know she is welcome to spend as much time with you as your parents will allow, and if she needs to talk, your mother will listen and help if she can. You may be only 10, but that would be a generous and powerful favor to extend to someone who needs one.

DEAR ABBY: Do you know what the term "grass widow" means? How did it originate, and is it disrespectful? -- INSULTED -- MAYBE, IN SPARTANBURG, S.C.

DEAR INSULTED -- MAYBE: Although various dictionaries differ on the date of origin, according to "American Slang," the abridged edition of the "New Dictionary of American Slang" by Robert L. Chapman (Harper Paperbacks), the moniker dates back to the late 1800s. It is used to describe, "A woman who is alone because of divorce, separation, rejection, etc. (because her husband is still above the grass rather than under it)." I'm sad to say that historically the term has not been used as a compliment because at one time it was used to describe a "discarded mistress."

DEAR ABBY: Do you know what the term "grass widow" means? How did it originate, and is it disrespectful? -- INSULTED -- MAYBE, IN SPARTANBURG, S.C.

DEAR INSULTED -- MAYBE: Although various dictionaries differ on the date of origin, according to "American Slang," the abridged edition of the "New Dictionary of American Slang" by Robert L. Chapman (Harper Paperbacks), the moniker dates back to the late 1800s. It is used to describe, "A woman who is alone because of divorce, separation, rejection, etc. (because her husband is still above the grass rather than under it)." I'm sad to say that historically the term has not been used as a compliment because at one time it was used to describe a "discarded mistress."

DEAR ABBY: I'm having a bit of a dilemma. About two years ago, I proposed to my girlfriend, "Gigi," and she excitedly said yes. Eventually, Gigi and I no longer saw eye-to-eye. She returned the ring, and we both went our separate ways.

About a year ago, I met a lady I'll call Angel. Her co-worker had tried to arrange it for months. When we finally met, sparks flew! I still get excited thinking about that first meeting. Anyway, Angel and I have been dating long enough that I think she is definitely "The One." I can see myself settling down with her.

Would it be appropriate to get the stones removed from the engagement ring I got back from Gigi and have them placed in another setting for Angel? The large diamond cost me almost $3,000 and, for me, that's expensive. -- READY TO CUT THE CAKE IN LOUISIANA

DEAR READY: There's an old saying: If you want to make rabbit stew, first catch the rabbit. Do nothing with the ring that was returned until you have discussed the matter with Angel. If Angel accepts your proposal, explain the situation and ask your fiancee what she'd prefer. But don't be surprised if she doesn't want the stone because it symbolizes a failed romance.

Your letter reminds me of an old joke my mother told me years ago. Two women were sitting next to each other at the beauty shop when one noticed that the other was wearing a large diamond ring. "Why, Mrs. Harold!" she exclaimed. "What a gorgeous diamond. Wherever did you get it?"

Her companion held out her hand and said: "Why thank you. My husband gave it to me. It's the famous Harold diamond. It has a curse on it."

"A curse?" the woman asked. "What kind of curse?"

Sighed her friend, "The curse is Harold."

DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Dina," turned 21 last February. She is planning to marry a wonderful, sweet guy named "Steve" in September. While I was at their apartment last week, the subject of children came up. Steve said he wanted three kids and rubbed Dina's belly. My sister just smiled.

Abby, my sister can't have children. She had a hysterectomy when she was 16. Dina apparently hasn't told him. I asked her about it, and she said she would tell Steve after the wedding. Shouldn't this be done before the wedding? -- TRUTHFUL IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TRUTHFUL: Your sister's fiance should definitely be told the truth before the wedding takes place. To do otherwise could be considered fraud, and grounds for an annulment when the man finds out he was misled.

DEAR ABBY: I am a college student, and I often travel to and from college with my mom. On a recent trip we spent the night at a nice hotel, and some of the people on our floor were really noisy. As hotel guests, should we have knocked on their door and asked them to keep it down, or is it the hotel manager's job to keep the peace? -- WONDERING IN FALLON, NEV.

DEAR WONDERING: It is hotel security whose job it is to keep the peace. If you were bothered by noise from another room, you should have called the front desk and reported the problem. Hotel staff would have taken it from there.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "In Love Again," whose wife died of cancer four months ago and who insists he's ready to remarry, impelled me to write. My husband died suddenly nine months ago. He was only 47. (I am 48.) I joined a grief support group for people under 50.

In one of the sessions, the subject of hasty remarriage was discussed. The counselor leading the group dropped this pearl of wisdom: "Women grieve alone, and men grieve with another woman."

I agree with you and with "In Love's" pastors that four months is too soon to become engaged. If he can find a support group like the one I had, he should go. It gave me tools to cope and affirmation that I wasn't crazy as I experienced the stages of grief. -- BEEN THERE IN MANSFIELD, MASS.

DEAR BEEN THERE: Although I warned "In Love Again" to take his time, some readers disagreed. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My first wife died unexpectedly in 1991. Eight months later, I married a widow I'd known for 12 years. Some of my seven children were so angry they refused to attend the wedding. That really hurt.

To make a long story short, we celebrate every month of marriage with an anniversary card that I create on my computer, flowers from the grocery store, and dinner at a nice restaurant. We just celebrated our 163rd month anniversary. Tell that man to get married! -- JOE F. IN INDIO, CALIF.

DEAR JOE F.: If the two of you are happy, I'm happy for you. However, you knew your present wife for 12 years before you married her. "In Love" has known his lady friend only four months. Call me cautious, but that's an awfully short time.

DEAR ABBY: My father, a prominent minister of a large church, married his secretary three months after my mother's death from cancer. After mother's funeral, Dad was besieged by a hoard of single women offering food, help ... and more. His marriage may have been partly in self-defense.

My brother, my wife and I loved the new wife. She was wonderful for Dad during the five years before their deaths in a car accident. Although I agree with your advice to take it more slowly, I'm glad Dad had a great partner in his final years. Good luck to "In Love Again." -- LOWELL IN DENVER

DEAR LOWELL: I'm sorry your father's time with his second wife was so short. Several readers wrote to say that if "In Love" is a senior citizen, his age should be taken into consideration.

DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from "In Love Again," it was like I was revisiting my recent past. Today marks exactly one year and one day since I lost my beloved wife to cancer. We were married 13 years.

I was lonely, depressed and starved for physical intimacy. Two months later, I began dating a woman at work. It wasn't long before I thought I had met the next "love of my life." Despite warnings from family, friends and co-workers, I persisted. I isolated myself from anyone who said I was making a mistake.

The relationship finally ran its course, and we ended it. Now that I have some perspective, I see I was blind to what everyone who cared about me could see: It was happening too soon and for all the wrong reasons.

I encourage "In Love" to slow down. If it's true love, and not a reaction to grief and loneliness, it'll stand the test of time. If not, he'll be doing himself and the lady a big favor. -- ROBERT IN LAS VEGAS

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)