DEAR ABBY: We have a stalker living in our apartment building. It's the residential manager, "Jerry." The owners of the building have been called several times about it, but all they say is, "He's just weird."

Several women tenants say he's harassing them. Jerry has tried to enter their apartments late at night. One lady feels her safety is being threatened because he goes through the halls announcing that she is alone now. When she informed her doctor about it, he said he was going to call the sheriff.

One of the women is thinking about asking to have deadbolt locks installed on the inside of our doors. Have you any other suggestions? -- SINGLE AND WORRIED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR WORRIED: Just this. Although a landlord may be entitled to have access to an apartment, that access has to be reasonable. Tenants have rights, and the concerned tenants in your building should consult a real estate attorney who can review your leases and explain what your rights are. Jerry appears to be more than weird; his behavior seems bizarre and I don't blame you for being concerned about it.

DEAR ABBY: My 11-year-old son, "Noah," still wets the bed. I did, too, until I was 12 -- so I know how humiliating it is. My husband, "Phil," thinks Noah is just too lazy to get up and that he's doing it on purpose.

Phil makes nasty comments to Noah that chip away at his self-esteem. No matter how many times we've talked about this, Phil just doesn't get it. He's not a verbal abuser; he is just ignorant. Maybe hearing an opinion from a professional will make my husband realize it's not just me protecting my child. -- CONCERNED MOM IN APPLE VALLEY

DEAR CONCERNED MOM: I disagree with you. Your husband may be ignorant, but he is also a verbal abuser. The professional who needs to set your husband straight is your son's pediatrician. Your boy may be an unusually deep sleeper, or he may have some kind of physical or emotional problem. Belittling him isn't the answer. It will only create a resentment on your son's part that will last a lifetime.

DEAR ABBY: Can you clarify a question that has been brought up here at my workplace? The ladies in my office have a difference of opinion about what "spending the night" means. If you sleep at someone's house and get up the next morning to go home and get dressed, brush your teeth, etc. -- does this mean that you have spent the night? A few of the ladies say this isn't spending the night, but rather, "getting home really late."

Your opinion, please. -- ARGUING SEMANTICS, STANDARDSVILLE, VA.

DEAR ARGUING: "Getting home really late" implies that the person has rested her head on her own pillow -- at least for a while. If she has gone home only to change clothes, let's be honest -- she has not only "spent the night," she has also spent the early hours of the morning.

DEAR ABBY: I recall your saying that if you find out your significant other or spouse has been in an affair, you should get tested for various STDs. Exactly which ones should I be tested for? -- NEVER THOUGHT I'D NEED TO KNOW IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR NEVER: Talk to your doctor and ask to be tested for all of them.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This letter concerns your advice to the mother of the young woman "Allie," who had been drinking and got into a car accident that killed the other driver. The mother said her daughter felt terrible about it and asked if her daughter should send a sympathy card to the grieving family. You told her that instead of a sympathy card, an abject letter of apology was more appropriate.

My daughter was released from jail last Valentine's Day after serving seven months of a one-year sentence. She was at fault for the death of a man because she tried to pass a car and ended up in a head-on collision. My daughter was speeding, sober and nearly died herself. She, too, was very sorry and insisted on sending the family a letter –- against her attorney's advice.

A letter will not make the deceased's survivors feel better. They will use it against her in court. The courts will punish Allie. That girl doesn't need a lynch mob; she needs to leave it alone.

Today my daughter wishes she hadn't written the letter. Accidents happen, and they change lives forever! -- LET GO AND LET GOD

Dear L.G.: I have a stack of letters echoing your sentiments on this subject. When I wrote my answer, I did not take into consideration that there could be legal ramifications. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: While I have no sympathy for drunk drivers, that girl should not contact the other family at this time. Although the mother didn't say so in her letter, her daughter, "Allie," will likely be charged with some form of homicide. Any letter she writes might be seen as an admission of guilt by the prosecuting attorney. Allie should apologize only when any trial is over. -- NANCY IN GAYLORD, MICH.

DEAR NANCY: Thank you for pointing that out to me and my readers.

DEAR ABBY: As a risk manager, I can tell you that putting an apology in writing would be detrimental to the girl in the lawsuit that is sure to be filed soon. Everything she says can and will be used against her.

I suggest that "Allie" get counseling for her feelings, and also enroll herself in an alcohol abuse program. Doing it before it is court-ordered will benefit her, and it will also confirm the guilt she feels. -- LUCI IN HUNTINGTON BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR LUCI: Counseling is an excellent idea, as soon as the girl is up to it.

DEAR ABBY: I can tell you from experience that the family of that victim will not feel better after receiving a letter of apology. It will only hurt the survivors by highlighting that the young woman survived, but their child, wife, sibling, etc. did not. Whatever peace they may have attained so far (if any) will be shattered and their emotions inflamed.

Speaking as a family member of a victim, I assume the other driver is sorry. I am not interested in letting that person unburden him– or herself to me or having any personal contact with them. It is almost insulting that the person would think a written note would make me feel better. (It goes without saying that cards should not be sent to the grief-stricken family -– notes only.) Your advice should have been that any kind of communication at this time would be inappropriate without knowing more of the facts. -- STILL GRIEVING IN HOUSTON

DEAR STILL GRIEVING: Please accept my sympathy for the tragic loss of your family member. And thank you for discussing your feelings on this painful subject. I retract my answer to that question.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My dad's girlfriend, "Coral," moved in with us last month. Ever since she moved in, things have changed. Coral is a vegetarian. She says sugar is poison, and milk and eggs are bad. The week she moved in, she went through our fridge and pantry and threw out everything that wasn't "organic." She says there won't be any bad foods in the house from now on.

Coral does all the shopping now. All she buys is gross stuff like beans and soy. She says no meat is allowed. I can't stand it! I can't have anything I like anymore. I saved my allowance and bought ice cream. Coral found it and yelled at me and said no TV for a week.

Dad doesn't like it either, but he says it's unfair to disrespect Coral's wishes and beliefs. He says, "Don't worry. We'll go out and eat sometimes, and you can have what you want." Please tell me what to do. -- STARVING IN ALTOONA, PA.

DEAR STARVING: Respect is a two-way street. Coral may have your best interests at heart, but if she's trying to win friends and influence people, she has gotten off to an unfortunate start. How much better it would have been had she gradually started encouraging you to change your eating habits instead of ramming her biases down your throat.

You should not be hungry all the time, and your father should not allow his girlfriend to punish you for acting like a normal child. Please clip this item, show it to your dad and tell him you wrote it. Coral is entitled to her beliefs, but she should not impose them on you the way she has.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 28-year-old mother of a 7-year-old daughter. I was married and divorced by the time I was 23.

Eight months later, I met my current boyfriend, "Keith." We have been together for five years. I am pregnant with his child, and we are anxiously awaiting our home's completion in September and our baby's birth in November.

Keith recently told me he is no longer in love with me, and the only reason he's staying is to make it look good to my family. He said he doesn't want it to look like he abandoned me in the middle of my pregnancy. I have been there for him through thick and thin. I am in complete shock because I believed our relationship was strong.

I play the role of the happy mother-to-be, but I cry myself to sleep every night. Keith says he will live with me for one year starting in September. Then he wants me to refinance the house in my name alone. He says he will help me financially.

I'm afraid to turn to family or friends for fear of "I told you so" lectures. What I don't understand is why Keith is telling our friends how "happy" he is about the house and the baby.

I'm trying to stay strong for the sake of my 7-year-old and the baby, but I'm deep into this financial burden and don't see any way out of it. Please tell me what to do. I don't know if I can handle being a single mother again. -- LIVING A LIE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LIVING A LIE: The longer you live this lie, the more depressed you will become, so please stop doing it. If ever a woman needed the support of family and friends, it is now.

Although your boyfriend says he will support you financially, my advice is to consult a lawyer to guarantee that Keith follows through.

Keeping this mess a secret will only be detrimental to you in the long run, so please don't continue isolating yourself. The surest way for you to get the help you need is to quit living this charade, and speak up and ask for it from those who love you.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)