DEAR ABBY: My 44-year-old brother-in-law, "Bryce," still lives at home. He has never dated, nor has he had any kind of adult relationship in his life. He is extremely affectionate toward children, especially males. He buys gifts for the neighborhood kids, and they all think the world of him. My in-laws say Bryce is just a big kid and harmless. I think his behavior is abnormal.

Last week, I came home early from work. When I came through the door, I surprised Bryce saying goodbye to my 10-year-old son. Bryce was rubbing his hands up and down my son's arms and saying, "Goodbye, sweetheart. I love you." When he saw me, Bryce immediately stopped. He seemed caught off guard and embarrassed, and left quickly.

My husband was in another part of the house and didn't see or hear his brother and our son by the back door. I expressed my concern to my husband later, after our son had gone to bed. I told him I was uncomfortable about the idea of his brother being alone with our son. My husband dismissed the whole thing, saying Bryce is harmless. My gut tells me otherwise. What should I do? -- WORRIED MOM IN NEW YORK

DEAR WORRIED: Listen to your gut and talk to your child about what is appropriate behavior -- and "touch" -- and what isn't. Sometimes children who have been molested keep it a secret because they feel they are responsible for it and are afraid they'll be punished.

Tell your son that no matter what, he can always come to you and tell you anything because you love him and you're on his side. Let him know that if he has any questions about anything, you will make the time to hear them and answer them honestly. Repeat that message often. It's one way to protect your child, and will reap many dividends.

DEAR ABBY: I have known a certain 14-year-old girl, "Haley," since she was 7. I help take care of her now and then because her mother is a drug addict and is rarely around. Haley lives at her friend's house, and she is starting to become sexually active. She goes very far, but hasn't gone all the way yet.

Would it be wrong of me to take Haley to a birth control clinic and have the counselors speak with her and get her on birth control? The woman she lives with doesn't seem to care what the girl does and figures she shouldn't have to because it isn't her kid. This young lady needs to be steered in the right direction and I want to help. -- WORRIED IN BRIDGEVIEW, ILL.

DEAR WORRIED: You are caring and intelligent. With no adult supervision, your young friend is on a collision course with disaster. You are in a position to prevent it from happening. By all means take her to a clinic where she can not only get birth control, but also learn how to prevent a sexually transmitted disease that could damage her health and/or fertility. It would be a tremendous kindness.

DEAR ABBY: I have six sisters. We all share the same mother, but only one sister has the same father as I do. This is my only "real" sister, right? The others are my stepsisters, right? Please answer this. -- NEEDS TO KNOW, ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: The sister who shares the same father with you is your full-blooded sister. The other five are your half-sisters. Stepsisters are related by marriage only.

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DEAR ABBY: My parents have always assumed that if anything happened to me and my husband, they would be named guardians of our two children, ages 7 and 4 months. We have, however, decided to name our best friends, "Gabrielle" and "Frank."

When we asked them to be guardians, they said they would be honored. Gabby and Frank have two kids, 7 and 11 months. We rarely differ on parenting techniques, and they have always treated our children like their own.

We chose to go outside the family because half our siblings live far away and we don't want the children moved. The siblings who have remained in our hometown all have problems with drugs and/or alcohol. Mother is a wonderful grandmother, but she suffers from frequent migraines and has a touch of emphysema. A weekend with both grandchildren completely exhausts her. Dad loves the kids but has little patience with them. He also drinks too much, and that's not the environment I want my kids raised in.

Because we're going outside the family, we will include strict visitation rights for my parents.

Mom will be very upset when we tell her she won't get custody and will probably stop speaking to me. Would it be OK not to tell her and let her find out if and when the will is read? If not, how can I tell her without destroying our relationship? -- WORRIED UP NORTH

DEAR WORRIED: Assuming that you and your husband are in good health, I see no reason to make any announcements about the contents of your will. Should your mother raise the subject, do not lie to her; explain your reasons in the same way that you have explained them to me, because they are valid.

Because you are concerned about her being hurt if you predecease her and she finds out she was not named guardian, enclose a letter to her with your will, to be read by her in the event of your death. That way, she will understand your reasons for making the decision you did.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl, and lately I have been desperately yearning to go out and do something -- like go to a distant country and help the people there. I have even considered running away.

I haven't discussed this with my mother, because I'm afraid she will put me on more Zoloft or send me to another psychiatrist. She is an avid Dear Abby reader, so please, if you print this, don't print my name or city. Is there anything you can do to help? -- WANTS TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN TENNESSEE

DEAR WANTS TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE: I'm not sure you need my help. Wanting to make a difference in the world is a positive impulse, not a symptom of mental illness. It has energized people like Albert Schweitzer, Mother Teresa and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., to name a few, as well as legions of idealistic young people who have joined the Peace Corps.

Please have a little more faith in your mother and talk to her about your feelings. I'm sure she will be proud of you. Before packing any bags and heading for places unknown, consider this: You can change the world by starting small and building up to it. There are many volunteer agencies in your community that would welcome the help of an enthusiastic, energetic young person like yourself. Your mother can help you find some.

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DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Arnold," and I have lived together two years. During the four years that we've known each other, we have had only five or six really bad, screaming, door-slamming, crying fights about relatively important subjects like children and money.

Arnold told me yesterday morning that he would be playing soccer with friends after work, and to expect him home a little later than usual. Well, when he wasn't home by 10:30 p.m., I panicked because he's usually home from games by 7. His cell phone was turned off, so I called a co-worker to try to locate him. Ten minutes later Arnold walked in the door. When he heard I had called a co-worker trying to locate him, he got very angry. He raised his voice, called me "psycho," and said I had no right to know where he was every minute.

Abby, we live in a bad neighborhood where innocent people getting shot, run over and killed isn't unusual. I am very upset because I have no idea why he got so angry. We have since made up, but I'm still hurting and feel his reaction was undeserved. Did I overreact? Is this a bad sign for our future? -- LOVES ARNOLD IN OAKLAND

DEAR LOVES ARNOLD: Your boyfriend may have been embarrassed because his co-worker was called, or he may have been angry because he was somewhere other than a soccer game. I don't know him, so I can't read his motivation.

However, now that you both have cooled down, it's time to explain to Arnold again how worried you were when he didn't show up or call, and ask him why he reacted the way he did. Suggest that, in the future, he give you a call when he's going to be more than an hour late.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 13 and just finished the seventh grade. I recently got my belly button pierced, and everything was fine until about a week ago. This sounds weird, but a red bump showed up at the top of my piercing, and it seems to keep swelling. I've had my belly button pierced for only a month, so I'm sure I started changing my jewelry too soon. I'm worried this bump will stay on my navel forever.

Do you have any idea what it is, and how I can get rid of it? I love my piercing and don't want to take it out. Any information would help. -- PIERCED IN MONTANA

DEAR PIERCED: You may have an infection at the site of your piercing, or be allergic to the metal in some of your navel jewelry. My advice is to ask your mother to schedule a doctor's appointment for you so the problem can be diagnosed and treated. The doctor can determine whether or not you will have to "take it out." Keep your fingers crossed and hold a good thought.

DEAR ABBY: You have asked readers to share their pet peeves with you. Well, here's mine. Please help me get the message out. When an elevator door opens, please allow the passengers who are getting off to get out of the elevator before you get on! I don't understand why people must push their way into an elevator while folks are trying to get off. -- ELIZABETH IN MEDFORD, ORE.

DEAR ELIZABETH: Neither do I, unless they are so determined to be first on the elevator that they have forgotten their manners. It's only common sense that the elevator be allowed to empty before passengers begin to enter -- otherwise they're jostling each other at the door.

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