DEAR ABBY: My heart goes out to the suicidal 12-year-old from Pennsylvania. That letter was a cry for help, and I urge him or her to seek help immediately -- today, not tomorrow; now, not later. No 12-year-old deserves to feel the way that child does.

I can empathize because my 12-year-old son is struggling with major depression. Neither his father nor I realized it until one day he wrote a suicide note. Like the writer of that letter, my son thought if he told anyone he felt depressed he wouldn't be believed.

Believe me, when his suicide note was found, although he did not actually try to harm himself, it was taken very seriously. Treatment started that very day. We are not so far along on this journey that we know exactly what the future holds, but we do know our son is in a much happier place now with proper therapy and medication.

Adults in that child's life should treat even the suggestion of suicide with the seriousness it deserves and seek mental health treatment immediately. After seeing the difference therapy and medication have made in my son's life, I feel it is important to let that child know help is available. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but of strength. -- BEEN THERE AND DOING IT

DEAR BEEN THERE: I'm sure many more young people besides the one from Pennsylvania will appreciate your encouragement.

I advised the child who wrote to talk to a trusted teacher or counselor and to ask that person to intercede with his/her parents. I also suggested, if the temptation to self-injure became overwhelming, that he/she pick up the phone and ask the operator for a crisis hotline.

After the letter was published, I heard from many readers whose lives have been affected by depression or suicide. A woman who had been suicidal at 15 suggested the writer confide in a clergy person or the parents of a friend. A sixth-grade teacher, whose daughter had suffered from clinical depression for several years, told me her child had talked to a campus police officer about it because she "didn't want to worry" her mother. And a school social worker from Illinois asked me to print the number of the National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433).

DEAR Abby: Over the last two years I have lost 95 pounds. I did it by changing my lifestyle, exercising and making better food choices.

My husband, "Paul," insists that he shouldn't have to hide his cookies, potato chips and chocolate candy, and says I should have self-control. I do have self-control, Abby, but sometimes the temptation is just too great. I feel Paul is unconsciously trying to sabotage me. How can I make him understand that I don't want junk food in my line of vision, and that it isn't all about willpower? -- RESENTFUL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR RESENTFUL: Your resentment is justified. His insistence on keeping junk food where you will find it is an attempt at control. Your husband isn't "unconsciously" trying to sabotage you; it is overt and deliberate. Your victory may be a threat to him. On some level it may have made him feel less in control of you, or he may be threatened that you are now more attractive to other men.

Because you can't control what your husband does, you must control the way you react to it. The next time you take a bite of his junk food, remember why he left it there. I'm sure it will leave a bitter taste in your mouth.

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DEAR ABBY: I'm 14, and I don't wear shorts because I'm self-conscious about my legs. My mother is always nagging me to wear them in the heat.

The other day, I overheard one of Mom's girlfriends ask her why I don't wear shorts, and what's wrong with my legs? The next day, Mom told me she was going to put on some shorts and how much cooler she felt. Then she asked, "Aren't you hot in those jeans? You should start wearing shorts."

Today, Mom had on some new shorts, and she said they were the most comfortable she had ever worn. Then she handed me a bag with four pairs of shorts and told me, "I got you some, too." She told me to try on a pair. I told her I wasn't wearing them. She yelled that I was being ridiculous to wear jeans in 95-degree weather.

Later, I got out of the shower and saw the shorts on my bed. All my jeans and pants were gone. Mom then came in and told me to put on the shorts. She said, "You have nice legs and look good wearing shorts. You look normal now -- and don't you feel a lot cooler?" She said she expects me to wear shorts every day for the rest of the summer. What should I do? -- NEEDS ADVICE IN TEXAS

DEAR NEEDS ADVICE: You'll wear the shorts, and probably resent your mother every day you put them on -- or attempt a compromise. Believe it or not, you don't need advice as much as your mother does. She has won the battle, but at what price? She turned your insecurity into a power struggle and pulled rank. There was no reason to force you to wear shorts other than the fact she felt self-conscious in front of her friend. Talk about misplaced priorities!

DEAR ABBY: I am writing because I'm having my first child in October. I would like my mother to be in the room with me as I go through the labor because she has had four children and has coached other women through labor.

My husband thinks it's unfair to just have my mom in the room, and he's insisting that his mom be in the room, too. I don't need his mother's help, and I don't think it's necessary. He says he either wants it to be just the two of us for the entire labor and delivery, or both of our moms during the labor.

Do you think that's fair? Shouldn't I have more say in this since I'm the one having the baby? -- PREGNANT AND ANNOYED IN L.A.

DEAR PREGNANT: Your husband does not have the right to dictate who will attend the labor and delivery. When he delivers, then he can decide who should be there and for how long.

Before this situation degenerates any further, make your wishes known to your obstetrician. He or she can ensure that they are carried out.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently become engaged to be married. My fiance and I have been together about seven months. We plan to be married next June.

My mother and I are trying to decide the proper time to put the engagement announcement in the paper. She thinks we should do it in a few months, when we have made our final decisions about the wedding. I am clueless. Can you help? -- IN LOVE IN TEXAS

DEAR IN LOVE: According to Emily Post, announcements can appear as long as a year in advance of the wedding, or as short a time as one week. However, two or three months before the wedding is average.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Mr. Right," and I have been together three years. He wasn't born in this country, but he became a citizen quite a while ago.

His mother says she "loves me to death" and brags about me to all her friends, but she frequently makes comments that "Americans are stupid." She also calls my mother stupid because she has been married three times and has three children by three different men.

I have told Mr. Right that this hurts me deeply and asked him to say something to his mother about it, because I'm concerned that one day I'll lose my temper. He still hasn't said anything.

We are being married next year, and I'm afraid this will cause a problem between his mother and me. How can I tell her how offended I am without hurting her? -- UPSET IN SPARTANBURG, S.C.

DEAR UPSET: The next time your fiance's mother calls Americans stupid, remind her that her son is now a proud American. And the next time she makes an insulting comment about your mother, tell her you find it extremely hurtful when she puts your mother down. If the woman persists after that, you'll know she really doesn't "love you to death," and that if you marry "Mr. Right," you're in for one heck of a mother-in-law problem.

DEAR ABBY: This is the second marriage for my husband, "Harry," and me. Harry's son, "Joel," is coming to visit soon.

Joel is twice-divorced and bringing his girlfriend, whom we have never met. He says he expects his 14-year-old daughter, "Tori," to stay with us, too.

Abby, Joel expects to share a bedroom with his girlfriend while Tori is here. I am opposed to it. Harry wants to please his son, although in theory he is against the arrangement, too. Since Tori lives with her mother in the same town we do, I have suggested that Joel return the girl to her home each night if he expects to sleep with his girlfriend.

Joel is in the military and expects to leave for overseas duty soon, and I don't want to ruin the visit for my husband, but I do feel responsible for Tori.

Are we really dinosaurs with old-fashioned ideas? -- MORAL IN MUSKEGON, MICH.

DEAR MORAL: I don't think so. I agree with you that sharing the same bedroom in front of the girl would be poor judgment, and your solution is a sensible one. To do otherwise would be to send the wrong message. I hope you and Harry stick to your guns.

DEAR ABBY: This is the third time the subject has come up in conversation, and we need an answer so we can stop arguing. The question: Is it OK to call a Little Person a midget or a dwarf? Should they just be referred to as Little People or LPs? Please tell me what is correct. -- LITTLE PROBLEM IN SEATTLE

DEAR LITTLE PROBLEM: Most people of any height would prefer to be referred to by name rather than labeled. However, according to the Billy Barty Foundation, terms such as "dwarf," "little person," "LP" and "person of short stature" are all acceptable.

The term "midget" is considered offensive by most people of short stature because the term dates back to 1865, the height of the "freak show" era, when it was applied to proportionate dwarves who were on display for public amusement.

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