DEAR ABBY: I'm 14, and I don't wear shorts because I'm self-conscious about my legs. My mother is always nagging me to wear them in the heat.

The other day, I overheard one of Mom's girlfriends ask her why I don't wear shorts, and what's wrong with my legs? The next day, Mom told me she was going to put on some shorts and how much cooler she felt. Then she asked, "Aren't you hot in those jeans? You should start wearing shorts."

Today, Mom had on some new shorts, and she said they were the most comfortable she had ever worn. Then she handed me a bag with four pairs of shorts and told me, "I got you some, too." She told me to try on a pair. I told her I wasn't wearing them. She yelled that I was being ridiculous to wear jeans in 95-degree weather.

Later, I got out of the shower and saw the shorts on my bed. All my jeans and pants were gone. Mom then came in and told me to put on the shorts. She said, "You have nice legs and look good wearing shorts. You look normal now -- and don't you feel a lot cooler?" She said she expects me to wear shorts every day for the rest of the summer. What should I do? -- NEEDS ADVICE IN TEXAS

DEAR NEEDS ADVICE: You'll wear the shorts, and probably resent your mother every day you put them on -- or attempt a compromise. Believe it or not, you don't need advice as much as your mother does. She has won the battle, but at what price? She turned your insecurity into a power struggle and pulled rank. There was no reason to force you to wear shorts other than the fact she felt self-conscious in front of her friend. Talk about misplaced priorities!

DEAR ABBY: I am writing because I'm having my first child in October. I would like my mother to be in the room with me as I go through the labor because she has had four children and has coached other women through labor.

My husband thinks it's unfair to just have my mom in the room, and he's insisting that his mom be in the room, too. I don't need his mother's help, and I don't think it's necessary. He says he either wants it to be just the two of us for the entire labor and delivery, or both of our moms during the labor.

Do you think that's fair? Shouldn't I have more say in this since I'm the one having the baby? -- PREGNANT AND ANNOYED IN L.A.

DEAR PREGNANT: Your husband does not have the right to dictate who will attend the labor and delivery. When he delivers, then he can decide who should be there and for how long.

Before this situation degenerates any further, make your wishes known to your obstetrician. He or she can ensure that they are carried out.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently become engaged to be married. My fiance and I have been together about seven months. We plan to be married next June.

My mother and I are trying to decide the proper time to put the engagement announcement in the paper. She thinks we should do it in a few months, when we have made our final decisions about the wedding. I am clueless. Can you help? -- IN LOVE IN TEXAS

DEAR IN LOVE: According to Emily Post, announcements can appear as long as a year in advance of the wedding, or as short a time as one week. However, two or three months before the wedding is average.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Mr. Right," and I have been together three years. He wasn't born in this country, but he became a citizen quite a while ago.

His mother says she "loves me to death" and brags about me to all her friends, but she frequently makes comments that "Americans are stupid." She also calls my mother stupid because she has been married three times and has three children by three different men.

I have told Mr. Right that this hurts me deeply and asked him to say something to his mother about it, because I'm concerned that one day I'll lose my temper. He still hasn't said anything.

We are being married next year, and I'm afraid this will cause a problem between his mother and me. How can I tell her how offended I am without hurting her? -- UPSET IN SPARTANBURG, S.C.

DEAR UPSET: The next time your fiance's mother calls Americans stupid, remind her that her son is now a proud American. And the next time she makes an insulting comment about your mother, tell her you find it extremely hurtful when she puts your mother down. If the woman persists after that, you'll know she really doesn't "love you to death," and that if you marry "Mr. Right," you're in for one heck of a mother-in-law problem.

DEAR ABBY: This is the second marriage for my husband, "Harry," and me. Harry's son, "Joel," is coming to visit soon.

Joel is twice-divorced and bringing his girlfriend, whom we have never met. He says he expects his 14-year-old daughter, "Tori," to stay with us, too.

Abby, Joel expects to share a bedroom with his girlfriend while Tori is here. I am opposed to it. Harry wants to please his son, although in theory he is against the arrangement, too. Since Tori lives with her mother in the same town we do, I have suggested that Joel return the girl to her home each night if he expects to sleep with his girlfriend.

Joel is in the military and expects to leave for overseas duty soon, and I don't want to ruin the visit for my husband, but I do feel responsible for Tori.

Are we really dinosaurs with old-fashioned ideas? -- MORAL IN MUSKEGON, MICH.

DEAR MORAL: I don't think so. I agree with you that sharing the same bedroom in front of the girl would be poor judgment, and your solution is a sensible one. To do otherwise would be to send the wrong message. I hope you and Harry stick to your guns.

DEAR ABBY: This is the third time the subject has come up in conversation, and we need an answer so we can stop arguing. The question: Is it OK to call a Little Person a midget or a dwarf? Should they just be referred to as Little People or LPs? Please tell me what is correct. -- LITTLE PROBLEM IN SEATTLE

DEAR LITTLE PROBLEM: Most people of any height would prefer to be referred to by name rather than labeled. However, according to the Billy Barty Foundation, terms such as "dwarf," "little person," "LP" and "person of short stature" are all acceptable.

The term "midget" is considered offensive by most people of short stature because the term dates back to 1865, the height of the "freak show" era, when it was applied to proportionate dwarves who were on display for public amusement.

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DEAR ABBY: I have been married about 16 years, but there is something I can't handle anymore. My husband, "Karl," drinks every day. He insists he doesn't have a problem, but I think his problem is severe.

I have spoken to Karl's parents about it. His father lives with us, so I have spoken to him more than I have to my mother-in-law. His father says we should help him. However, every time there's an episode where Karl gets violent, calls me names and says I'm good for nothing because I don't hold a job, his father says things like, "Karl works hard. He has the right to have a few beers if he wants to."

How can I help my husband stop drinking? -- KARL'S WIFE IN STATEN ISLAND

DEAR WIFE: You can't "help" your husband stop drinking. However, you can help yourself by recognizing that his outbursts have nothing to do with you. Karl's father should be ashamed of himself. By making excuses for his son and turning a blind eye to his abusive outbursts, he has become his son's enabler.

There is an organization for people in your situation. It's called Al-Anon, and it has been mentioned in this column many times. Al-Anon is a 12-step fellowship of people whose lives have been affected by the compulsive drinking of a family member or friend. To locate a chapter near you, call (888) 425-2666, or visit their Web site: www.al-anon.alateen.org. Please do it soon, because when you do, you will be welcomed by people who understand what you have been experiencing and who want to help.

P.S. Another way to help yourself would be to find a job. I predict that the less financially dependent you become, the better you will feel about yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 22-year-old woman, married 4 1/2 years, and the mother of a 3-year-old son. My husband and I have been having problems recently, and he has become very controlling. We separated once for three weeks, but I was miserable so I went back to him. I guess I'd rather suffer by his side than suffer alone.

My sister is being married next month in a city that's 2,000 miles away, and my husband is refusing to go. My whole family will be there, and I haven't seen them in six years. My husband says if I want to go I should take our son, and while I'm gone he will do "whatever he wants."

I would like to celebrate this special occasion with my husband, not only so I can see my family, but also so they can finally meet him. I don't want to go alone. Should I skip the wedding? -- SPLIT DOWN THE MIDDLE

DEAR SPLIT: Take your son and go to the wedding so your family can meet your little boy. Who knows when your entire family will be assembled again? Because no one has a contract with God, it could be the last time you see some of them.

Please don't let your husband's implied threat dissuade you. Remember, he can "do whatever he wants" while you're in town as easily as he can while you're away. So go and have a good time. And when you get back, make it a point to get marriage counseling.

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