DEAR ABBY: My 19-year-old son fell asleep at the wheel of his car this morning on his way to work. He was driving on the expressway, and his car traveled about 80 feet into a wide median, narrowly missing several large obstacles. He's lucky to be alive; his car was totaled.

My son fell asleep because he was tired. We knew he had been making and receiving a lot of late-night phone calls. This morning, after the car was towed, we went over his cell phone records for the past month and learned that he hasn't gone more than three hours without receiving a call! That's a full month without a good night's sleep.

We have contacted other parents. They are discovering the same thing. Because evenings and weekends are free on many cell phone plans, the kids take full advantage. So they call, and call, and call.

A sleep-deprived driver is as dangerous as a driver who's talking on a cell phone, probably even more so. Parents: Teach your kids to skip the late-night phone calls so they can survive their next drive. -- EYES WIDE OPEN IN N.Y.

DEAR EYES WIDE OPEN: I hope parents and teens will pay attention to your letter. Evening and weekend minutes may have been free on your son's calling plan, but because he didn't use them sensibly, they could have cost him his life.

While young people today have become adept at multi-tasking, one fact remains constant: People need a certain amount of sleep in order for their minds and bodies to function properly. Lack of sleep can adversely affect a person's physical and mental health. Sleep deprivation adversely affects not only our reflexes, but also our mental health and our immune systems. This is something we can control. When staying "connected" becomes an addiction, it's time to pull the plug.

DEAR ABBY: My question is simple: What causes jealousy? -- ROBERT IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR ROBERT: The answer is simple: It's insecurity.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single man in my mid-40s. My parents are gone, but seven of my 10 siblings are still alive.

When I was 12, my appendix burst and I became deathly ill. The hospital visits took their toll on my dad, who suffered a major heart attack two weeks after I was released. Two weeks after that, my father had another massive heart attack that ended his life.

I felt extremely guilty. I thought I had killed my dad, so I turned to our parish priest for help. Instead, he chose to molest me. He said I had made him do it, and I walked out of church feeling I was to blame -- that I was evil.

From then on I trusted no one. I kept people at a distance. I have never had a close personal relationship or a romance.

I have been seeing a wonderful counselor for seven years. She has helped me a lot, but I have resigned myself to being alone the rest of my life.

Abby, my siblings hate me -- I'm not sure why. They have birthday parties, graduation parties, backyard barbecues and many family-oriented gatherings to which I am never invited. We live in the same small town, so it's not a matter of location. They go camping as a family in the summer, and it's always kept a secret from me. When I ask why I wasn't invited to the celebrations, I'm told that "there wasn't enough room." When I ask about the camping trips, I'm told, "We don't go camping as a family; we go as friends, so I'm sure you understand why you're not invited."

I really don't understand. I think they get some kind of kick out of knowing how badly they hurt me. My counselor says I should walk away from them and not look back because what they're doing is deliberate. But how can I walk away from the people who are supposed to love me unconditionally?

I keep hoping one of them will realize how badly I am hurting, have some compassion and extend a loving embrace to me before I completely die on the inside.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- A FAMILY OF ONE IN OHIO

DEAR FAMILY OF ONE: Please listen to your therapist and do as she advises. She has your best interests at heart. You were in no way to blame for your father's death, but on some level you may have been blamed for it by your siblings. Whatever is going on in their shriveled hearts, you cannot fix it. You will not find compassion or empathy where none exists. Your best chance of finding acceptance and love is to stop seeking it from your family, move on, and build a family of your own. Others have done it successfully, and so can you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a horse owner who doesn't mind allowing guests to ride gentle saddle horses. However, some of my guests are so obese that I cannot in good conscience allow them to ride.

Some of my recent guests have weighed more than 300 pounds and think they should be able to ride a small mare. How can I tactfully decline? -- BEFUDDLED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR BEFUDDLED: Weight can be a touchy subject for some people, but you are responsible for the welfare of your animals. Because they can't speak up for themselves, you must. Say it this way, "I'm sorry, but that horse is too small for you, so I can't accommodate you." It's not impolite; it's the truth.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 15. Just 18 days before our three-month anniversary of dating, my boyfriend, "Brandon," broke up with me. He was my first love and I am heartbroken. Seeing him having fun with someone else, while I am alone and hurting, is awful. I want to be happy, but I still love Brandon and want him back.

My friends and my parents all tell me to get over him. I don't want to get over Brandon. I want to know how to get him back. I miss everything we had together. When I think about the fun we had, I break down and cry. What do I do, Abby? I'm miserable without him. How do I stop loving him? -- CRYING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CRYING: Teenage romances can be complicated and painful, and you have my sympathy. Your problem isn't a new one; it's been happening ever since boys and girls started noticing each other. In my booklet for teens there is a section titled "Breaking Up -- or What to Do With the Pieces." In it, I say:

"Speak only well of each other -- or not at all -- after the break.

"Attend parties and school affairs, and develop new interests.

"Keep busy. Avoid the 'old reminders,' which tend to make you moody and broody. Put away or get rid of the pictures, photos and gifts ... unless you enjoy punishing yourself.

"Turn a deaf ear to anyone who wants to pry or question you.

"Girls: A boy says 'it's over' when he stops calling. Usually he gives no reason, but he has them. This means it's time to forget him.

"Boys: A girl will generally give you her reason. Accept it, whatever it is. This means, for you, too, it's time to move on.

"Once it's over, all the note-writing, phoning or conniving will not help your cause. Don't ask a mutual friend to help you 'get him (or her) back.' It will only make you look foolish.

"For all of you -- chalk it up to experience and a part of growing up. There's no growth without a little pain; and it only hurts for a little while."

There are dozens of other things I tell teens to ease them through these difficult, tumultuous years. "What Every Teen Should Know" can be ordered by sending a business-sized, self-addressed envelope plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Is there a tactful way to let a good neighbor know that her wind chimes are driving us crazy? This neighbor hung the chimes on the opposite side of the house from their bedroom -- right next to our screened porch and bedroom window. I suspect that they never hear them, yet we must listen to them all day and all night. -- CRAVING PEACE AND QUIET, LEXINGTON, KY.

DEAR CRAVING: Here's how I'd handle it. I'd bake a batch of cookies or a pie and take it next door. As I offered the goodies to my neighbor, I would say, "I'm sure you're probably not aware of this, but your wind chimes clink day and night -- and they're driving my husband and me to distraction. Would you mind hanging them someplace else?" If she's as good a neighbor as you say, I'm sure she'll accommodate you.