DEAR ABBY: My 10-year-old daughter, "Teddi," is extremely accident-prone and has been since she started walking. It has become a family joke that Teddi can trip over air. She has fallen down stairs, tripped over a crack in the sidewalk, breaking her foot, and most recently, stepped on a rake and knocked out a tooth.

How do I deal with her teachers and friends' parents who look at me like I'm an abusive mother? My daughter always seems to have a bruise or cut somewhere. I have received my share of phone calls from concerned teachers, and each time I explain that Teddi is very accident-prone.

I love Teddi and have taken every precaution I can to help her have fewer accidents, short of putting her in a bubble to protect her from herself. She has perfect vision and no balance issues. Please advise me. -- TIRED OF ACCUSATIONS IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR TIRED: Schedule your daughter for a complete physical and neurological checkup. If the doctors find nothing wrong, then it's time to take your daughter to a psychologist to find out what might be causing her problem. You should have done so as soon as you began getting calls from her teachers.

DEAR ABBY: My husband tells me my job as a wife is to obey him and be subservient. For the most part, I am. Dinner is always on the table, the house is clean, the bills are paid, etc. All he has to do is go to work and take the trash out on Sundays. I do everything else.

If I disagree with anything he says, I'm told that I'm being a bad wife and mother for not obeying him. I am not allowed to work outside the home, although I have a nursing degree. He says marriage is a contract and that love doesn't factor into it. He has told me that he doesn't love me or even like me. He is emotionally and verbally abusive.

I worry that ending the marriage will hurt the children, but I also worry that continuing this unloving relationship will hurt them even more. I don't want them to grow up not knowing what a loving relationship between a husband and wife is like, or thinking that they can't stand up for themselves or what they believe in. But I'm afraid that divorce would cause them even more damage. What's your unbiased advice? -- BETWIXT AND BETWEEN IN PA.

DEAR BETWIXT: When your husband married you, he promised to love, honor and cherish you. If marriage is a contract, then he broke the agreement long ago. My advice is to consult a lawyer and don't look back. Children raised in the kind of atmosphere you have described have far more problems than do children of divorce.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column you wrote, "To paraphrase a quote I heard many years ago, 'We have seen the enemy, and it is us.'" It might interest you to know it was a dialogue from a classic Pogo cartoon.

Give credit where credit is due. The credit belongs to Walt Kelly. -- DAVE WAGNER, EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR DAVE: Bless you for sending a copy of the cartoon, which depicts Pogo talking to another creature as they survey a creek filled with old tires, broken bottles, plastic cups, etc. When his companion comments, "It is hard walking on this stuff," Pogo responds, "Yep, son, we have met the enemy and he is us." How right he was!

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My beautiful, intelligent 18-year-old daughter, "Lara," has just completed her first year of college. She's attending school out of state in the same city where her father, "Grant" -- my ex -- is living.

Abby, Grant left when Lara was 5 months old. He left us for his sister, with whom he had been having an affair, because she told him she was pregnant with his child. The divorce was very hard on us, and my daughter has been in counseling for years -- including at the college.

Lara spends her holidays with her father, her aunt and their two children. She's aware of the incestuous relationship and vents a lot of anger at me for the rough time we've had. In the past, Lara's therapists have told me she directs her anger at me because "she can't get angry at the person she should really be angry at -- her father."

My daughter refuses to tell her current therapist about the incestuous relationship because she's afraid it will be reported to the authorities and the children will be taken away. The sister bought Lara a car and a cell phone, and pays the phone bill, car insurance and some of Lara's other expenses. I suspect the thought of losing the car and cell phone have something to do with my daughter's hesitation to level with her therapist.

How can I get Lara to stop abusing me because of her repressed anger at her father? -- LOVING MOTHER IN ALABAMA

DEAR LOVING MOTHER: The most effective way to stop someone from abusing you is to quit tolerating it. The next time your daughter becomes abusive, inform her that you do not deserve to be treated that way and will not listen. Tell her that unless she is willing to level with her therapist, she might as well quit because it's a waste of everyone's time. Say it in as loving a tone as you can, and do not raise your voice. Then politely end the conversation. You have suffered enough.

DEAR ABBY: Would you please suggest to teenage baby sitters or young houseguests that they ask permission from the homeowner about using their computer before just jumping on it?

We recently hired a lovely young lady to baby-sit our son. I didn't think to mention that she should stay off our computer because it contains sensitive personal and business data. Our son later informed us that she had been on the computer even while he was still awake. That's not what we pay her for. Parents should instruct their teenagers that other people's home computers are off-limits. -- FURIOUS IN MINNESOTA

DEAR FURIOUS: I have a better idea. Owners of home computers with "sensitive" information on them should install a password to prevent the kind of activity you have described. And if I were you, I'd find a more mature baby sitter with a more professional attitude than that "lovely young lady" -- because while she was on your computer, she was neglecting your son.

DEAR ABBY: I have never seen this addressed in your column before. When conversing with someone who has a severe stutter, is it impolite to help the person finish his or her sentence? I am in the customer service industry. If I know the word the customer is trying to say, is it OK to help -- or should I let the speaker finish on his or her own? -- WANTS TO DO THE RIGHT THING IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR WANTS: Although your impulse to be helpful is noble, it is impolite to interrupt others when they are talking. The polite way to handle the situation is to allow the person to finish the sentence.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Pete," and I have been happily married for four years. We get along beautifully, have a wonderful physical relationship, share many interests and truly enjoy being together. However, we do not share a bedroom.

In the beginning, we tried to share a room, but I never got any sleep and was extremely crabby and exhausted all the time. We finally realized we just don't sleep well together. When I'm sleeping, I like it freezing cold; he likes it warm. He sleeps with the TV on; I must have complete silence and total darkness. I need nine hours of sleep to feel rested; he's a night owl who gets by on four to five hours. I have tried sleep masks and ear plugs without success.

We do share a bed when we travel, but when I have to get up for work in the morning, I'd better sleep alone. We are both perfectly fine with this arrangement. The problem is, our families insist that a married couple should share a bedroom, no matter what. How can we get our families to leave us alone? -- FRUSTRATED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: While the majority of my readers would agree that there is a special kind of closeness and intimacy that comes from sharing a bed or bedroom, there's no law that demands couples have to do it. When spouses' sleep habits are as disparate as yours are, it should be to both people's benefit to sleep separately, and your families should respect your choice and stay out of it.

DEAR ABBY: You recently published a letter from a librarian complaining about library conduct. You think SHE has stress? I work for an answering service, and we get screamed at, hung up on and verbally abused multiple times per hour!

Some businesses use us to screen their calls. The people they refuse to call back threaten to sue us! We had to call the police once because a nutty client was coming to the building to "get the operator" he thought made him lose business because the caller lied about having left a message with us. People take their last pill in the morning, neglect to call the doctor's office all day, then scream at us because their doctor has a "no refills after office hours" policy. Then, there are the doctors who get mad when we page them because the pharmacy or the hospital can't read their writing.

Tenants call their apartment after-hours emergency lines and call us names because insect infestations are not considered an emergency by their management, and we must refuse to page the man on call. There are also the people who call us stupid when we ask them to spell the unusual names their mothers made up for them at birth.

Thankfully, there are enough polite callers and wonderful clients and doctors to make my job worth keeping. I try my best to be polite and helpful, but please remind your readers not to take their frustrations out on us. We're just the ones in the middle. -- WORKING GIRL IN OHIO

DEAR WORKING GIRL: It takes a special kind of emotional stamina to keep a cool head, a stiff upper lip and a smile when confronted with people who have forgotten -- or never learned -- their manners. My hat is off to you, and to all of the stalwart individuals working on the front lines of customer relations -- and that includes those in the retail and food service industries.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)