DEAR ABBY: Your readers have a history of responding enthusiastically to the good advice you share with them. Because of that, I'm writing on behalf of the Food and Drug Administration's Office of Women's Health and the Federal Citizen Information Center to offer our new, free Women's Health Information Kit. It contains some of Uncle Sam's best advice on more than a dozen health topics that concern today's women.

All of these materials are part of the Take Time to Care information series. Between caring for their families and staying busy at work, women are always on the go. That is why it's more important than ever for women to "take time to care" about their own health. Whether they're managing their medications, looking for ways to minimize their risk of heart attack or learning about menopause -- they'll find some great advice in our Women's Health Information Kit.

Thanks, Abby, for always providing timely, practical and good advice to your readers. And please ask them to place their orders now, because supplies are limited. -- MARSHA HENDERSON, ACTING ASSISTANT COMMISSIONER FOR WOMEN'S HEALTH, F.D.A.

DEAR MARSHA: I'm delighted to spread the word. Readers, as many of you know, the information in these special kits for women has been compiled by the government at taxpayer expense. That's why they're offered at no cost to you -- not even postage. I have reviewed the kit, and it contains a gold mine of handy-dandy information on topics that include heart disease (the leading killer of women in the United States), mammography, Pap smears, menopause, depression, strokes -- and more.

There are three ways to order this TTTC Women's Health Information Kit. Order online at � HYPERLINK "http://www.pueblo.gsa.gov" ��www.pueblo.gsa.gov�. Send your name and address to Women's Health Information kit, Pueblo, CO 81009. Or call toll-free 1-888-878-3256 weekdays 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. (EST) and ask for the Women's Health Information Kit. If you're interested, don't wait. Do it today.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently recovered from a life-threatening illness, and it has made me want to re-prioritize my life. I have decided I no longer want to spend holidays with some of my relatives. The person I specifically would like to eliminate from my life is vain, shallow and a tightwad -- even though her husband is well-off.

She insists on hosting holiday and family parties at her house, then tells everyone not only to bring the food but also to bring extra portions -- which she uses to feed her own family the following week.

The gifts she gives are either recycled, or stained and torn items of clothing she purchased from thrift stores. When I give her gifts, she tells me to return them and give her the money. If she admires something of mine, she'll beg until I give it to her, then return it to the store for the money or sell it in one of the garage sales she holds twice a month.

When her kids were little, her philosophy was that everyone else should drive them, baby-sit them, take them places and foot the bill. Reciprocation is not a word in her vocabulary.

I feel life is too short to waste on people like this. Is this how people get rich? -- FED UP IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR FED UP: On the contrary. This is how people impoverish themselves in every way that's important.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently recovered from a life-threatening illness, and it has made me want to re-prioritize my life. I have decided I no longer want to spend holidays with some of my relatives. The person I specifically would like to eliminate from my life is vain, shallow and a tightwad -- even though her husband is well-off.

She insists on hosting holiday and family parties at her house, then tells everyone not only to bring the food but also to bring extra portions -- which she uses to feed her own family the following week.

The gifts she gives are either recycled, or stained and torn items of clothing she purchased from thrift stores. When I give her gifts, she tells me to return them and give her the money. If she admires something of mine, she'll beg until I give it to her, then return it to the store for the money or sell it in one of the garage sales she holds twice a month.

When her kids were little, her philosophy was that everyone else should drive them, baby-sit them, take them places and foot the bill. Reciprocation is not a word in her vocabulary.

I feel life is too short to waste on people like this. Is this how people get rich? -- FED UP IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR FED UP: On the contrary. This is how people impoverish themselves in every way that's important.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend of several years, "Tami," became my fiancee last fall. We plan to be married this summer. I am white; Tami is black. For the majority of our relatives, this is not a problem. A few close relatives, however, have made their disapproval of interracial marriage quite clear. I chalk it up to their generation and the world they grew up in. The civil rights movement never happened for them.

Tami and I have decided not to invite those who disapprove. I don't even want them to have the option. Sourpusses do not make good wedding guests, so why waste the invitation? With help from Tami's father, we're paying for the wedding, and we are in agreement. My mother, however, is worried about insulting people. I think it would be a good lesson for them to experience that there are consequences for racist attitudes.

I told Mom I'd run this one by you. Your thoughts, please? -- WEDDING PLANNER IN N.Y.

DEAR WEDDING PLANNER: I'm not sure whose relatives you're planning to exclude, yours or Tami's, since racism is a sad fact of life across the board in our society. However, I see no reason to issue an invitation to anyone you feel would cast a pall over the wedding. Someone who has already voiced disapproval would make a poor guest. May your marriage be a long and happy one.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl living through a nightmare. When I was 4, I got a disease that caused my hair to fall out. I wear a wig and live in constant fear that it will slip or fall off. It's making me miserable.

Some girls say I am "lucky" because I will never have to shave. I would give anything to shave. My mom doesn't understand what it's like. Although she tries, she just makes things worse. How can I cope with this when no one I know understands, or even cares about its effects on my life? -- "NAKED" IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR "NAKED": An excellent way to cope with your problem is to talk with other young people who share it. You have a fairly common autoimmune condition called "alopecia areata." It occurs in men and women, but most often young people are the ones affected.

The National Alopecia Areata Foundation offers support groups, detailed information about current research, treatments, medical information, and much more that could educate your mother and benefit you. You both should visit its Web site, � HYPERLINK "http://www.naaf.org" ��www.naaf.org�, or e-mail it at � HYPERLINK "mailto:info@naaf.org" ��info@naaf.org�. I hope you'll do it soon, because the group is holding its 20th annual conference in Tampa, Fla., June 30 through July 3. If you and your mother can attend, they'll have programs and camps for kids from 5 to 17. Good luck!

DEAR ABBY: Ever since my boss learned we live close to each other (about 15 minutes between us), he has asked me for a ride home every day. The ride is about 45 minutes. How do I tell him "no" without getting fired? Help! -- HAD IT IN HACKENSACK

DEAR HAD IT: Make yourself less available for taxi service. Start filling your calendar with errands, appointments and social engagements after work. You can't be fired for having a schedule other than straight to work and straight home.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: A 38-year-old man wrote to me saying he has never married –- that when he was in his 20s, women ignored him or told him he was "nice, but boring," or that he didn't have enough money. He said that women want only "bad guys" or men with deep pockets, "but now that they're past their prime and have two kids the bad boy left them with" -– he is now good enough. He concluded by saying, "If I wasn't good enough for them then, why should I be good enough now?"

Frankly, I found his attitude offensive. I advised him that if he was still dating women as shallow as those he'd tried to date in his 20s, he should not involve himself with any of them –- that he would be single forever, and I suspected that's the way he wants it.

Some readers felt I didn't look deeply enough. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Please suggest to that man that it's possible the women he mentioned have now matured and realize what qualities are important in a mate, father and role model. Too often, young women think that a fast, wild, carefree romance is the ticket to happiness. Too often, by the time they wake up and realize the "boring," kind, stable guy was a far better choice, they have children, a broken heart, shattered dreams, and are trying to piece their lives back together.

I don't believe those women are looking for a meal ticket, but rather someone they can love, respect and trust to help raise their children in a safe, loving environment.

It's sad that man is so negative and stuck in the past instead of trying to build a future with someone. You were right, Abby. He probably will end up alone, because there ARE men who will step up to the challenge of being kind, loving stepfathers to the children, and loving husbands to women who made unfortunate choices in the past. I know, because I married one. -- HAPPY MOTHER OF FOUR IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HAPPY: I agree, he is "stuck." And until he makes up his mind to live in the moment, he will stay that way.

DEAR ABBY: I have encountered the same attitude that writer describes, and the women weren't all shallow or conceited. They simply believed they were due more than a decent, loyal and honest guy. It's no different than the man past his prime claiming a trophy wife because he feels he "deserves" it –- and everyone agrees that's a despicable attitude.

Both come from the same source, I suspect: Media that constantly tell us from every direction, more than ever before, that only the highest level of physical attractiveness is acceptable in a mate. That concept is shallow, but it affects an awful lot of people who aren't. It feeds on our deepest insecurities, the junior-high self who was ostracized for being different, and who never truly goes away.

By placing the blame for the man not dating back on the women, you ignored the true problem for both men and women, and invalidated someone who may have an accurate view of his world. Seeing reality is the first step toward changing it. -- MADISON, WIS. (MALE) READER

DEAR READER: I think you hit the nail on the head. Thank you for your shrewd analysis. You taught me something today.

DEAR ABBY: The fact the writer views women so negatively is sabotaging any good relationship he might have. That writer needs to realize that women are individuals; some make good choices, others poor ones. He needs to figure out why the only women he meets are the ones who make poor choices, and the good women avoid him. He blames women for his woes, but chances are that he's the real problem. -- GOOD GUY WHO GOT THE GIRL, HOUSTON

DEAR GOOD GUY: I agree.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)