DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are in the security business. My ex-wife is considering hiring us to provide security at her upcoming wedding because of some potential threats.

The problem is that my ex-wife and I have had some heated differences over the last five years. While our communication has improved greatly, there are still differences regarding our child that remain unresolved. Personally, I don't like my ex very much and I have told her so, but I'm professional in my duties and on the job, and I don't intend to let our personal conflicts get in the way of her happiness.

The only other concern I have about my ex is being paid for our services, as I have been burned by her in the past. Would it be wrong to require payment and a signed contract prior to her wedding? -- FEELING INSECURE ABOUT SECURITY IN OREGON

DEAR FEELING INSECURE: Not at all. But why you would want to do business with a customer you neither like nor trust is beyond me. If there's the slightest doubt that you will be fully compensated for your services, get written proof that you were hired rather than invited as a guest -- and a hefty "security" deposit up front.

DEAR ABBY: Is it OK for an atheist not to participate in the saying of "grace" before a meal while dining with those who do? I ask because I am a non-believer and, frankly, I'm uncomfortable participating in prayer.

On the other hand, I respect other people's beliefs, and I don't want to offend anyone. Your thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. -- NON-BELIEVER IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NON-BELIEVER: If you do not wish to say grace, bow your head respectfully while your companions do, and say "Amen" when they are finished. There is no rule of etiquette that demands you say the prayer.

DEAR ABBY: Growing up in a Chinese family, high expectations have always been placed on me, especially since I am the oldest son. I have always been categorized as "gifted," so the academic expectations have been doubled where I'm concerned. I expect to attend an American college, and my parents want me to get into an elite school.

Three months ago, I started dating a girl. I really do love her, but at the same time, I don't want to compromise my grades and disappoint my parents. I'm starting to see the effects this girl is having on my grades, and my parents have also noticed the drop. I haven't told them about her and have been seeing her secretly.

Should I tell my parents and ask for their advice -- which may mean an abrupt end to my relationship with the girl? Or should I try harder with my grades and continue the relationship at the same time? Is she worth the effort? This has been on my mind for two weeks. Please advise me. -- TORN IN TAIWAN

DEAR TORN: You appear to be intelligent and responsible. Although this girl is special to you, there is a lot at stake. Sneaking behind your parents' backs is neither a way to inspire confidence nor to show your maturity. Please level with them. You are all on the same team, and they might be more flexible than you think.

However, if they're not, then your education must come first. Your preparation for college won't last forever, and if you have something special with this girl, you can always pursue it later.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for the letter about hotel workers and how we're not baby sitters. You stated that we members of the hospitality industry make guests feel so "at home" that they "forget" they truly aren't. This is so true!

I am shocked how often parents leave young children in rooms unattended. They assume if the door locks behind them, the child is contained and safe. Not true! Many times, toddlers with limited speaking ability open the door and end up roaming the floor or the lobby. Once they're discovered, they can't tell us what room they came from or who their parents are. It's frustrating trying to locate the absent parents in the gym, spa, restaurant, shop or bar.

I want to make sure your message that hotel staff cannot be baby sitters and conduct business is repeated even more sternly. This includes parents who have left a child napping ("just for a minute!") and now the child awakens, frightened that Mommy and Daddy aren't there, and leaves the room to find them. Thank you, Abby! -- HOTELIER IN ORLANDO, FLA.

DEAR HOTELIER: When I printed that letter, I had no idea it would touch so many nerves. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I travel 10 to 12 times a year, and I can see what the writer is talking about at almost every hotel I stay in. I was in a hotel restaurant in Washington, D.C., recently. A couple had their 2-year-old with them. The child was running wild all over the restaurant, which had a large 2-foot-deep fountain next to it. The staff repeatedly requested that the parents keep their child near them and received no support.

Needless to say, the child wandered over the bridge by the fountain, crawled through the railings and fell in face first. (It was about 10 feet from where I was sitting.) I jumped in and pulled the kid out while the parents and staff just watched. Do you know those parents never even thanked me? They just took the child and finished eating! -- DAVID IN LAKE JACKSON, TEXAS

DEAR DAVID: Just when I think I've heard everything, I receive a letter like yours. That child may have been drenched, but the parents were all wet.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked at a hotel in northern Minnesota for three years. We often host kids' sports teams and their parents. The parents regard these tournament weekends as a private getaway and often leave their children alone in the hotel while they're out drinking and carousing. With no supervision, the children run up and down the halls, make noise and disturb other guests.

Thank you, Abby, for urging parents to pay more attention to how their children behave at hotels. It's not only for the benefit of other guests, but also for the safety of their young ones. -- DESK CLERK

DEAR DESK CLERK: You're welcome.

DEAR ABBY: Here's how the Atlantic City casinos dealt with the problem, which had become monumental. We had children crawling on the floors, running races, sleeping under shrubs -- you name it, we had it.

After some horrendous acts against children a few years back, rules were set up to deal with unattended juveniles. Signs were prominently posted that read, "We care. Unattended children will be turned over to the Atlantic City Police Department."

If, in a reasonable amount of time, the parent or guardian of the unattended child can't be located, the police are called and the child turned over to Youth and Family Services. The result? There are very few unattended juveniles roaming the casino lobbies or hallways. -- READER IN BRIGANTINE, N.J.

DEAR READER: An effective solution to a serious problem.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, I was out shopping when I got the urge to use the washroom. When I got there, the line was out the door. There was about a 10-minute wait.

As I finally neared the stall, the woman ahead of me in line began to bounce. I could empathize. But right before a stall became available, a woman in a wheelchair rolled in and parked next to us. (Of course, the handicap stall was the next one available.)

The person ahead of me began to walk forward, but the woman in the wheelchair became loud and belligerent about being handicapped, and claimed the stall. The woman in front of me and I just looked at each other -- and then she deferred to the individual in the wheelchair.

Please set me straight, Abby. Should a handicapped individual take precedence over a stall when the washroom line is long? -- MORALLY CONFUSED IN JOLIET, ILL.

DEAR CONFUSED: I'm overjoyed to set you straight. Handicapped stalls are set aside for people with disabilities to use because their wheelchairs will not fit into a regular stall. Without question, the person with the physical disability should have access to it first. Absolutely!

DEAR ABBY: Back in 1975, I was given a fabulous gift -- a bottle of Elvis Presley wine. His picture is on the bottle, and it says, "Always, Elvis -- Gold Record Edition Collector's Series I." It also says Frontenac Blanc D'Oro White Wine -- Product and Vineyards of Italy, imported by International Wine Co., Detroit, Mich.

It has never been opened, but I see the wine slowly evaporating. Do you think anyone would be interested in this bottle? -- DELORES IN HUDSON, FLA.

DEAR DELORES: I took your question to a cellar master/sommelier, who informs me that, because it's evaporating, your bottle of wine may no longer be drinkable -- even if it was stored properly.

However, you might offer the bottle of collector's wine on an auction site because it could interest a collector of Elvis memorabilia. (For example: eBay.) Good luck!

DEAR ABBY: I am 12 and in the eighth grade. I have thought about suicide many times, and earlier pulled out a knife and almost slit my wrists.

If I tell my parents, they won't believe me. They'll think I'm making it up to get attention. If I talk to the school counselor, she'll tell my parents for sure.

I'm afraid of myself when I'm home alone sometimes. Can you please help me? -- AFRAID OF MYSELF, PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR AFRAID: You need more help than anyone can give you in a letter. Preoccupation with suicide is serious and calls for help from a mental health professional.

Because you feel your parents may minimize the seriousness of your suicidal thoughts if you tell them, ask a trusted teacher or school counselor to help you. Perhaps if they hear it from another adult, your parents will treat the news with the seriousness it deserves.

Another option would be to call a crisis hotline when you are tempted to injure yourself. Just pick up the phone and ask the operator to connect you. I wish you luck and a speedy recovery from this illness.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)