DEAR ABBY: My mother died last December from internal bleeding. Against her wishes, I put her on a respirator. I wanted her to be around until all her family could be with her. I know that taking her off the respirator was the right thing to do. Five doctors said there was no hope. But I was looked down on by her brother and my sister. Everyone had me second-guessing myself.

My ex-husband agrees that what I did was right, because Mom wouldn't have wanted to survive with no quality of life.

My father has been ill for a long time, but recently has taken a turn for the worse. I'm doing the best I can to care for him and do the right thing, but it's like dealing with my mother's death all over again. My sister makes me feel like I'm trying to hurry Dad into the grave, but I don't feel that I am. Dad and Mom were married 51 years; he has been very lonely without her.

Dad suffers from lung cancer, congestive heart failure and poor circulation because of diabetes. My sister doesn't want to let him go, and I don't want him to linger. I want him to be happy and go in peace to where he wants to be.

I have arranged for hospice and we're keeping Dad medicated for comfort. But my sister thinks I'm keeping him drugged up to push him to die. I'm emotionally exhausted and tired of battling with my sister. I'm still mourning the loss of Mom. Can you give me some words of wisdom or help? –- HEARTBROKEN IN MISSOURI

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Assuming the role of head of the family is never easy, and my hat is off to you for stepping up to the plate as you have.

Your father could not have been placed in a hospice program unless his doctor(s) agreed that he has less than six months to live. Hospice assures that the time he has left will be spent as comfortably as possible, but it also does more than that. It offers spiritual counseling to the patient's family during their own time of need. I urge you to discuss with the hospice staff the pressure you're under, so that both you and your sister can receive some much-needed counseling and support. They can help the both of you through this transition. You have my sympathy.

Readers, for information about hospice, contact National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization at � HYPERLINK "http://www.caringinfo.org" ��www.caringinfo.org�, or call toll-free (800) 658-8898.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have three children, so our social life revolves mostly around them, our families and church. Although I am considered quite attractive, I always dress very conservatively.

My husband and I have planned a long, romantic weekend getaway at a resort about 300 miles from here. I have been considering wearing some sexy outfits when we go out to dinner and to the nightclub at the resort. Normally, I'd feel uncomfortable dressing "wild and sexy," but since it's highly unlikely that we'll run into anyone we know there, I think it would be fun. My husband always loved it when I wore miniskirts, so I know how he would feel about it.

Can you offer your opinion? I can't ask any of my friends about this because I'm afraid they might gossip about my private life. -- USUALLY SHY IN THE NORTHEAST

DEAR USUALLY SHY: I think your plan sounds great. Discuss it with your husband first, so the shock doesn't kill him. Then go and have a great time. And if, by chance, you should happen to encounter someone you know, remember you're a respectable married lady, and you have nothing to apologize for.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a married niece with a 4-month-old baby girl whom I love dearly. They have a medium-sized dog that they rescued from a shelter, and the dog is prone to attacking other dogs. For a time they considered returning the dog to the shelter, but now they have it trained quite well. It responds to voice commands, but is still aggressive, primarily to other dogs. On at least one occasion my niece and her husband have paid vet bills for dogs that have been injured.

This dog stays in the house with them and the baby, and my fear is that as the baby gets a little older, this dog may attack her.

I'm an emergency room nurse. I have seen the results of dog attacks on small children. Most of them were house pets with no history of aggressiveness. It seems the sounds a small child makes, combined with their normal, uncoordinated movement and grabbing, can mimic prey-like activity. The dogs, responding like the animals they are, attack. In one instance, the injured toddler died.

I have cautioned my niece and her husband not to let the dog lick (they say "kiss") the baby or let her play near the dog unsupervised, which they don't always do. Even on a leash, I have seen this dog lunge at another dog without warning. I fear for the safety of the child.

Please address this concern. My niece reads your column and may listen to you. Think I'm just an overly concerned aunt? -- DEEPLY CONCERNED IN EVANSTON, ILL.

DEAR CONCERNED: You are not "overly" concerned. Because of your experiences in the ER, you have seen firsthand the tragic result of this kind of negligence.

As much as your niece and her husband love their dog, they are barking up the wrong tree by leaving their baby alone with an animal that has shown aggressive tendencies. My experts tell me that small children should not be around animals unless supervised. Period. And as to kissing a baby's face -- let's just say that a dog's mouth is less than sanitary. I hope these new parents will rethink their stance on this subject.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Eve," and I have been married for 36 years. Our children are grown and flew the nest years ago.

I'm an avid ballroom dancer. Eve and I took lessons years ago and dance well together. However, she's no longer enthusiastic about dancing. Eve prefers playing contract bridge with her friends, and does so whenever she's invited. Some weeks she may be out playing two or three nights. She's an excellent player, and I'm glad she enjoys herself.

When I ask Eve out for a movie and dancing, she'll agree to the movie but not the dancing. I am tired of asking her and being refused, so when she declines, I go by myself and dance with other people. When I do, Eve lays a guilt trip on me, acts very jealous, and makes nasty comments about my going out and dancing with "sluts."

This is not accurate. I have always been a faithful husband. My dance partners are polite and nice, and I don't "hit on" them. Eve knows that. Of course, I'd prefer a night out dancing with the woman I love, and I constantly tell her so, but she won't let it happen. How should I handle this? -- SAD DANCER, PARIS, KY.

DEAR SAD: It would be nice if your wife would put your feelings first occasionally, but she doesn't appear to be that generous, and I don't have a magic wand that can change her. So handle the situation the way you have been, and when your wife tries to make you feel guilty, tune her out.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Ralph," has one sister, "Dawn," and one brother, "Curt." Their parents died six years ago, within months of each other.

Ever since, Dawn has once a year mentioned buying a headstone for their parents. I'm all for it, but Dawn is determined to spend a bundle on it, and she expects her brothers to help foot the bill. She recently told me she had put $2,000 aside to pay for it.

This morning Dawn called to announce that she had gone ahead, selected the design, written the epitaph and ordered the headstone. Now she expects Curt and Ralph to pay "their share" back to her. She said she went ahead and ordered it on her own because she has been feeling guilty all these years that her parents didn't have one.

I feel that since Dawn did this all by herself, her brothers shouldn't have to pay her anything. I know that if Curt and Ralph don't pay her back, they'll never hear the end of it, and neither will I. What should I do about this? -- ANNOYED IN INDIANA

DEAR ANNOYED: Nothing. If you're smart, you will keep your mouth shut and stay out of it. This should be settled by the "children" alone. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and in the eighth grade. I have always had trouble sleeping. Every night it takes me an hour to fall asleep, and lately I haven't been able to sleep at all. I have started taking pills that make you drowsy so I can get some sleep.

My mom doesn't know about the pills. I'm scared to keep on doing this. I have told my mom about my sleep problem, and she tells me to read. She won't take me to the doctor because she thinks my problem is normal. Abby, this isn't normal. What can I do? -- SLEEPLESS IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR SLEEPLESS: You are too young to be depending on sleep aids to help you rest. Please clip this item and give it to your mother. You should be evaluated by a sleep disorder specialist; your physician can refer you.

At your age, you should be getting at least eight hours of sleep a night to do your best in school. Whether you are really up the entire night or not, I am concerned about the quality of the sleep you're getting. I hope your mother will change her mind. If she doesn't, ask a trusted teacher at school or the mother of one of your friends to intercede with her on your behalf.

DEAR ABBY: Our office is small. There are only four of us, but "Chloe" is considered the office manager.

Abby, Chloe does nothing all day long but interrogate the three of us about our personal lives, and as soon as she finds out anything, she goes back into her office and calls her friends and relatives to tell them what she has found out. We feel obligated to answer her questions out of fear for our jobs.

What can I do or say to discourage her from asking this stuff? It's really getting bad, and even though I love my job, I'm almost to the point of quitting to get away from her constant prying. -- TIRED OF PRYING SNOOPS IN KANSAS

DEAR TIRED: I can think of a couple of ways to handle it. The first is, when Chloe starts asking personal questions, smile and tell her you have too much work to do to chat about personal matters. Then go back to what you were doing.

Alternatively, poll your co-workers and ask if they're as offended as you by her questions. If the answer is yes, the three of you should write a letter to your boss asking that he or she "counsel" the office manager to keep questions limited to business. The letter should be signed by all of you.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)