DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Ralph," has one sister, "Dawn," and one brother, "Curt." Their parents died six years ago, within months of each other.

Ever since, Dawn has once a year mentioned buying a headstone for their parents. I'm all for it, but Dawn is determined to spend a bundle on it, and she expects her brothers to help foot the bill. She recently told me she had put $2,000 aside to pay for it.

This morning Dawn called to announce that she had gone ahead, selected the design, written the epitaph and ordered the headstone. Now she expects Curt and Ralph to pay "their share" back to her. She said she went ahead and ordered it on her own because she has been feeling guilty all these years that her parents didn't have one.

I feel that since Dawn did this all by herself, her brothers shouldn't have to pay her anything. I know that if Curt and Ralph don't pay her back, they'll never hear the end of it, and neither will I. What should I do about this? -- ANNOYED IN INDIANA

DEAR ANNOYED: Nothing. If you're smart, you will keep your mouth shut and stay out of it. This should be settled by the "children" alone. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and in the eighth grade. I have always had trouble sleeping. Every night it takes me an hour to fall asleep, and lately I haven't been able to sleep at all. I have started taking pills that make you drowsy so I can get some sleep.

My mom doesn't know about the pills. I'm scared to keep on doing this. I have told my mom about my sleep problem, and she tells me to read. She won't take me to the doctor because she thinks my problem is normal. Abby, this isn't normal. What can I do? -- SLEEPLESS IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR SLEEPLESS: You are too young to be depending on sleep aids to help you rest. Please clip this item and give it to your mother. You should be evaluated by a sleep disorder specialist; your physician can refer you.

At your age, you should be getting at least eight hours of sleep a night to do your best in school. Whether you are really up the entire night or not, I am concerned about the quality of the sleep you're getting. I hope your mother will change her mind. If she doesn't, ask a trusted teacher at school or the mother of one of your friends to intercede with her on your behalf.

DEAR ABBY: Our office is small. There are only four of us, but "Chloe" is considered the office manager.

Abby, Chloe does nothing all day long but interrogate the three of us about our personal lives, and as soon as she finds out anything, she goes back into her office and calls her friends and relatives to tell them what she has found out. We feel obligated to answer her questions out of fear for our jobs.

What can I do or say to discourage her from asking this stuff? It's really getting bad, and even though I love my job, I'm almost to the point of quitting to get away from her constant prying. -- TIRED OF PRYING SNOOPS IN KANSAS

DEAR TIRED: I can think of a couple of ways to handle it. The first is, when Chloe starts asking personal questions, smile and tell her you have too much work to do to chat about personal matters. Then go back to what you were doing.

Alternatively, poll your co-workers and ask if they're as offended as you by her questions. If the answer is yes, the three of you should write a letter to your boss asking that he or she "counsel" the office manager to keep questions limited to business. The letter should be signed by all of you.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My late husband, "Luke," was born in Arkansas in 1944, a time when unwed mothers, abortion and child adoptions were spoken of only in private, if at all.

Luke died from leukemia 20 years ago. During his treatment, blood samples were taken from his mother and father as possible candidates for a bone marrow transplant. The testing revealed that his parents were not, in fact, his biological ones. In an effort to spare their feelings, Luke asked that neither I nor his siblings say anything to them.

My sons are men now. One of them suffers from paranoid schizophrenia. We would like to know, for both medical and personal reasons, who their biological grandparents are. At the same time, we're concerned about disregarding their father's wishes. Please help us decide what to do. -- STUCK IN NEVADA CITY

DEAR STUCK: I believe that everyone should have full and complete knowledge of his or her medical history. When a child is adopted, that information should be made available to the adoptive parents.

However, because your husband's parents may be unwilling or unable to cooperate, it may ease your mind to know that I took your question to a respected psychoanalyst who informs me that there is no clear-cut evidence that schizophrenia is genetic.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter "Cyndi" is being married this summer. She's in her late 30s and has never been married before. She owns her own home, and both she and her fiance have good jobs.

My husband and I are retired and live on a very modest income. We have very little discretionary money. We will be traveling from out of state for the wedding, and this in itself will be a financial hardship.

Should we be paying for some of the wedding expenses? No one has asked us to contribute, but I wonder if it is expected of us. What is customary in this situation? -- WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING

DEAR WANT: Although it used to be "customary" for the bride's parents to foot the bill for the wedding, with people postponing marriage until their late 20s and into their 30s, that is no longer the case. A wedding is a GIFT from the parents to the bride and groom, not a requirement. Because your daughter and her fiance are self-supporting and independent, they should pay for their wedding. Since attending the wedding is already a hardship for you, no more should be expected of you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl and, like a typical teen, I have some heavy stress in my life. My mom was badly injured in 9/11, and my parents are divorcing. This led me to try to relieve my stress by pulling out my eyebrows. As one could predict, they're now non-existent. I use eyebrow pencil so they look natural, but the hair-pulling has now become a habit.

I have learned to channel my stress through writing, singing and sports -- but I can't seem to stop pulling. I would like my eyebrows to grow back, but I just can't seem to stop. Telling myself to stop doesn't seem to work. Any suggestions? -- PLUCKED IN WOODBRIDGE, VA.

DEAR PLUCKED: The name for your problem is "trichotillomania." You are not the only person who has it; an estimated 1 percent to 2 percent of students either currently have trichotillomania or have a history of hair-pulling.

Because you are unable to stop, explain to your mother what is happening so an appointment can be scheduled for you with a psychologist. Once you understand what triggers your behavior, you'll be able to curb it.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a bed-and-breakfast owner. I have a strict two-week cancellation policy for reservations. I have just had a terrible experience with a guest who canceled five days before he was scheduled to arrive. Abby, I have only four guest rooms. When someone cancels on short notice, I am unable to resell the room in time, and I'm out one-quarter of my revenue for that night.

This particular guest had reserved a room for two nights. I told him he was responsible and tried to run the credit card he held the reservation with. It didn't work. (Big surprise!)

I am not out to make people's lives difficult, but if they don't want a reservation at an independent B&B, they shouldn't make one. Please spread the word about how this affects small-business people like me and many others. -- STIFFED IN ST. PAUL

DEAR STIFFED: I'll spread the word as requested, but perhaps you should count your blessings. If the card was no good, how would you have felt after feeding and lodging this boor for two days? In the future, you'd be wise to verify the credit-card number as soon as a reservation is made. It will save you a lot of grief.

DEAR ABBY: I am legally blind and wear sunglasses all the time. I completely understand children asking me why I'm wearing sunglasses, but I feel adults should know better. When a woman walks into a store with sunglasses and a white-tipped cane, isn't that obvious enough? But I am frequently asked smart questions like, "Are you famous or something?" or "Who are you hiding from?"

Please inform your readers that blind people are just like everyone else. We want to go to the store without being asked a thousand questions. -- FED UP IN ARLINGTON, TEXAS

DEAR FED UP: Most people understand that folks with dark glasses and white-tipped canes are blind. The individuals making those "cute" comments may have challenges of their own -- ignorance or a poor sense of humor.

As I see it, you have several choices in handling the situation. You can ask, "Why do you ask?" You can inform them that you are blind, or ignore them. Just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean you have to respond.

DEAR ABBY: A longtime friend, "Bernice," and I attend plays, concerts and book review meetings together. We live in a smallish city. Bernice never left this city and, therefore, she has many old friends, business associates, church colleagues, etc.

I lived in a large city and only recently moved back here. Whenever Bernice and I go to a function of any kind, she knows many people. She will stop and talk to these people, sometimes for as long as 15 minutes, while I stand and wait for her on the sidelines. Sometimes she will introduce me, but then they talk about their churches or business that I know nothing about.

This is the first time in my life I have been treated this way. Lately I have avoided going places with her. How should I handle this? -- LEFT OUT IN LAS CRUCES

DEAR LEFT OUT: If no one has informed Bernice that good manners dictate she introduce you when you go places together, it's time to tell her how uncomfortable you feel when you are excluded from the conversations. And if it continues, ask someone with more social sensitivity to accompany you to these functions.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)