DEAR ABBY: I'm a federal law enforcement officer and proud of my job. I have worked hard to get to this position, and I would like to live to retirement.

There are people in my community who know what I do for a living and feel compelled to tell everyone else. I don't wear a uniform, and I don't need everyone to know who I am. Many people would never guess what I do for a living, and that is fine with me. Let them assume that I'm a nurse, a secretary or a stay-at-home mom.

If I'm in a social situation off-duty such as a restaurant, school function, church or beauty salon, invariably someone will see me and announce for all to hear, "Do you have your gun in your purse?" or they'll call me by my job title.

I have asked them to please stop and just call me by name. They don't seem to get it. They could get me killed! I'm sure I speak for many other plainclothes officers. I may be having dinner with a friend, or I could be involved in an undercover operation and have my cover blown.

I deal with violent offenders who have family members and friends in the area. Those individuals may attend the same school as my child or the same church that I do. Please, Abby, ask your readers not to make our jobs more difficult than they already are. -- OFFICER ANYWHERE, U.S.A.

DEAR OFFICER ANYWHERE: Your letter is an important one, because I'm sure you're not the only officer of the law who has encountered this problem.

People may act this way because your profession seems glamorous and they want to appear to be "in the know." It could also be thoughtlessness or just plain stupidity. However, because the individuals you mentioned continue to do it despite having been asked not to, my advice is to remind them that there are legal penalties for endangering the life of a member of law enforcement, and if they don't "cease and desist" you will be forced to take the necessary steps to protect yourself.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column you advised the mother of a girl who had confided that she is gay and wants to come out, that homosexuality has "nothing to do with parenting and everything to do with genetics." You need to retract that statement. If you do not publicly admit your error, I will know you are a mouthpiece for the gay and lesbian crowd. -- LEONARD IN LYNCHBURG

DEAR LEONARD: If I did not believe with all my heart that what I wrote is true, I wouldn't have put my thoughts on paper. Homosexuality is simply a variant of sexual orientation. Those who claim it is "unnatural" should direct their attention to Dr. Joan Roughgarden, a biologist at Stanford University with a Ph.D. from Harvard, who states that more than 300 vertebrate species have been found to practice homosexuality. (A visit to any zoo might confirm it.) And while one gene may not be responsible for this variant, Italian researcher Andrea Camperio-Ciani of the University of Padua notes that research findings point to there being more than one "gay gene," and that the genetic factors linked to homosexuality in men are also linked to increased fertility in women.

I stand by my reply.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I had to write after reading the letter about "Granny Clair" who reeks of mothballs. My mother's home was also filled with mothballs. All her clothing smelled like mothballs, too. About 15 years ago, she experienced bad vertigo and nausea. One doctor told her it was her inner ear. Another told her it was her eyes.

Three years ago, we visited her in winter while the house was all closed up. One morning I awoke with so much dizziness and nausea I could hardly lift my head. When I returned to California, I mentioned it to my doctor, who told me I had been poisoned by the mothballs. Later, my mother had to move to a convalescent home. After six months of living there, her vertigo disappeared.

Please let people who use mothballs know they should be careful how they use them. We're lucky neither of us died from it. -- DARLENE IN MISSION VIEJO, CALIF.

DEAR DARLENE: Thank you for the warning. I'm sure more than a few people will be surprised to learn that mothballs can be toxic to humans. (I was.) Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm very concerned about that 75-year-old grandmother whose house is permeated with the smell of mothballs. The main component of mothballs is naphthalene, an aromatic hydrocarbon, which can cause all sorts of neurological problems, as well as hemolytic anemia, kidney and liver damage and cataracts. Remember, this is a poison that is meant to kill insects, and humans or other mammals are not immune to its effects.

Other aromatic hydrocarbons include benzene, gasoline, phenol, styrene, toluene and xylene, which are known to cause neurological damage.

I would not take Granny Claire to an ear, nose and throat specialist. I'd take her immediately to her internist and explain the situation so that the proper blood tests can be administered. -- WORRIED ABOUT GRANNY'S HEALTH IN IRVINE, CALIF.

DEAR WORRIED: Good grief! I will contact the woman's relative immediately and make sure that it's done.

DEAR ABBY: I'm deeply worried about the elderly woman who smells of mothballs. There are warnings on the container about their toxicity and the danger of too much exposure to the vapors, which she is receiving if her clothes aren't aired out thoroughly before they are worn. She may be unaware of the danger, and feel that "if a little is good, a lot is better," which is common in older people who are unaware of the downside of pesticides.

Maybe one of her trusted relatives can work with her to limit the mothball use to one closed trunk, and help her air out her house and clothing. If there is a moth problem, there are other less toxic ways to get rid of the pests.

Thanks for helping to educate a lot of people today. Pesticides, including such common "harmless" ones as mothballs, must be treated with respect. -- JERI, AN R.N. IN MICHIGAN

DEAR JERI: I learn from my readers every day. I'm pleased to help.

DEAR ABBY: I bought a rubber garbage container with a tight-fitting lid. I roll my clothes so they'll take less space and fill it halfway up. On top of them I place a sheet of fabric softener or perfumed soap bars. Then I put the remaining clothes into the container, top them with another sheet of fabric softener and put on the lid. I never find any insects or critters later. I am a contemporary of "Granny Claire's" and hope she'll take my advice. -- EVONNE IN DENVER

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DEAR ABBY: I'm in love with the perfect guy, but I have a gnawing worry. "Clayton" and I have been dating for three months. We're so convinced we are meant to be together forever that we have already announced our plans to marry in a few months.

So why the worry? Clayton has been married twice. Both marriages ended because he was unfaithful. Clayton swears he's a changed man. I believe him. He looks me in the eye and says I'm the one he has searched for and needed his entire life.

I am 30 and have never been married. I can hardly wait to have children with Clayton so we can raise them together. He's excited, too, which surprises me because he's in his mid-40s and has two teenagers. He's very active in their lives. (He and his wife parted amicably.)

I sometimes sense odd vibes from his co-workers and acquaintances, but I'm new in town and no one has come out and said anything about him. I did overhear one person comment as we passed by, "There goes the Casanova of Cleveland."

As I write this, I have even more doubts. Does it mean anything that I'm afraid to tell my father about Clayton's marital and sexual history for fear he won't understand? Please hurry your advice. -- CAN'T WAIT IN OHIO

DEAR CAN'T WAIT: You have been swept off your feet. When someone falls as hard and as fast as you have, emotions rule and it's difficult to think rationally. The "little questions" in the back of your mind are your common sense trying to break through the fog.

Although you say you're afraid to tell your father about your boyfriend's history for fear "he won't understand," I suspect the opposite is true. You're afraid he WILL understand. And while no one has said anything directly to you about Clayton, the comment "There goes the Casanova of Cleveland" carries a pretty direct message.

My advice is to slow down, become engaged for a year, and get to know Clayton much better before rushing to the altar. And please don't try to keep secrets from your father. When someone is as famous -- or infamous -- as Clayton has made himself, the truth has a way of coming out.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in the 10th grade. Academics are important to me, but so are my friends and hobbies. I'm a member of the rowing team, which practices every morning at 5 a.m., and two days after school. That means I have to wake up at 4 a.m. to get to practice on time.

I love my crew, but it has taken over my life completely. I fall asleep in class and am too tired to do anything with my girlfriends, plus when I'm not rowing I'm too busy catching up with schoolwork to do anything fun. I feel like I'm missing out on my own life.

I can't miss practice because that would let the girls on my team down and disappoint my coach, plus it would make my teammates' goals unattainable. I feel trapped, Abby. Quitting is unthinkable; rowing is my life right now. But I also want to have more of a "teenage" experience while I still can. -- TRAPPED IN MY SPORT IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TRAPPED: You ARE having a teenage experience. Because you have not learned to budget your time, you have overextended yourself. Please discuss this with your teachers and your parents, because you have some important decisions to make. Your studies must take precedence over your sport, because if they don't, you'll find yourself paddling upstream alone when it's time for college.

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