DEAR ABBY: I'm in love with the perfect guy, but I have a gnawing worry. "Clayton" and I have been dating for three months. We're so convinced we are meant to be together forever that we have already announced our plans to marry in a few months.

So why the worry? Clayton has been married twice. Both marriages ended because he was unfaithful. Clayton swears he's a changed man. I believe him. He looks me in the eye and says I'm the one he has searched for and needed his entire life.

I am 30 and have never been married. I can hardly wait to have children with Clayton so we can raise them together. He's excited, too, which surprises me because he's in his mid-40s and has two teenagers. He's very active in their lives. (He and his wife parted amicably.)

I sometimes sense odd vibes from his co-workers and acquaintances, but I'm new in town and no one has come out and said anything about him. I did overhear one person comment as we passed by, "There goes the Casanova of Cleveland."

As I write this, I have even more doubts. Does it mean anything that I'm afraid to tell my father about Clayton's marital and sexual history for fear he won't understand? Please hurry your advice. -- CAN'T WAIT IN OHIO

DEAR CAN'T WAIT: You have been swept off your feet. When someone falls as hard and as fast as you have, emotions rule and it's difficult to think rationally. The "little questions" in the back of your mind are your common sense trying to break through the fog.

Although you say you're afraid to tell your father about your boyfriend's history for fear "he won't understand," I suspect the opposite is true. You're afraid he WILL understand. And while no one has said anything directly to you about Clayton, the comment "There goes the Casanova of Cleveland" carries a pretty direct message.

My advice is to slow down, become engaged for a year, and get to know Clayton much better before rushing to the altar. And please don't try to keep secrets from your father. When someone is as famous -- or infamous -- as Clayton has made himself, the truth has a way of coming out.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in the 10th grade. Academics are important to me, but so are my friends and hobbies. I'm a member of the rowing team, which practices every morning at 5 a.m., and two days after school. That means I have to wake up at 4 a.m. to get to practice on time.

I love my crew, but it has taken over my life completely. I fall asleep in class and am too tired to do anything with my girlfriends, plus when I'm not rowing I'm too busy catching up with schoolwork to do anything fun. I feel like I'm missing out on my own life.

I can't miss practice because that would let the girls on my team down and disappoint my coach, plus it would make my teammates' goals unattainable. I feel trapped, Abby. Quitting is unthinkable; rowing is my life right now. But I also want to have more of a "teenage" experience while I still can. -- TRAPPED IN MY SPORT IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TRAPPED: You ARE having a teenage experience. Because you have not learned to budget your time, you have overextended yourself. Please discuss this with your teachers and your parents, because you have some important decisions to make. Your studies must take precedence over your sport, because if they don't, you'll find yourself paddling upstream alone when it's time for college.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I went to a funeral to pay our respects to our neighbor and his family for the loss of his father. I had met the parents on a few prior occasions; my husband had not.

As I was expressing my sympathy and talking with the widow about her husband and their life together, she became a little teary-eyed -- so I continued to stand with her and hold her hand and speak with her. The incident lasted about two or three minutes.

My husband feels I should have only expressed my condolences and quickly moved on. I am mortified that I may have done something inappropriate and caused this woman pain. What should I have done? -- WONDERING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WONDERING: A funeral is not an assembly line. You did the right thing by taking the widow's hand, expressing your condolences, and allowing her to share her feelings. Your husband may have been embarrassed by the grieving woman's display of emotions, but that is his problem, so please don't allow him to make it yours.

DEAR ABBY: I have a mondo problem. I think my mom doesn't like me anymore. When I fell off my bike head-first without a helmet, she said I was "overdramatic."

I have fallen down 18 feet of stairs four times, and my dad was the only one who helped me. Sometimes my mom is really nice, but I am a little scared of her.

I would tell her myself, but I am 12 and still very sensitive. Please help. -- SCARED GIRL IN NASHVILLE

DEAR SCARED: Please clip this from the newspaper and put it on your mother's pillow:

DEAR MOTHER: Your little girl is either accident-prone or trying to get your attention. Please put forth a little more effort to show her you love her. A hug would be a good way to start. And because she will soon be a young woman, giving her a little more time would be greatly beneficial. She needs you very much, and it's sad that she had to do it through me.

DEAR ABBY: We have two beloved (deceased) pets -- a rabbit and a bird, buried in our back yard. Within the next two to five years, we plan to sell our house and move out of state.

What should we do about the pets we have buried in our yard? Should we leave their remains and just take along their plaques -- or take their remains and bury them at our new residence? This may seem like a silly question, but I'm terribly concerned. -- BRENDA IN LAKELAND, FLA.

DEAR BRENDA: No question that's sincere is "silly."

While some readers may disagree, I think you would be doing all involved a favor to leave the remains where they are. Your present home is the place where your pets lived full and happy lives -- and that is where their little spirits should remain, free to frolic forever.

DEAR ABBY: I want to know if you can become addicted to drugs by having sex with an addict.

Please don't print my name because I live in a small, conservative community in Ohio. -- NAMELESS IN A RED STATE

DEAR NAMELESS: Although you cannot become addicted to drugs by having sex with an addict, you CAN become addicted to drugs if you hang around with addicts and frequent places where drugs are easily available. (This is one of those situations where you should "just say no" and avoid temptation.)

CONFIDENTIAL TO PAULINE PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy Mother's Day, Mom! With all my love ... Jeanne, your firstborn.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I can't seem to get my brother-in-law to stop making vulgar comments to me. When he started dating my sister, I was right out of high school, and he would make comments and I'd just laugh them off. I am now in my 30s, and he still comments on my breast size, etc. When he does it, I tell him how disgusting it is and he laughs.

I don't understand it. My sister and I are years apart. She's the most gorgeous woman I know. She's built like a model, so it confuses me that he says these things. He never makes the comments in front of anyone, just when I'm alone or if I happen to answer the phone. I don't know how to handle this. Should I tell my sister or my boyfriend? Please help. -- ENOUGH ALREADY IN CALIF.

DEAR ENOUGH ALREADY: First, speak up and inform your verbal abuser (because that's what he is) that you want the comments stopped immediately, or you will tell your sister. If he persists, describe to her what he has been saying and how uncomfortable it makes you feel. Your brother-in-law may think he's being witty and clever and that you're enjoying his comments. So straighten him out -- and make sure he knows there will be consequences if he doesn't knock it off.

DEAR ABBY: I am heartsick as I write this. I have just lost the closest thing in this world to me outside my immediate family. I just buried my sweetie-pie Sandy, an Amazon parrot I have had for 26 years. That's longer than my two sons lived with me.

Sandy died because I burned a Teflon pan, and learned the hard way that Teflon fumes are deadly to birds. (They can also be harmful to small children.)

Bird owners, if you're considering buying a Teflon product, please reconsider. If you own one, get rid of it. If I can save just one person the grief I'm going through, it will make me feel better. Yes, I know I'll get over this -- but it won't be easy. -- BOB IN ATLANTA

DEAR BOB: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your pet. I'm sure this experience has been painful for you. I am printing your letter as a warning to other bird owners, as well as parents of small children. Thank you for writing.

DEAR ABBY: I am 18 and have been dating a good-looking, polite, wonderful guy I'll call "Lance." I want a bright future with a family while I'm young, so my kids will have young grandparents. My problem is that Lance, who is 20, is lazy. He flunked his junior college courses.

I am a good student, and I'm surrounded every day by engineers and pre-med guys who show an interest in me. I have warned Lance that he needs to grow up, but he pays no attention. Although he may be a late bloomer, I don't want to raise my kids in a financially unstable setting if he doesn't change.

Should I dump Lance, or try to mold him into being ambitious? What is the wisest thing to do while I'm still attractive and have options? -- WAFFLING IN HOUSTON

DEAR WAFFLING: Ambition and drive are qualities that come from within. You can't mold somebody into being ambitious.

If you're looking for someone who's a ball of fire, face it -- it's not the man you're dating. Tell Lance it's time you both began dating others. From the tone of your letter, it's what you really want to do.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)