DEAR ABBY: My husband and I went to a funeral to pay our respects to our neighbor and his family for the loss of his father. I had met the parents on a few prior occasions; my husband had not.

As I was expressing my sympathy and talking with the widow about her husband and their life together, she became a little teary-eyed -- so I continued to stand with her and hold her hand and speak with her. The incident lasted about two or three minutes.

My husband feels I should have only expressed my condolences and quickly moved on. I am mortified that I may have done something inappropriate and caused this woman pain. What should I have done? -- WONDERING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WONDERING: A funeral is not an assembly line. You did the right thing by taking the widow's hand, expressing your condolences, and allowing her to share her feelings. Your husband may have been embarrassed by the grieving woman's display of emotions, but that is his problem, so please don't allow him to make it yours.

DEAR ABBY: I have a mondo problem. I think my mom doesn't like me anymore. When I fell off my bike head-first without a helmet, she said I was "overdramatic."

I have fallen down 18 feet of stairs four times, and my dad was the only one who helped me. Sometimes my mom is really nice, but I am a little scared of her.

I would tell her myself, but I am 12 and still very sensitive. Please help. -- SCARED GIRL IN NASHVILLE

DEAR SCARED: Please clip this from the newspaper and put it on your mother's pillow:

DEAR MOTHER: Your little girl is either accident-prone or trying to get your attention. Please put forth a little more effort to show her you love her. A hug would be a good way to start. And because she will soon be a young woman, giving her a little more time would be greatly beneficial. She needs you very much, and it's sad that she had to do it through me.

DEAR ABBY: We have two beloved (deceased) pets -- a rabbit and a bird, buried in our back yard. Within the next two to five years, we plan to sell our house and move out of state.

What should we do about the pets we have buried in our yard? Should we leave their remains and just take along their plaques -- or take their remains and bury them at our new residence? This may seem like a silly question, but I'm terribly concerned. -- BRENDA IN LAKELAND, FLA.

DEAR BRENDA: No question that's sincere is "silly."

While some readers may disagree, I think you would be doing all involved a favor to leave the remains where they are. Your present home is the place where your pets lived full and happy lives -- and that is where their little spirits should remain, free to frolic forever.

DEAR ABBY: I want to know if you can become addicted to drugs by having sex with an addict.

Please don't print my name because I live in a small, conservative community in Ohio. -- NAMELESS IN A RED STATE

DEAR NAMELESS: Although you cannot become addicted to drugs by having sex with an addict, you CAN become addicted to drugs if you hang around with addicts and frequent places where drugs are easily available. (This is one of those situations where you should "just say no" and avoid temptation.)

CONFIDENTIAL TO PAULINE PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy Mother's Day, Mom! With all my love ... Jeanne, your firstborn.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I can't seem to get my brother-in-law to stop making vulgar comments to me. When he started dating my sister, I was right out of high school, and he would make comments and I'd just laugh them off. I am now in my 30s, and he still comments on my breast size, etc. When he does it, I tell him how disgusting it is and he laughs.

I don't understand it. My sister and I are years apart. She's the most gorgeous woman I know. She's built like a model, so it confuses me that he says these things. He never makes the comments in front of anyone, just when I'm alone or if I happen to answer the phone. I don't know how to handle this. Should I tell my sister or my boyfriend? Please help. -- ENOUGH ALREADY IN CALIF.

DEAR ENOUGH ALREADY: First, speak up and inform your verbal abuser (because that's what he is) that you want the comments stopped immediately, or you will tell your sister. If he persists, describe to her what he has been saying and how uncomfortable it makes you feel. Your brother-in-law may think he's being witty and clever and that you're enjoying his comments. So straighten him out -- and make sure he knows there will be consequences if he doesn't knock it off.

DEAR ABBY: I am heartsick as I write this. I have just lost the closest thing in this world to me outside my immediate family. I just buried my sweetie-pie Sandy, an Amazon parrot I have had for 26 years. That's longer than my two sons lived with me.

Sandy died because I burned a Teflon pan, and learned the hard way that Teflon fumes are deadly to birds. (They can also be harmful to small children.)

Bird owners, if you're considering buying a Teflon product, please reconsider. If you own one, get rid of it. If I can save just one person the grief I'm going through, it will make me feel better. Yes, I know I'll get over this -- but it won't be easy. -- BOB IN ATLANTA

DEAR BOB: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your pet. I'm sure this experience has been painful for you. I am printing your letter as a warning to other bird owners, as well as parents of small children. Thank you for writing.

DEAR ABBY: I am 18 and have been dating a good-looking, polite, wonderful guy I'll call "Lance." I want a bright future with a family while I'm young, so my kids will have young grandparents. My problem is that Lance, who is 20, is lazy. He flunked his junior college courses.

I am a good student, and I'm surrounded every day by engineers and pre-med guys who show an interest in me. I have warned Lance that he needs to grow up, but he pays no attention. Although he may be a late bloomer, I don't want to raise my kids in a financially unstable setting if he doesn't change.

Should I dump Lance, or try to mold him into being ambitious? What is the wisest thing to do while I'm still attractive and have options? -- WAFFLING IN HOUSTON

DEAR WAFFLING: Ambition and drive are qualities that come from within. You can't mold somebody into being ambitious.

If you're looking for someone who's a ball of fire, face it -- it's not the man you're dating. Tell Lance it's time you both began dating others. From the tone of your letter, it's what you really want to do.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Andrew" for four years. It's my second marriage and his third. Two months after our wedding, Andrew was diagnosed with colon cancer. I stood by his side and supported him even though his family did not help me.

Andrew was in remission for three years, during which he was abusive physically, mentally and emotionally. I wanted to take my children and leave -- but six months ago he was diagnosed with liver cancer. I couldn't leave him alone at a time like that, so I decided to stay.

Since then, Andrew has twice threatened to kill himself and take me with him. I'm scared, but I'm afraid to leave him alone because he is my husband. He wants nothing to do with counseling.

During one of his appointments, I learned that he had hepatitis and didn't tell me. (I have since had myself and the children checked, and we are fine.) I no longer trust Andrew, and I'm afraid to sleep at night. My children now live with my mother, who is not far away. He has done many other things to make me not trust him any longer. His family is no help. Should I stay and continue to be supportive? Please help me. -- EXHAUSTED AND SLEEPLESS IN LA

DEAR EXHAUSTED: Schedule an appointment with your husband's doctor and tell him or her what you have told me. Other arrangements should be made for his care. He appears to be mentally unbalanced, and he could attempt to carry out his threat. Unless you are willing to risk your children being left with no mother, you will do this for their sakes, not to mention your own.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a new clerical job for only a few weeks. I type a lot of handwritten drafts for my computer-illiterate boss. While typing, I have noticed that the grammar he uses for in-house correspondence is less than stellar. I correct small mistakes where necessary, but I'm uncomfortable with changing sentence structure or reshaping paragraphs, although my boss's writing could benefit from it. If I could edit as I please, his correspondence would be more concise and easier to read.

Should I bother to correct his mistakes, aside from spelling and verb tense? The public doesn't see any of this, and everyone here is already aware of his writing style. What will make him look worse -- poor grammar, or a sudden, inexplicable improvement that seemed to arrive with his new secretary? What will make me look worse -- letting this slide, or appearing uppity?

Also, if I should be reworking his drafts, how should I broach the subject of asking permission to do so? He's very casual as far as bosses go, but I don't want to cause embarrassment by pointing out that I have stronger writing skills. -- GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT: I see nothing uppity or embarrassing in saying to an employer that English grammar is your strong suit and asking if he would mind if you rework his correspondence -- as long as he reviews any draft before it is sent out. Bosses usually value employees who make them look better than they actually are.

DEAR ABBY: Would you please give me your definition of maturity? Thank you in advance. -- WONDERING IN WOODBURY

DEAR WONDERING: Maturity is the ability to control our impulses, to think beyond the moment, and consider how our words and our actions will affect ourselves and others before we act.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)