DEAR ABBY: A woman I'll call "Millie" has been like a second mother to me. Millie has been with "Jack" for a long time. When I was little, Jack fondled me, but I never told anyone.

Seven years ago, Jack was convicted of child molestation. He has just been released from prison.

I'm being married in October, and Millie plans to bring Jack to my wedding. Should I tell people with small children that he's a pedophile, or should I ask Millie not to bring him? She would prefer I not tell anyone that he's a pedophile.

My fiance doesn't want him there, and I'm having a hard time deciding what to do. Any help you could offer would be greatly appreciated. -- BRIDE-TO-BE, BERWICK, PA.

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: Allow me to make the decision for you. Tell your "second mother" that Jack victimized you when you were little, and he's not welcome at your wedding, because neither you nor your fiance wants him there. Child molesters are supposed to avoid places where there are small children, and he probably shouldn't be there, anyway.

Now that he's out of prison, Jack should be listed on your state's sex-offender Web site. However, to make absolutely certain he doesn't take advantage of any children in your family, their parents should be warned. Had your parents been warned, you might have been spared.

DEAR ABBY: I am a counselor and never thought I'd need to write to Dear Abby, but this one has me stumped. Two days before my 83-year-old mother died, Dad called her younger sister, "Aunt Betty," to let her know that Mom's death was imminent. During that conversation, Aunt Betty told him my mother had "run around" as a girl, caused problems for the family, and had sex with several boys in her school. Dad was devastated at this news.

It is now a year and a half later, and Daddy is still depressed about this. He's very angry at Aunt Betty, and so am I. She did a terrible thing, revealing these secrets when her sister was literally on her deathbed. Aunt Betty justified it by saying "the truth" should come out.

I have tried to let this go, but I'm so angry at her that I think I should tell her how deeply her words have affected us. What do you think? -- RESENTFUL IN OREGON

DEAR RESENTFUL: If I thought the scolding would do any good, I'd say go ahead, but I don't think it will. That your mother's sister would seek to tarnish her memory shows how jealous and resentful your aunt was of your mother. What makes you think it's true just because she said it? Your mother was a good wife and loving mother, and whatever might have happened before is unimportant. I recommend a hefty dose of amnesia: Forget your mother ever had a sister. Both you and your father will be happier.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are going head-to-head about whose name should appear first on letters, address labels, etc. We live together but are not engaged, and we send out cards as well as receive them from couples in similar circumstances.

I believe the woman's name should come first, but he says the man's name should be first whether you're dating, engaged or married. Who is right? -- NEEDS TO BE SURE, WALDORF, MD.

DEAR NEEDS TO BE SURE: According to the 16th edition of Emily Post's Etiquette, you are correct. Not only should the woman's name come first, it should be written on the line above the man's.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and thinking of running away. The reason is, my mother doesn't want me, my brothers or my dad. She's selling our house so she can go and live with her mother, and so Dad and we kids can live with my dad's mother. Abby, she wants to divorce my father, and she doesn't care that she's hurting us.

My brothers don't quite understand what's going on. They are hurt when they tell Mother that they love her and she doesn't answer back. I can't stand it!

All I want is for our family to stay together. How can I let my mother know how much she's hurting me? She has never been an understanding person, and I know she'll fly off the handle if I tell her, but I still want to. What can I tell her? -- RUNNING AWAY IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR RUNNING AWAY: I don't know what has broken up your parents' marriage, but I can guarantee you that it has nothing to do with you and your siblings. You need answers, and you are entitled to have them. It is important that you talk to your mother. Tell her that you love her and are very hurt and confused, and that you need her to help you understand why all this is happening. Believe me, it is not that she doesn't love you. She may be ill or unable to properly take care of you.

DEAR ABBY: Is it absolutely necessary for a married person to wear a wedding ring? I am an independent woman with my own career in a technical and demanding field. I will never be a "traditional" wife. In fact, I resent the stereotyped gender roles that traditional marriage represents. Furthermore, I detest wearing rings in general. I find them uncomfortable and itchy.

I have brushed up against engagement before and have not been able to think of a solution. I value the idea of marriage as a partnership that should be honored. It's just that the traditional assumptions of others make my skin crawl, and so do rings in general.

There must be other women -- or men -- out there with this problem. What would you suggest? -- FREE SOUL IN TEMPE, ARIZ.

DEAR FREE SOUL: Although wearing a ring when someone is in an official relationship (engaged, married) is customary, no law demands it. If the idea of the piece of jewelry is what bothers you, take your lead from some of the celebrities who have had theirs tattooed on.

However, if your reluctance is caused by what the ring symbolizes, then you are either going to have to find a mate with feelings similar to your own or not get married.

DEAR ABBY: What is proper etiquette when someone has been staring at you in a restaurant or at an event? It makes me uncomfortable when I'm in a situation -- like a social or networking event -- where I can't leave. Usually, when I'm alone or with another person, I'll just move away. But there have been times when I find myself trapped. Should I ask the person staring at me, "How can I help you?" I can ignore being stared at for five or 10 minutes, but on occasion it has lasted for an hour or more. -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN HAWAII

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: I prefer the direct approach. Say to the person, "I've noticed that you have been looking at me. Is there a reason?"

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 46-year-old man who has been married for 29 years. I was a father at 18, and have been with "Barbara" ever since because I felt obligated to her and the kids. Our children are grown now, and I am still with her.

Frankly, what we have is more like a chore than a marriage. I won't even go into what I think about her family. I wish I could change and try to love her, but it has reached the point where I make excuses not to have sex. Even when Barbara calls me "Honey," it turns my stomach.

My wife is a good person, and I wish I had it in me to say I love her, but it's just not there. I am repelled emotionally and physically.

I am confused and don't want to hurt Barbara, but I can't say the words or go through the motions. I'd like us to be friends, and I'll live with her as long as she wants. We have discussed it, and she says she will never leave me or divorce me. What should I do? I'm ... A MESS IN COOPERSBURG, PA.

DEAR MESS: If you are asking me to give you permission to leave a woman who has given birth to and raised your children, and tried to be a good wife to you, I can't do it. You're already living with her as "friends." It's time to recognize that there will be a high price for what you have in mind, and you must decide if it's worth it. Counseling might help you.

DEAR ABBY: I have lived with my boyfriend for five years. "Brian" is a good man and a decent boyfriend. I get along well with his family and particularly his mom. Brian is sweet, sensitive and, for the most part, very laid-back.

My problem is Brian's temper. Although he has never physically abused me, when he gets angry, he completely loses control. He breaks things like phones, radios, doors and anything else around him. It is terrifying to watch. During those times, saying anything to him only makes it worse. Once I tried going out when it happened, and he broke the phone. After these episodes he's always terribly sorry and feels horrible.

I love him and don't want to leave him, but I'm beginning to question how this is affecting me. Abby, is this abusive behavior, and what can I do to help him regain control of his anger? -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN PHILLY

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: Pack your bags and leave now. If you don't, your "sweet, sensitive, laid-back" boyfriend's outbursts will escalate until he hurts you -- or the child you could have together if you stay. You cannot help your boyfriend regain control of his anger -- only HE can do that, with professional help. His destructiveness is intended to intimidate you. Please don't tolerate it out of naivete and affection for his family, because without serious help it will only get worse.

P.S. If there is any chance he could lose control when he knows you are going, either do it while he's out or have a male family member with you.

DEAR ABBY: I have a slight tremor in my right hand, which makes my handwriting all but impossible to read. (Sometimes I even have trouble deciphering what I have written!)

When writing personal notes such as thank-yous or condolences, I use a script font on my word processor. I always close with my handwritten signature. Is it necessary to make a brief apology for this social indiscretion? -- PETER IN GRASS VALLEY, CALIF.

DEAR PETER: I see no reason to apologize. I'm sure the recipient of your thank-you or condolence is grateful for your acknowledgment, whether it is handwritten or typed.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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