DEAR ABBY: I am a safety engineer with the Federal Highway Administration. Because our nation is committed to maintaining its roads and highways, there is an enormous amount of continued road maintenance and reconstruction going on in every state. Much of the work is done at night in order to reduce traffic congestion, which means that our workers are harder to see, and driving through a work zone can be more difficult.

During the period from 1998 to 2002, the number of people killed on foot and in motor vehicle accidents in work zones went from 722 to a high of 1,181 -- with more than 52,000 seriously injured in 2002. The good news is, in 2003, with more emphasis on work zones, the number of fatalities dropped to 1,028 and serious injuries to 41,239. We would like to continue that downward trend.

Please remind everyone who is traveling through a work zone to be extra-attentive to his or her speed, the current road conditions, changing traffic patterns and our highway workers. Safety is everyone's responsibility. Lives can be saved if motorists do their part. -- KENNETH J. KOCHEVAR, SACRAMENTO, CALIF.

DEAR KENNETH: I'm glad to do my part. The deaths and injuries you described are preventable. Remember, folks, these workers are on the job to make your travel safe, efficient and smooth. They may be just a few feet on the other side of those orange cones or barriers.

Some safety tips for driving in work zones:

(1) Slow down! Speeding is one of the major causes of work-zone accidents.

(2) Expect the unexpected, including altered traffic lanes.

(3) Don't tailgate. The most common crash in a highway work zone is a rear-end collision because someone was driving too close to the car in front.

(4) Keep your vehicle a safe distance from the construction workers and their equipment.

(5) Obey road-crew flaggers, and pay attention to the signs.

(6) Stay alert and minimize distractions. (This means talking on cell phones or changing radio stations.)

(7) Plan ahead. The National Work Zone Safety Information Clearinghouse, http://wzsafety.tamu.edu, posts links to information on work-zone delays throughout the country. If you know road work is being done in your area, allow enough time to drive safely to your destination, and check radio, TV and Web sites for traffic updates before you hit the road.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single male in my 50s, and I have met a lady I'm getting along with very well. We both agree that a relationship must be built on honesty, among other things.

When is the proper time to make a complete health disclosure? I am on medication for high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes. All these are under control because of the medications. I certainly plan to tell her about these things, but I don't want to scare her off by telling her too soon, or appear deceptive by waiting too long. What's your advice on this matter? -- HONEST IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR HONEST: When your relationship progresses to the point that you are spending extended periods of time together, it will become apparent that you are taking certain medications. If she asks you about them, answer her questions honestly. If she does not ask, discuss your medical history with her before you propose marriage, because at that time it could affect her decision.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I both have professional jobs and share housework. I do all the laundry, she does all the cooking, and we share the cleaning. That's not the problem. The problem is our 7-year-old daughter "Vanessa's" habit of changing clothes whenever she feels the urge.

My logic says that by the end of the week, Vanessa should have seven dirty outfits -– one or two outfits of deviation is acceptable to me. However, that's not the case. Every week, it seems like I wash Vanessa's entire wardrobe! My wife says, "That's what little girls do."

Abby, I was raised with three brothers and my wife was raised with three sisters, so she has more experience than I do. Experience aside, I feel Vanessa needs to be talked to about not changing so often –- or at least putting an outfit back in the drawer if it has only been worn an hour or two. Help! –- LORD OF THE LAUNDRY, ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR LORD OF THE LAUNDRY: Glad to. At 7, your royal child is old enough to have responsibilities of her own in your castle. It's time she started helping you in the laundering department. Once Vanessa realizes that her clean clothes are a result of someone's effort and do not magically appear in her bureau, she may be more cooperative.

DEAR ABBY: A few days ago, "Deanna," my girlfriend of 3 1/2 years, told me she wanted to break up. Then we got into a serious fight and I lost my temper big time. I never hit her, but I did throw some things. She got really scared because I used to black out when I got that mad. It's the first time in three years that I was ever that mad.

Deanna went to stay with her mom because she said she was afraid of me. We have since talked a little, and she says she still cares about me. We both said a lot of things we didn't mean, and I don't know how to explain myself.

I have since started seeing a counselor to control my temper. But Deanna is giving me mixed signals about what she wants. This is making me severely depressed and I don't know what to do. Can you please help me? I love her more than anything in the world. -- DEEPLY DEPRESSED IN OHIO

DEAR DEEPLY DEPRESSED: It's an intelligent person who recognizes that he has a problem and takes steps to do something about it. I commend you for getting professional help.

It is possible for two people who love each other to bring out the worst in each other rather than the best. When a longtime girlfriend says she wants to break up, and then follows it up by saying she "cares about you" rather than loves you, the romance is usually over.

Before trying to pursue this woman any further, you should discuss the entire situation with your counselor.

DEAR ABBY: The man I was engaged to for one year died suddenly. I'm wondering if it's OK to continue wearing my engagement ring. If so, for how long? -- GRIEVING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR GRIEVING: Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. Although your engagement is over, you may continue to wear the ring as long as you wish. When you are ready to date again, either wear the ring on your right hand or have the stone reset into another piece of jewelry.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter about the grandmother who was angry because her grandson Adam didn't bring her a souvenir T-shirt when he came home on leave from Iraq left me stunned. I can't believe a so-called adult would act that way. This young man is putting his life on the line for his country, and all she can think about is whether he brought her a souvenir?

Please give that woman a message for me: "Grandma, you DID get something. You got two weeks with your grandson, and you messed it up with your immaturity! Grow up and get a life!"

Thanks for reading this, Abby. I'm sure you got a lot of responses to that letter. -– NICOLE IN GRAYSON, GA.

DEAR NICOLE: I certainly did. That letter made a lot of readers see red, and I was flooded with mail. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When my nephew was serving as a Marine in Iraq, I wrote him every week. I didn't expect to get any letters back, and didn't care if he never acknowledged the packages we sent. (He did send two letters, for which I am exceedingly grateful.) All I cared about was my nephew's safe return home.

Ironically, the same edition of the newspaper that featured the letter about that grandmother also featured my nephew's photo on the front page. He was killed by enemy fire in a town far away from his beloved Vermont.

That greedy woman obviously has no clue what those soldiers are experiencing. They need understanding and supportive family members. They need love without strings.

To the grandmother who thought a T-shirt was more important than her grandson, I would say, "You deserve a T-shirt that reads, 'I am a SELFISH MORON!'" -– and pray that no folded flag "souvenir" ever graces that young man's home. –- PROUD, GRIEVING AUNT IN VERMONT

DEAR AUNT: Amen. Please accept my profound sympathy for your family's loss.

DEAR ABBY: A tendency to become angry over nothing can be a sign of the onset of dementia. There can be no other excuse for the greed, insensitivity and utterly disgraceful attitude that grandmother has exhibited. She should be down on her knees thanking the Lord, just as my mother did when I returned from combat, that her "souvenir" wasn't a body bag. -– MATT IN POST FALLS, IDAHO

DEAR MATT: Several other readers also suggested that the grandmother might be becoming senile. I hadn't thought of that angle. Thank you for pointing it out.

DEAR ABBY: Adam's grandmother should consult her dictionary. GIFT: something bestowed or acquired without being sought or earned by the receiver.

That young man should send his grandmother a box of camel dung. When my daughter was in the desert, she said it was plentiful and easily accessible. –- PROUD MOM, FORKS, WASH.

DEAR MOM: In other words, "Sweets for the sweet."

DEAR ABBY: I'm a flight attendant who flies these heroes to and from the conflict. Let me set the record straight on behalf of these soldiers. They are not allowed the regular checked baggage allowance set by the airlines. The armed forces allow these men and women to take only what can fit in a duffle bag, plus their weapons and safety gear. -– FLIGHT ATTENDANT IN ILLINOIS

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)