DEAR ABBY: The letter about the grandmother who was angry because her grandson Adam didn't bring her a souvenir T-shirt when he came home on leave from Iraq left me stunned. I can't believe a so-called adult would act that way. This young man is putting his life on the line for his country, and all she can think about is whether he brought her a souvenir?

Please give that woman a message for me: "Grandma, you DID get something. You got two weeks with your grandson, and you messed it up with your immaturity! Grow up and get a life!"

Thanks for reading this, Abby. I'm sure you got a lot of responses to that letter. -– NICOLE IN GRAYSON, GA.

DEAR NICOLE: I certainly did. That letter made a lot of readers see red, and I was flooded with mail. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When my nephew was serving as a Marine in Iraq, I wrote him every week. I didn't expect to get any letters back, and didn't care if he never acknowledged the packages we sent. (He did send two letters, for which I am exceedingly grateful.) All I cared about was my nephew's safe return home.

Ironically, the same edition of the newspaper that featured the letter about that grandmother also featured my nephew's photo on the front page. He was killed by enemy fire in a town far away from his beloved Vermont.

That greedy woman obviously has no clue what those soldiers are experiencing. They need understanding and supportive family members. They need love without strings.

To the grandmother who thought a T-shirt was more important than her grandson, I would say, "You deserve a T-shirt that reads, 'I am a SELFISH MORON!'" -– and pray that no folded flag "souvenir" ever graces that young man's home. –- PROUD, GRIEVING AUNT IN VERMONT

DEAR AUNT: Amen. Please accept my profound sympathy for your family's loss.

DEAR ABBY: A tendency to become angry over nothing can be a sign of the onset of dementia. There can be no other excuse for the greed, insensitivity and utterly disgraceful attitude that grandmother has exhibited. She should be down on her knees thanking the Lord, just as my mother did when I returned from combat, that her "souvenir" wasn't a body bag. -– MATT IN POST FALLS, IDAHO

DEAR MATT: Several other readers also suggested that the grandmother might be becoming senile. I hadn't thought of that angle. Thank you for pointing it out.

DEAR ABBY: Adam's grandmother should consult her dictionary. GIFT: something bestowed or acquired without being sought or earned by the receiver.

That young man should send his grandmother a box of camel dung. When my daughter was in the desert, she said it was plentiful and easily accessible. –- PROUD MOM, FORKS, WASH.

DEAR MOM: In other words, "Sweets for the sweet."

DEAR ABBY: I'm a flight attendant who flies these heroes to and from the conflict. Let me set the record straight on behalf of these soldiers. They are not allowed the regular checked baggage allowance set by the airlines. The armed forces allow these men and women to take only what can fit in a duffle bag, plus their weapons and safety gear. -– FLIGHT ATTENDANT IN ILLINOIS

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a blond, slim, 5-foot-10 female -- single and in great shape. People tell me I am beautiful. I am also HIV-positive.

I would like to meet someone special and settle down. But as soon as I meet a man I like, I struggle with the question of when to reveal my health situation. I have told them right away and I never hear from them again, which I find very insulting.

Some of my friends tell me I should date a guy for a few months and then say something, but I'd feel betrayed if someone waited that long to tell me.

I don't want to just blurt out the information at a first meeting. I'm very confused. Please help me. -- WANTS TO BE MARRIED, GAINESVILLE, FLA.

DEAR WANTS TO BE MARRIED: There is no need to wear a scarlet letter declaring to anyone who shows an interest that you are HIV-positive. There is EVERY reason in the world to take the time to get to know someone -- and for him to get to know you -- before having sex. When you are finally ready for physical intimacy, you should then disclose your HIV status. If the man loves you, he won't leave you. If he doesn't love you, good riddance.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently lost our 24-year-old son in an automobile accident. While the emotional pain is tremendous, we're now beginning to venture out into social gatherings. Inevitably the question comes up, "How many children do you have?" How should we answer that question?

It feels wrong to acknowledge only our two remaining children, but saying, "We had three, but recently lost one" sounds like we have a cat that can't find its way home. Also, it steers the conversation in one of two paths -- a detailed conversation about his death, or one that ends awkwardly.

Should we just say we have one son living "here" and a daughter living "there," and assume the person will eventually learn that we had another child? This may seem like a silly question, but it makes us not want to venture out much. -- GRIEVING IN RICHMOND, VA.

DEAR GRIEVING: Your letter illustrates once again how dangerous it is to ask personal questions. Asking people if they have children, or how many they have, can also be devastating to couples who have been unable to conceive.

In a situation like yours, respond that you had three children, but one recently died in a car accident -- and then change the subject. Unless the questioner has the hide of a rhinoceros, he or she will be glad to discuss something else.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are both divorced and over 50. My dream is to be married on the beach in a formal wedding gown.

My family says it is not appropriate for someone my age to wear a wedding gown. We plan to be married this summer, and the gown is very important to me. What's your opinion? -- STARRY-EYED IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR STARRY-EYED: Your family is mistaken. According to my trusted 16th Edition of Emily Post's Etiquette, you may wear a wedding gown if you wish -- although "a second-time bride usually forgoes a train as part of her gown." So, have your dream wedding, and may your marriage be a long and happy one.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have recently turned 14. When I was 7, I was sexually abused by a close female relative. The abuse wasn't as severe as in most cases of molestation, but I know what happened to me was wrong. I forgive this relative and do not bear the emotional scars that most victims do.

I'm wondering whether I should ever tell my family about what happened to me. If I do, I am afraid they will hate this relative for what she did. I have told only one of my friends about it, and he told me it was up to me to decide whether or not to tell my parents.

What do you think I should do, Abby? Should I take this secret to my grave? Should I tell my parents and risk them never talking to this relative again? Or should I wait until I'm an adult to talk about what happened? I don't want this to tear my family apart. Please help me. -- LOST TEEN IN L.A.

DEAR LOST: Because this is on your mind, you should tell your parents. Obviously, you need to talk about it. It is not your responsibility to protect this person who abused you from the consequences of her actions. Because it happened to you, it may also have happened -- or be happening -- to other children in the family. So even if you won't speak up for yourself, please do it for them.

DEAR ABBY: Would you please help us to inform the many elderly widows and widowers of retired or honorably separated military officers that they are eligible to live at Air Force Village I in San Antonio, Texas?

Most believe, incorrectly, that since their military spouse is no longer alive, they are therefore not eligible to live in the Villages. The Villages are three retirement communities in San Antonio whose primary purpose is to care for surviving officer spouses of all branches of the service who need a secure, comfortable and dignified place to live.

Further, we have a Fellowship Fund that can help meet the financial needs of widow(ers) of retired Air Force officers who do not have adequate financial resources to cover their living or health-care expenses. Our foundation is proud to say that no otherwise qualified widow or widower is ever turned away due to inability to pay. The identity of the people who receive assistance is kept strictly confidential.

Thank you, Abby, for helping us get the word to these eligible folks. -- JACK BARBEAU, COL. (RET.), AIR FORCE VILLAGE FOUNDATION

DEAR COL. BARBEAU: I am pleased to help you publicize this worthwhile program. Readers, the Air Force Village Foundation's toll-free number is 800-762-1122.

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, I read a helpful hint in your column that should be repeated. If you send a get-well card to a friend in the hospital, put the patient's address as the return address on the envelope. That way, it will be delivered to the person's home even if he or she has been discharged.

I am in a recovery center after spending time in a hospital because of a fall. My friend sent a card to the hospital and failed to heed that advice. She put her own home address instead of mine on it, and it still hasn't shown up. -- STILL WAITING IN KNOXVILLE

DEAR STILL WAITING: I'm pleased to print your letter because your problem is one that I hear about repeatedly. Using the patient's address as the return address on a card or get-well note doubles its chances of reaching the recipient.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)