DEAR ABBY: My second husband, "Les," and I married seven years ago. We each owned our own houses at the time. Whenever I was away, Les moved in his buddy, "Bruce" -- who owns a home nearby -- for the duration.

I always thought it was odd, but since it was Les' house, I never discussed it. Les and I recently sold our houses and purchased a beautiful home together. Not long after, I went to visit relatives for three days. Les moved Bruce into our home before I even left. Furthermore, from the moment Bruce arrived, they acted like I didn't exist. Neither one even said goodbye to me. They acted like lovers who couldn't wait to be rid of me.

I went on the trip feeling very hurt, and discovered when I returned that Bruce had stayed in "our" home the entire time I was gone without my having been consulted. Abby, this makes me very uneasy. Bruce lives only 15 minutes away. Is it normal for a man to have sleepovers with his buddy whenever his wife is away? -- REPLACED BEFORE THE EXIT IN N.J.

DEAR REPLACED: No, it's not. Instead of being a couple, it appears that you, Les and Bruce are a "family of three." It's time to listen to your intuition and start asking hard questions. Do not stop until you get some straight answers. There is a Web site you might find of interest: � HYPERLINK http://www.straightspouse.org ��www.straightspouse.org�. It is for the spouses of gay or bisexual individuals. If you check it out, I'm sure you'll find it enlightening.

DEAR ABBY: Last week, our 2-year-old nephew was unexpectedly placed in our custody. It was a complete surprise, and we were unprepared for it.

I belong to a woman's networking group and, during the meeting, I asked if any of them had clothing or bedding they would donate or we could purchase. Two of the women later dropped off a carton of clothing that their grandchildren had outgrown.

After they left, my husband accused me of having been extremely rude for going through the box in front of the donors and showing the 2-year-old some of the "cool" shirts.

I thought I was being proper to show my appreciation by looking through the items in the box. Please let us know who is right. Should I have waited for the woman to leave before looking, and sent a thank-you note -- or was it OK to look and still send a written thank-you? -- CURIOUS IN TACOMA

DEAR CURIOUS: Not only was it not a breach of etiquette to look at and comment about the garments that you received, it was the gracious thing to do. I don't know what your husband's problem was, but it appears he was having a bad day. Let it go.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Alex," is to be married soon. Her fiance, "Ted," has two sisters, neither of whom has been at all kind to her. They have actually said they don't think Alex is good enough for Ted.

My daughter now insists that she doesn't want to include them in the wedding party. I have told Alex that excluding them will only make things worse. She disagrees. Ted is very close to his sisters, but says Alex should do whatever she wants. What is your opinion? -- WONDERING IN WILLIAMSVILLE, N.Y.

DEAR WONDERING: Same as yours. As tempting as it is to exclude the two "witches," I hope your daughter will overcome her desire for revenge. Because the groom is close to his sisters, inviting them to be a part of the wedding could be the first step in healing the relationship. Not asking them will only incite further resentment.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I met a great guy two years ago. We have a lot in common. We both love family, our cultures and people in general. We're both compassionate. We care about each other, communicate often via e-mail and see each other a couple of times a year. This may sound like a cliche, but we connect on a "different" level. He understands me.

We aren't dating, but we're both interested in being together. There are few people in my life that I can truly say I have made an honest connection with, as opposed to something silly or a pipe dream. I know intimacy changes everything. He's the one person in my life I have wanted to share that with. I don't want to sound slutty, because he and I are not in a relationship. I know that makes things tough -- sex with no strings attached. What are your thoughts? -- "CONNECTED" IN ERIE, PA.

DEAR "CONNECTED": Sex without strings is sex with no commitment and little, if any, affection for the other party. Why, if you both feel this "connection," are you NOT dating? If your feelings are one-sided, you are heading for a painful fall. You're contemplating having sex on the gamble that the object of your affections will fall in love with you afterward. According to the mail I receive from both men and women, it doesn't usually turn out that way.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 26-year-old daughter who has been living with me for more than a year. She and her boyfriend, who is 30, both have jobs. However, they don't pay bills or buy food. My utility bills are sky-high because they use a lot of electricity for video games, their computer and sound-surround systems.

My daughter has two sons, 6 and 10; I have custody of the 10-year-old, "Adam." I am trying to give Adam a better life with security. I don't want my grandsons to hate me, but I am feeling very used. When I say anything, my daughter gets mad at me and tells the 6-year-old that I don't love them and I'm making them move. Of course, this makes Adam mad at me because I am "breaking up the family."

I have given them deadlines to move, and they tell me they can't wait to get out -- but they're still here. I have told them I will move and they can live here and pay my mortgage. They tell me they hate it here.

I love my daughter, Abby, but I am really at the end of my rope. By the way, she's expecting another baby in July. What should I do? I'm afraid I may have to do something legal. -- STRANGER IN MY OWN HOME

DEAR STRANGER: Unless you want to lose your home, do not move out and depend on your daughter and her boyfriend to take responsibility for paying the mortgage. Your daughter is using you and shamelessly manipulating her children. The longer you tolerate this, the longer it will continue and the worse it will get. For Adam's sake and your own sanity, please discuss this with your lawyer. It may, indeed, take legal action -- or the threat of it -- to get these freeloaders out of your house.

As to the mind games that have been played on Adam, it may take the help of a child psychologist to undo the damage that his mother has caused -- so please be prepared, and ask your physician for a referral.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Our son, Ricky, always had a smile for everyone he met. He gave his whole heart whenever he could, especially to his sister, his family and those he loved. You could see his happy, smiling face and hear his laughter wherever he was.

On March 6, 2000, we lost our 19-year-old special son due to tragic circumstances. True to his giving, loving nature, Ricky was an organ and tissue donor. His final gift was to help more than 80 people live healthy, happy lives -- from the young father who can now see his children grow up due to the gift of Ricky's corneas, to the athlete whose heart is now healthy because of one of Ricky's heart valves.

We were able to grant our son his last wish because he let us know this is what he wanted. Ricky's gifts have also helped us, because we have the comfort of knowing that he is not truly gone, but lives on in others, now and forever.

Abby, because April is National Donate Life Month, won't you please encourage your readers to consider becoming organ donors? Thank you. -- RICHARD, ELLEN AND KRISTEN MULLANE

DEAR RICHARD, ELLEN AND KRISTEN: I'm pleased to print your poignant letter as a reminder to everyone about what a precious gift that each of us can give if we wish -- and our families agree. That is why it is so important to let our loved ones know what our wishes are well in advance. Have that discussion. Get the subject out on the table.

Readers, for more information about organ donation, or a free organ donor card, contact the National Kidney Foundation at Box DA, 30 E. 33rd St., New York, NY 10016, or call toll-free 800-622-9010, or visit � HYPERLINK http://www.kidney.org ��www.kidney.org�.

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married to "Lenny" for five years. I have three children from a former marriage who live with us; Lenny has two who live with his ex three hours away. They stay with us every other weekend.

Lenny's mother will drive 3 1/2 hours just to see her grandchildren in a school concert for one hour. My children have invited my in-laws repeatedly to come and watch them at sporting events. However, my mother-in-law will come only if it takes no more than 15 minutes to get there.

This is very disappointing because my parents are not into being grandparents. I had hoped that my in-laws would love my children as they love their other grandchildren.

I have spoken to Lenny about this. He says, "I can't make them go." Because of this, I no longer feel my children should have to visit his parents on holidays if they don't want to. I find this situation even more upsetting because I have explained to my in-laws that my children's father does not visit them, nor do my parents. Do you know what Lenny's mother's response was? She said, "It will make them stronger."

Should I continue to let this bother me, or should I have Lenny say something to them again about it? -- HURT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HURT: Let it go. It would be wonderful if your children had caring older people in their lives, but your parents are too preoccupied with themselves, and Lenny's parents are unwilling to open their hearts. The more you dwell on this, the more your hurt and anger will grow.

Since neither you nor your husband can change your parents, why not "adopt" grandparents for your children? A way to do it would be for all of you to spend some time volunteering at a nursing home. Many nursing home patients have no one. They would love the company and appreciate the attention, and your children would be rewarded with love and gratitude. Please consider it.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)