DEAR ABBY: I met a great guy two years ago. We have a lot in common. We both love family, our cultures and people in general. We're both compassionate. We care about each other, communicate often via e-mail and see each other a couple of times a year. This may sound like a cliche, but we connect on a "different" level. He understands me.

We aren't dating, but we're both interested in being together. There are few people in my life that I can truly say I have made an honest connection with, as opposed to something silly or a pipe dream. I know intimacy changes everything. He's the one person in my life I have wanted to share that with. I don't want to sound slutty, because he and I are not in a relationship. I know that makes things tough -- sex with no strings attached. What are your thoughts? -- "CONNECTED" IN ERIE, PA.

DEAR "CONNECTED": Sex without strings is sex with no commitment and little, if any, affection for the other party. Why, if you both feel this "connection," are you NOT dating? If your feelings are one-sided, you are heading for a painful fall. You're contemplating having sex on the gamble that the object of your affections will fall in love with you afterward. According to the mail I receive from both men and women, it doesn't usually turn out that way.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 26-year-old daughter who has been living with me for more than a year. She and her boyfriend, who is 30, both have jobs. However, they don't pay bills or buy food. My utility bills are sky-high because they use a lot of electricity for video games, their computer and sound-surround systems.

My daughter has two sons, 6 and 10; I have custody of the 10-year-old, "Adam." I am trying to give Adam a better life with security. I don't want my grandsons to hate me, but I am feeling very used. When I say anything, my daughter gets mad at me and tells the 6-year-old that I don't love them and I'm making them move. Of course, this makes Adam mad at me because I am "breaking up the family."

I have given them deadlines to move, and they tell me they can't wait to get out -- but they're still here. I have told them I will move and they can live here and pay my mortgage. They tell me they hate it here.

I love my daughter, Abby, but I am really at the end of my rope. By the way, she's expecting another baby in July. What should I do? I'm afraid I may have to do something legal. -- STRANGER IN MY OWN HOME

DEAR STRANGER: Unless you want to lose your home, do not move out and depend on your daughter and her boyfriend to take responsibility for paying the mortgage. Your daughter is using you and shamelessly manipulating her children. The longer you tolerate this, the longer it will continue and the worse it will get. For Adam's sake and your own sanity, please discuss this with your lawyer. It may, indeed, take legal action -- or the threat of it -- to get these freeloaders out of your house.

As to the mind games that have been played on Adam, it may take the help of a child psychologist to undo the damage that his mother has caused -- so please be prepared, and ask your physician for a referral.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Our son, Ricky, always had a smile for everyone he met. He gave his whole heart whenever he could, especially to his sister, his family and those he loved. You could see his happy, smiling face and hear his laughter wherever he was.

On March 6, 2000, we lost our 19-year-old special son due to tragic circumstances. True to his giving, loving nature, Ricky was an organ and tissue donor. His final gift was to help more than 80 people live healthy, happy lives -- from the young father who can now see his children grow up due to the gift of Ricky's corneas, to the athlete whose heart is now healthy because of one of Ricky's heart valves.

We were able to grant our son his last wish because he let us know this is what he wanted. Ricky's gifts have also helped us, because we have the comfort of knowing that he is not truly gone, but lives on in others, now and forever.

Abby, because April is National Donate Life Month, won't you please encourage your readers to consider becoming organ donors? Thank you. -- RICHARD, ELLEN AND KRISTEN MULLANE

DEAR RICHARD, ELLEN AND KRISTEN: I'm pleased to print your poignant letter as a reminder to everyone about what a precious gift that each of us can give if we wish -- and our families agree. That is why it is so important to let our loved ones know what our wishes are well in advance. Have that discussion. Get the subject out on the table.

Readers, for more information about organ donation, or a free organ donor card, contact the National Kidney Foundation at Box DA, 30 E. 33rd St., New York, NY 10016, or call toll-free 800-622-9010, or visit � HYPERLINK http://www.kidney.org ��www.kidney.org�.

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married to "Lenny" for five years. I have three children from a former marriage who live with us; Lenny has two who live with his ex three hours away. They stay with us every other weekend.

Lenny's mother will drive 3 1/2 hours just to see her grandchildren in a school concert for one hour. My children have invited my in-laws repeatedly to come and watch them at sporting events. However, my mother-in-law will come only if it takes no more than 15 minutes to get there.

This is very disappointing because my parents are not into being grandparents. I had hoped that my in-laws would love my children as they love their other grandchildren.

I have spoken to Lenny about this. He says, "I can't make them go." Because of this, I no longer feel my children should have to visit his parents on holidays if they don't want to. I find this situation even more upsetting because I have explained to my in-laws that my children's father does not visit them, nor do my parents. Do you know what Lenny's mother's response was? She said, "It will make them stronger."

Should I continue to let this bother me, or should I have Lenny say something to them again about it? -- HURT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HURT: Let it go. It would be wonderful if your children had caring older people in their lives, but your parents are too preoccupied with themselves, and Lenny's parents are unwilling to open their hearts. The more you dwell on this, the more your hurt and anger will grow.

Since neither you nor your husband can change your parents, why not "adopt" grandparents for your children? A way to do it would be for all of you to spend some time volunteering at a nursing home. Many nursing home patients have no one. They would love the company and appreciate the attention, and your children would be rewarded with love and gratitude. Please consider it.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother came to help us when my wife, "Dana," was due to give birth. When Dana's water broke and her contractions started, Mom insisted that I take her shopping. She argued that deliveries take a long time, and she needed certain ingredients for a special meal. Dana wanted to go to the hospital. We argued back and forth, and finally Dana said: "Fine. Go. But come back as fast as you can."

Once we were at the mall, my mother said she also wanted to rent some movies. The short story is, we ended up spending a long time shopping. When we arrived back home, Dana was desperate. We drove to the hospital, and the doctor was annoyed that I had waited so long to get her there.

Dana delivered a healthy baby after three hours, but the doctor insisted that we should have arrived at the hospital earlier, and my wife agreed. I told Dana she should have been more assertive and demanded to be taken to the hospital. Who is right? -– CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR CAUGHT: Your mother's ignorance and lack of sensitivity are appalling. Childbirth is painful and traumatic enough without adding the stress of a power struggle with an in-law. Your wife's wishes should have taken precedence over your mother's desire to go shopping. Please remember that, and while we're on the subject of childbirth -- and weddings -- read on:

DEAR ABBY: My best friend is being married in Las Vegas. Her brother's wife is pregnant, and her due date is seven days before the proposed wedding date. My friend's brother is trying to make her feel guilty about wanting to keep the date. My friend would very much prefer her brother to be present on her big day, and she's angry that he is making this about them instead of her. Should she reschedule her wedding around her sister-in-law's pregnancy? -- BRIDE'S BEST FRIEND IN CANADA

DEAR BEST FRIEND: I doubt that the ob/gyn would want his patient to travel such a long distance so late in her pregnancy. The father-to-be should be with his wife when she gives birth. If the bride wants to be absolutely sure her brother can attend, she should change the date of the wedding. If that is not possible, perhaps the ceremony could be videotaped, and a copy sent to the brother and his wife.

DEAR ABBY: Many mornings, in your column, and other advice columns, I see problems about weddings. The letters all voice similar complaints: Reality is interfering with someone's dream wedding. One letter you printed came from a young woman who was upset that she wasn't getting the kind of wedding she wanted because her mother and mother-in-law were paying for it.

Your advice to pay for what she wanted herself was valid -- but she might also keep the following in mind. As a mother of two daughters, I, too, was obsessed about hosting the "perfect wedding." Then a dear friend and neighbor, the rabbi who was to officiate at my daughter's weddings, commented: "The wedding lasts at most two hours; it's the marriage that counts."

That bit of wisdom helped me relax. My daughters' marriages have lasted 27 and 30 years, respectively. Although the celebrations were lovely, I'm sure neither one was "perfect." But who cares? No one! How right he was. -- SUE R. IN CINCINNATI

DEAR SUE: I hope your advice helps those who need it to recognize their priorities. Your rabbi was right. The most important thing at a wedding is the love the bride and groom have for each other. All the rest is window dressing.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)