DEAR ABBY: Our son, Ricky, always had a smile for everyone he met. He gave his whole heart whenever he could, especially to his sister, his family and those he loved. You could see his happy, smiling face and hear his laughter wherever he was.

On March 6, 2000, we lost our 19-year-old special son due to tragic circumstances. True to his giving, loving nature, Ricky was an organ and tissue donor. His final gift was to help more than 80 people live healthy, happy lives -- from the young father who can now see his children grow up due to the gift of Ricky's corneas, to the athlete whose heart is now healthy because of one of Ricky's heart valves.

We were able to grant our son his last wish because he let us know this is what he wanted. Ricky's gifts have also helped us, because we have the comfort of knowing that he is not truly gone, but lives on in others, now and forever.

Abby, because April is National Donate Life Month, won't you please encourage your readers to consider becoming organ donors? Thank you. -- RICHARD, ELLEN AND KRISTEN MULLANE

DEAR RICHARD, ELLEN AND KRISTEN: I'm pleased to print your poignant letter as a reminder to everyone about what a precious gift that each of us can give if we wish -- and our families agree. That is why it is so important to let our loved ones know what our wishes are well in advance. Have that discussion. Get the subject out on the table.

Readers, for more information about organ donation, or a free organ donor card, contact the National Kidney Foundation at Box DA, 30 E. 33rd St., New York, NY 10016, or call toll-free 800-622-9010, or visit � HYPERLINK http://www.kidney.org ��www.kidney.org�.

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married to "Lenny" for five years. I have three children from a former marriage who live with us; Lenny has two who live with his ex three hours away. They stay with us every other weekend.

Lenny's mother will drive 3 1/2 hours just to see her grandchildren in a school concert for one hour. My children have invited my in-laws repeatedly to come and watch them at sporting events. However, my mother-in-law will come only if it takes no more than 15 minutes to get there.

This is very disappointing because my parents are not into being grandparents. I had hoped that my in-laws would love my children as they love their other grandchildren.

I have spoken to Lenny about this. He says, "I can't make them go." Because of this, I no longer feel my children should have to visit his parents on holidays if they don't want to. I find this situation even more upsetting because I have explained to my in-laws that my children's father does not visit them, nor do my parents. Do you know what Lenny's mother's response was? She said, "It will make them stronger."

Should I continue to let this bother me, or should I have Lenny say something to them again about it? -- HURT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HURT: Let it go. It would be wonderful if your children had caring older people in their lives, but your parents are too preoccupied with themselves, and Lenny's parents are unwilling to open their hearts. The more you dwell on this, the more your hurt and anger will grow.

Since neither you nor your husband can change your parents, why not "adopt" grandparents for your children? A way to do it would be for all of you to spend some time volunteering at a nursing home. Many nursing home patients have no one. They would love the company and appreciate the attention, and your children would be rewarded with love and gratitude. Please consider it.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother came to help us when my wife, "Dana," was due to give birth. When Dana's water broke and her contractions started, Mom insisted that I take her shopping. She argued that deliveries take a long time, and she needed certain ingredients for a special meal. Dana wanted to go to the hospital. We argued back and forth, and finally Dana said: "Fine. Go. But come back as fast as you can."

Once we were at the mall, my mother said she also wanted to rent some movies. The short story is, we ended up spending a long time shopping. When we arrived back home, Dana was desperate. We drove to the hospital, and the doctor was annoyed that I had waited so long to get her there.

Dana delivered a healthy baby after three hours, but the doctor insisted that we should have arrived at the hospital earlier, and my wife agreed. I told Dana she should have been more assertive and demanded to be taken to the hospital. Who is right? -– CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR CAUGHT: Your mother's ignorance and lack of sensitivity are appalling. Childbirth is painful and traumatic enough without adding the stress of a power struggle with an in-law. Your wife's wishes should have taken precedence over your mother's desire to go shopping. Please remember that, and while we're on the subject of childbirth -- and weddings -- read on:

DEAR ABBY: My best friend is being married in Las Vegas. Her brother's wife is pregnant, and her due date is seven days before the proposed wedding date. My friend's brother is trying to make her feel guilty about wanting to keep the date. My friend would very much prefer her brother to be present on her big day, and she's angry that he is making this about them instead of her. Should she reschedule her wedding around her sister-in-law's pregnancy? -- BRIDE'S BEST FRIEND IN CANADA

DEAR BEST FRIEND: I doubt that the ob/gyn would want his patient to travel such a long distance so late in her pregnancy. The father-to-be should be with his wife when she gives birth. If the bride wants to be absolutely sure her brother can attend, she should change the date of the wedding. If that is not possible, perhaps the ceremony could be videotaped, and a copy sent to the brother and his wife.

DEAR ABBY: Many mornings, in your column, and other advice columns, I see problems about weddings. The letters all voice similar complaints: Reality is interfering with someone's dream wedding. One letter you printed came from a young woman who was upset that she wasn't getting the kind of wedding she wanted because her mother and mother-in-law were paying for it.

Your advice to pay for what she wanted herself was valid -- but she might also keep the following in mind. As a mother of two daughters, I, too, was obsessed about hosting the "perfect wedding." Then a dear friend and neighbor, the rabbi who was to officiate at my daughter's weddings, commented: "The wedding lasts at most two hours; it's the marriage that counts."

That bit of wisdom helped me relax. My daughters' marriages have lasted 27 and 30 years, respectively. Although the celebrations were lovely, I'm sure neither one was "perfect." But who cares? No one! How right he was. -- SUE R. IN CINCINNATI

DEAR SUE: I hope your advice helps those who need it to recognize their priorities. Your rabbi was right. The most important thing at a wedding is the love the bride and groom have for each other. All the rest is window dressing.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR READERS: In light of recent events, many of you have requested that I reprint something regarding living wills, a subject that has appeared in this column since the early 1970s. Because this subject is both important and timely, I am doing so -- with additional comments. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: No one wakes up in the morning planning to have an accident, a heart attack or some other life-threatening condition. All too often doctors and nurses are faced with a family divided on what they "think" our patient would want (or not want). Combine this with the shock and grief these people are experiencing, and the situation becomes volatile. People should complete a living will before they need one. -- FORMER SURGICAL NURSE, VIRGINIA BEACH, VA.

DEAR FORMER NURSE: Thank you for speaking from the perspective of someone who has been in the trenches and seen firsthand how important it is to make one's wishes clearly understood.

DEAR ABBY: I saw my handsome, 6-foot, 200-pound father waste away to an 88-pound skeleton after fighting a two-year battle with cancer. The doctors told us it was hopeless, yet they kept that poor dear man alive month after month with transfusions, tubes, needles and drugs, while he prayed to God to take him.

Abby, you would do millions of readers a priceless service by acquainting them with the living will. --GRATEFUL IN JOLIET, ILL.

DEAR READERS: By now, the importance of having an advance directive -- or living will -- should be apparent to everyone. Contrary to what many people may believe, this is not just a document for old people. A living will is simply a document that instructs your physician, lawyer, clergyman, family members -- even a few trusted friends -- what your wishes are if there is no hope for your recovery and you are unable to speak for yourself.

I have a living will, and I hope that the people who love me will respect it. Mine states that if there is no hope for my recovery and all hope for life is gone, or I lose my sense of reason, I do not wish to be kept alive by artificial means.

If any of you disagree with this philosophy, you should put your own feelings clearly in writing, too.

For information about advanced directives or living wills, consult your physician, your legal adviser, or visit � HYPERLINK http://www.compassionandchoices.org ��www.compassionandchoices.org�. Click at the bottom of the Web page where it says "Information about advance directives."

Anyone with problems having an advance directive honored should contact the Compassion and Choices support staff toll-free at 1-800-247-7421. This group will advocate for honoring your advance directive, including legal action if necessary. Its services are free, and are supported entirely by donations and memberships.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle a question about wedding etiquette for me. My friend feels it is the guests' responsibility to "seek out" the bride to congratulate her at the reception.

I have been married 12 years, and I remember that one of the important things I had to do was to mingle with the guests and thank them for coming. Has this ritual changed since then? -- SNUBBED IN CINCINNATI

DEAR SNUBBED: No, good manners have not changed. I don't know how large the wedding you attended was, but the bride should have visited each table to have personally thanked her guests. It's the gracious thing to do.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)