DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are well-educated professionals. This is the second marriage for both of us. We love each other and feel blessed to have found each other.

Our sex life was wonderful for the first two years of our marriage. But we've been married for four years now, and for the last two I have had to beg him for affection. I'm lucky if it happens every other month now, and when it does it's like he's thinking, "OK, let's get this chore over with," and he merely accommodates me. I have told him how ugly, unloved and insecure this makes me feel, but nothing changes.

I always thought it was a sin to cheat on your spouse, but, Abby, I'm beginning to understand why someone would "wander." Talk doesn't help, and he refuses to see a counselor. What do I do now? -- FRUSTRATED SPOUSE

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Talking may not resolve your problem. Your husband owes you an explanation about why your sex life changed so radically two years ago. And you owe it to him -- and yourself -- to hear him out. Some sessions for you, alone, with a professional counselor might help you to gain some insight.

You love each other and consider yourselves blessed to have found each other. Taking a lover will only drive you apart, and I don't recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, while I was in high school, I broke up with my boyfriend. I was very immature then and didn't appreciate what I had.

He and I remained friendly after the breakup, and he married someone else. The marriage was a disaster from the beginning, and some mutual friends have told me that he confided that he wished he had married me.

He and his wife divorced about a year ago. Not long after that, he started dropping by the store where I work to make small talk.

Abby, I really miss him. I think about him all the time. He was the nicest guy I have ever dated. I'd like to start seeing him again, but I don't know how to get the ball rolling. I don't think he's dating anyone, and I'm not even sure he would want to date me. I'm afraid if I make the first move he will laugh at me. What should I do? -- WANTS HIM BACK IN ALABAMA

DEAR WANTS HIM: Ask him to have coffee, see a movie -- or better yet, have dinner with you. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. And I promise you, he won't laugh.

DEAR ABBY: We provided our 16-year-old daughter, "Alex," with her own car. Her 16-year-old boyfriend, "Neil," isn't driving yet. Neil expects Alex to be able to drive to his house or out to see a movie, and gets upset if she can't.

Is it right for Alex to do all the driving when they go out on a date? Shouldn't Neil's parents be doing some of the driving since he can't? -- CONCERNED PARENTS IN KENTUCKY

DEAR CONCERNED: Since Alex has a car and Neil doesn't drive yet, it's logical that she would be expected to provide transportation. However, there are other things to consider: Who is doing the calling and inviting? Who pays for their dates? If your daughter is doing all of the "courting," the relationship is out of balance.

Feeling as you do, mention your concerns to Neil's parents. And while you're on the subject, tell them that you do not want your daughter visiting their home unless there is an adult present. She should not spend time there without supervision.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I met an attractive woman at a consumer products show. She works for a company that supplies items to the store where I work. She wasn't wearing a ring, and she seemed interested in me, so I decided to ask her to lunch.

I had always heard that women welcome flowers, and prefer them to direct invitations because it allows them to reply with a warm thank-you or refuse without putting anyone on the spot. So I ordered a mixed bouquet with a card that carried a friendly -- not romantic -- message. She never acknowledged it, but I received a brief fax from her boss saying that I was off-base and the flowers were inappropriate. He signed off with a directive that I make no further contact.

Abby, I was mortified! Was it necessary to embarrass me with a fax that everyone in the store could have read? I don't know if he took it upon himself to do this, or she asked him to do it for her. I'm not even sure whether she received the flowers or if he intercepted them. All that fax did was ensure an awkward situation the next time she and I cross paths at a show or during business transactions.

How should I handle our next meeting? Should I pretend it never happened? Should I cross them off our supplier list to avoid further contact? Should I let her know so that I can possibly get another shot at it, or did I blow it so terribly wrong? I'm a caring, sensitive person and don't understand why this innocent gesture generated such a reply. -- EMBARRASSED IN IOWA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: I don't know who told you that women prefer flowers to a direct invitation, but the information was incorrect. Frankly, the approach was a bit over the top and may have made the woman uncomfortable. If she indicated that to her employer, he had a legal obligation to step in on her behalf. However, his technique was heavy-handed. It would have been better had he talked to your employer or human resources for your company and asked that person to speak to you privately about it.

If I were you, I'd forget about trying to cultivate a personal relationship with the lady. It's not necessary to "cross them off your list"; just keep any further contact with her strictly related to business.

DEAR ABBY: I work as a volunteer, helping recent immigrants find jobs. Several months ago, a middle-aged woman I'll call Maria was hired as a maid with a large hotel chain. Maria is struggling to learn English, and she makes very little money. I asked her if she receives tips from hotel guests, and she replied by showing me a small glass jar containing nickels and pennies. There were no dollar bills.

Maria told me that after the guests check out, her supervisor checks the room before she does, and it is assumed that any monies in denominations larger than small change are removed before she's allowed to enter and prepare the room for the next guest.

I trust that this kind of behavior is not common practice, but from now on, when I stay at a hotel, I'll either tip the maid personally when I see her in the hall, or leave it for her a day before my departure to ensure the proper person receives my gratuity. -- CAREFUL TIPPER IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CAREFUL: That's a good idea and one worth sharing. I'm printing your letter because many hotel guests "forget" how hard hotel staff work for low pay, and sometimes leave without giving them a gratuity. As to when to tip, the best time is at the beginning of your stay at a hotel.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm at my wit's end with my daughter, "Fran." She excelled in school and had a chance to go to college, but she chose to be married instead. Fran is now 35 and on her fourth marriage. I have seen my daughter through one violent marriage, amphetamine addiction, and one episode where she overdosed on medication and I had to rush her to the hospital to have her stomach pumped.

Fran can't hold a job because she has trouble getting along with others. My deepest concern is that she will commit suicide. She has been verbally abusive to me, but I can't just write her off. Fran is my daughter, and there are grandchildren to consider.

She refuses counseling. She says all they do is talk, and they can't do anything. She also thinks she is smarter than the counselors are. The children's father is no help. He's an alcoholic. Can you help me? -- WALKING ON EGGSHELLS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR WALKING ON EGGSHELLS: Your daughter's "overdose" on medication was an indication that she's a danger to herself, and she should have been held for psychiatric evaluation then. She appears to be very troubled, and very much in need of professional help. Your concern is that she might hurt herself. Mine is that she could harm the children. Since your daughter refuses to get help, I think you should involve Family Services. Perhaps that will wake her up.

DEAR ABBY: Because your column reaches so many households, you are in a position to share some much-needed tips about riding in funeral processions. Many automobile collisions occur on the way to cemeteries because mourners' vehicles travel through red lights, and other drivers unwittingly cut into the line of cars. Also, many cars get lost from the pack, causing the occupants to miss the remaining services.

I would like to offer some tips:

-- First, hazard lights should be used in addition to headlights, since daytime headlights are used in various parts of the country.

-- Second, a non-obstructing yellow paper with the word FUNERAL in large block letters should be hung in the window of each car to make the situation clear to motorists approaching from the sides.

-- Last, funeral directors should distribute photocopies of directions from the funeral home to the church and to the cemetery, so that people at the end of the line will not feel pressured into unsafe driving to avoid getting lost.

Thank you for printing this, Abby. Sign me ... WIDOWER DUE TO A FUNERAL COLLISION

DEAR WIDOWER: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the tragic loss of your wife. I hope your letter will avert another tragedy.

DEAR ABBY: This is embarrassing, but here goes: When a girl loses her virginity, is she supposed to bleed? When I lost my virginity, I did not bleed. So my boyfriend thought I lied to him when I told him I was a virgin. -- HONEST GIRL IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR HONEST GIRL: Girls today are more active and athletic than women were 50 or 100 years ago, and today not every woman bleeds. What is of more concern to me is that your boyfriend doesn't believe you when you tell him something. Where there is no trust, there is no love.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)