DEAR ABBY: I really, really need your help. I have serious anger issues. Almost every day I lash out at my mother, and it makes her very sad. Recently my mom went through a bout of depression. She has relapses sometimes, yet I am unable to control my yelling at her. I am 13, but I realize that I am already an abuser and I don't know how to stop. Little things set me off on a screaming frenzy at my poor mother.

Please help me. I'm afraid I will hurt her one day because of this, and I would never forgive myself. And please don't print my name and address. We live in a small town, and I don't want people to know. -- 13 AND SCARED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SCARED: It is important that you pinpoint exactly what is making you so angry. If it is something other than your mother, then you're making her a scapegoat for what is really bothering you. If it IS your mother, you must find healthier, more constructive ways of expressing your anger than screaming at her because, as you have pointed out, it may escalate.

I have a booklet that could help you to understand and control your outbursts. It's called "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." It can be ordered by sending a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus a check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

Among the suggestions I offer in the booklet are:

"Recognize that you are getting angry. Admit that your buttons are being pushed and that you're about to 'lose it.' (By losing it, I mean expressing yourself emotionally, without control.)

"Some healthy, acceptable ways to express anger:

"Express it calmly without being abusive or calling names. Say, 'When you do ( ), it makes me angry.' And then explain why.

"Take a walk. Remove yourself from the source of your anger until you cool off.

"Write a letter to the person who has angered you, expressing your feelings. You may never deliver it; in fact, you probably shouldn't -- but you'll feel much better once you get your emotions down on paper and out of your system.

"When all else fails -- have a good cry. That, too, will lessen the tension."

But whatever you do, do NOT raise your hand in anger against your mother. If your anger is truly out of control, ask your mother to make an appointment for you to discuss it with a psychologist so he or she can help you form the tools to control it or channel it in a constructive way.

DEAR ABBY: My brother has inherited a very old quilt from our grandmother. Her great-grandmother made it in 1862, when she was 18. We are thrilled to have such a wonderful piece of family memorabilia; however, we don't know what to do with it. It appears to be in good condition, but I can't imagine putting it on a bed and risking spills or pet fur getting on it.

At present, the quilt is wrapped in plastic and sitting in a box. I'd love to find a way for my brother to display it or use it, but he is 19 and doesn't really care about things like this yet. Any idea you might have would be welcome. -- KRISTA IN SALT LAKE CITY

DEAR KRISTA: The quilt should be stored until your brother has a place to display it. A cleaner that prepares bridal gowns for storage can help you do it so the quilt isn't damaged. When your brother is ready, consider having the quilt mounted in a large "shadow box" frame. However, make certain it is not exposed to direct sunlight.

DEAR ABBY: In response to "Conversationally Speaking," a reader who complained about being eavesdropped upon in restaurants, you suggested that the couple engage in some "wild dialogue" for entertainment purposes, such as "how to spend their drug money" or which girl you planned to send on the next "call."

As a police officer who has had to waste significant time and resources following up on such reports of "suspicious behavior," I'm surprised you would encourage such an irresponsible action. Our nation's homeland security is of paramount importance these days, and our governing leaders have requested help from the public in "remaining vigilant" and reporting suspicious behavior to the proper authorities. Fifty lashes with a wet noodle to you for failing to consider the consequences of your ill-advised recommendation. What were you thinking? -- DAN HOFFMAN, DEPUTY CHIEF, FAIRBANKS (ALASKA) POLICE DEPT.

DEAR DEPUTY CHIEF HOFFMAN: I was thinking about having some fun, not about homeland security. In the light of the sober times we live in, however, I probably should have played it straighter. On a lighter note, quite a few readers wrote to describe how they have handled the situation. Read on for a sample:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a suggestion. Talk about "Aunt Tilly's" recent operation with details so graphic that only the strongest stomach could hold its contents. Or, perhaps, mention "Cousin Mandy's" little boy throwing up all over the wedding cake at someone's reception. -- MARGARET IN SWOOPE, VA.

DEAR MARGARET: That could, indeed, work. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I had the same experience. Since everyone at my table was in the medical field, I began describing an extremely grisly autopsy I had been involved in. Within five minutes, the couple at the nearby table had paid their bill and left their food. While they may have not been "cured" of listening, they certainly got their "dose" of reality. -- STEPHEN IN THE WOODLANDS, TEXAS

DEAR STEPHEN; Your eavesdroppers must not have been fans of the currently popular TV crime series and their spin-offs.

DEAR ABBY: Some friends and I were eating in a restaurant that featured a large atrium and all kinds of plants hanging from the rafters. When we realized we were being listened to, my friend's wife started telling everyone at the table how -- in order to control the bug population in the plants -- they had hundreds of lizards living in the foliage. "Nosy Rosy" went screaming from the restaurant with her coat pulled over her head. I guess she was afraid of lizards. -- JOHN IN WELLINGTON, OHIO

DEAR JOHN: Leapin' lizards -- your friend was creative.

DEAR ABBY: Here's my technique. I lean over to the rude eavesdroppers and smile. Then I invite them to scoot their chairs a little closer, so they can hear our conversation more easily. It usually embarrasses them into stopping. -- MARTHA IN DALHART, TEXAS

DEAR MARTHA: Not everyone is as straightforward as you.

DEAR ABBY: Some people need to be reminded about good manners. When I'm in that situation I confront them and ask, "Are we talking too loud? If not, how about giving us some privacy?" and continuing eye contact until they stop. -- AIDA IN RAPID CITY, S.D.

DEAR AIDA: Interesting you should mention it, because several people suggested that the volume of the conversation might have been the problem to begin with.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Pamela," constantly steals things that belong to me. It can be anything from underwear to jewelry. When I catch her wearing whatever she "borrowed," the belongings go missing. Pamela then claims that she returned them. I have to beg, cry, and finally search her room and car to find them. Most of the time they'll be ruined.

This is causing a great strain on my life and our relationship. It has reached the point that I have told my sister I no longer want anything to do with her because she's deceitful, hurtful and selfish. I honestly think she has some sort of OCD or does it for the thrill.

Oh, we are not teenagers. I am 26 and Pamela is 24. We are both adults with master's degrees and full-time jobs. -- FED UP IN QUEBEC

DEAR FED UP: Excuse me, but how is Pamela able to take possession of your property? If you're living under the same roof, have a deadbolt lock installed on your bedroom door and use it while you're out. If not, have your dwelling re-keyed. Your sister cannot steal and destroy that to which she doesn't have access.

DEAR ABBY: I grew up with a friend I'll call "Muffy." Muffy was raised in a rich, sheltered environment. Her mother did everything for her. She never taught her daughter how to wash dishes, do laundry, clean house, etc. I, too, waited on Muffy. As a child, I thought I was supposed to take care of her.

Muffy is now an adult, a recluse with few friends. She still lives with her mother, even though she has a job and could move out on her own. Muffy is a nice woman. My problem is that her mother expected us to be best friends throughout our lives. She and Muffy can't seem to understand that I have a husband, a son, and other responsibilities that include work.

My mother and Muffy's mother are best friends, and Mom often comments to me that I should remain friends with Muffy. It seems Muffy's mother won't let the subject drop.

I think they both need to get on with their lives and Muffy should be free to make new friends. In the end, she is the one who has been hurt by not learning how to live independently and take care of herself. She should not be a prisoner of her childhood. -- INDEPENDENT IN KANSAS

DEAR INDEPENDENT: I get the feeling that you somehow resent your childhood friend, and that's sad. Not only did Muffy's mother encourage her daughter's physical dependence, it appears she nurtured her daughter's emotional dependence as well.

I agree that Muffy "should" learn to live independently, and "should" be free to make new friends. However, at this point in her life she may not have the tools to do either. It would be a kindness to encourage her to get professional help so she can figure out where her mother ends and she begins. Only then will your childhood friend be able to truly get on with her life.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of men in kilts? I want to buy and try one. My wife is undecided, but trusts your judgment. Your thoughts, please? -- GRANDSON OF SCOTLAND

DEAR GRANDSON: As a person of proud Scottish descent, you are entitled to wear a kilt if you wish, but please refrain from doing high kicks on the dance floor.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)