DEAR ABBY: I am a 69-year-old grandfather with a good sense of humor and am partly bald. I wear XXL shirts and have a 46-inch tummy, chubby cheeks and an occasional limp. I still work in an office where the love of my life, my wife of 40 years, is also employed.

My problem is the firm hired a 50ish married woman who likes men. I'll call her "Snuggles." Snuggles wants hugs, gives kisses, and demands to know all the particulars of her fellow employees' lives. I believe this to be innocent on her part, but her brazen behavior really is offensive.

Yesterday was my birthday, and she kissed me twice on the cheek. It was the fourth time in the last two weeks. And yes, I did tell her no more kisses, but I'll bet that only lasts a week or so. When I got home I washed my face and asked my wife to kiss me so that if I died in my sleep, my wife would have been the last woman with whom I shared a kiss.

Since Snuggles is a recent hire, I don't want to get her in trouble. But, golly gee, I thought I was the one to do the sexual harassing. -- HONEY BEAR IN HIGHLAND PARK, ILL.

DEAR HONEY BEAR: Whether or not what "Snuggles" is doing is called sexual harassment, her behavior is not acceptable in a business environment. Using co-workers as a source of, or outlet for, physical affection is inappropriate.

You were right to have asked Snuggles to contain her affection. However, if she persists, you should document the incidents and discuss the matter with your boss, your supervisor, or the person in charge of human resources for your company.

DEAR ABBY: Three of us were recently in Manhattan and found ourselves walking behind a blind woman who used a walking stick. We didn't know if we should offer to assist her, or if she would have felt offended. There was scaffolding ahead and the front steps of several buildings protruded onto the sidewalk, although she managed to navigate around them without problems.

What is considered good manners in a situation like this? Should you offer to help the stranger navigate? Should you leave her alone and keep walking? We didn't want to annoy the woman, and we felt helpless in a situation none of us had encountered before. -- VISITORS TO N.Y.C.

DEAR VISITORS: It is never offensive to verbally offer assistance to someone. However, a blind person using a cane usually has been trained to "detect" objects that might obstruct his or her path.

The reason I say "verbally" offer assistance is that some people make the mistake of trying to help blind people by taking their arm and trying to propel them. I have been told that if a blind person accepts an offer of help, he or she would prefer to take the arm of the helper rather than vice versa.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter's third-grade classmate started wearing makeup to school (lipstick and eye shadow). Now two others are doing it.

My daughter wants to wear it, but I feel they're entirely too young. What is your opinion? -- OLD SCHOOL AND PROUD OF IT

DEAR OLD SCHOOL: I hope you'll stick to your guns and discourage your daughter from doing it. I think those little girls' mothers should have their heads examined.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My nephew was recently arrested. It's the fourth time I know of that he's been arrested for various things -- there may have been more.

This time, bond was set at $500. He asked his parents for the money. They refused because they hoped the time he spent in jail would teach him a lesson.

Next, he called his grandparents (my parents). He told them he was in jail because his girlfriend (with whom he has two kids, 6 years old and 8 months old) had accused him of aggravated assault. They dislike her, so they believed him.

I learned the real reason for his arrest when I called the jail. It wasn't assault; it was two counts of driving without a license, and two counts of failing to appear in court. When I approached my mother about this, she got mad at ME, and now she's not speaking to me. Was I right to let her know her grandson was trying to use her again, or do I owe her an apology? -- HEARTBROKEN IN VIRGINIA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: There's a saying that in ancient times it was dangerous to give Caesar bad news, because it was his habit to kill the messenger. Your mother could not have been thrilled to hear what you had to say, so instead of aiming her anger where it belonged -- at her grandson -- she's taking it out on you. You don't owe your mother an apology; she owes you one.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 18 years and have two children. I come from a humble background. My husband's family is very well-to-do. I try to be as nice to them as I can, but his mother, sister and brother treat us like we don't exist.

If we are invited for a family get-together, they don't speak to either of us. If they have something to communicate, they talk around us.

How should I deal with this? They act as if we are not their family. It breaks my heart to see them be mean to my children. They seem to think that money is everything.

I think my husband's mother and sister may be the problem. I can't continue to let them walk all over me. Please give me some insight. I have no one to talk to. -- ON THE OUTSIDE IN INDEPENDENCE, KAN.

DEAR ON THE OUTSIDE: It would have been helpful if you had been able to explain why your husband's family has been so cold and unwelcoming. Whatever the reason, if they have not accepted you after 18 years of marriage to your husband, it is not likely to happen now. For your own happiness, and that of your children, strictly limit or eliminate your visits with the in-laws. Once you stop seeking their approval, your life will improve.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old graduate student who is working on my Ph.D. in genetics at a large, well-respected university. My great-aunt and I are arguing over the use of "Dr." in the non-academic world.

I say that I'll be allowed to call myself "Doctor Jones" when I graduate, having gone through a great deal of effort to gain that title. She disagrees, and insists that only MDs are allowed to call themselves "Doctor." Who is right? All of my professors use "Doctor" in all situations, regardless of whether they have an M.D. or Ph.D. -- ALMOST DR. JONES

DEAR ALMOST DOCTOR: Your aunt is well-meaning but misinformed. Once having earned your doctorate, you are entitled to be introduced as "Doctor" if you wish, and to be addressed as "Doctor" in formal situations.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am an independent VIP escort -- 48 years old, although I look 10 years younger than my age. I have grown kids who don't know what I do.

One of my clients, a married doctor, was very kind to me. He confided that he and his wife hadn't made love in 10 years and were only living parallel lives. We enjoyed each other so much we started having dinner dates. When I told him I wanted to get out of the business, he offered to help.

He leased a beautiful apartment for me not far from his office and gave me a small job I could do from home until I found work. I then saw him exclusively. We discussed marriage, and I never really looked for work, assuming that we would be together.

After four months, I convinced him to call his wife and tell her about our relationship, figuring she would be so angry she'd divorce him. Now he says he won't support me anymore and won't see me, either. They are in counseling! I want to contact him. I know he wants me because we were so good together. But I'm afraid of rejection. What should I do? -- CAST AWAY IN PATERSON, N.J.

DEAR CAST AWAY: I have a short "to-do" list for you:

1. Wake up and smell the coffee. The doctor has made his choice, and it's not you.

2. Find a legitimate job so you won't have to hide from your kids, because, Sister, you're on your own.

DEAR ABBY: All of my friends have a special pet that sticks to them like glue. I'm talking about a "waiting-at-the-door-until-they-get-home-from-school" kind of pet.

I have two dogs and two cats. Buttons and Bamboo are my two dogs, and Jasmine and Midnight are my two cats. Buttons likes my grandfather, Bamboo likes my mom, and my cats can't come inside.

I asked my parents if I could have another pet, a pet of my own that would stick only by MY side. They looked at each other and said, "OK, if you get rid of the ones you have." But I love all of them, Abby. I can't bear to give any of them away. What should I do? -- LONELY GIRL IN FORT SMITH

DEAR LONELY GIRL: Instead of getting yet another pet, it's time for you to take a more active part in the lives of the ones you already have. Make it your job to feed them. When you return from school, make some special time to take the dogs out, exercise them and play with them. Once it becomes routine, they'll look forward to their special time with you and be excited when you get home.

DEAR ABBY: I just became engaged to my boyfriend of two years. We plan to be married in October. My boyfriend and I have agreed to have an old-fashioned church wedding and, of course, a white wedding dress. But our wedding will be in October and Labor Day is in September, and I never wear white after Labor Day.

My boyfriend insists I should wear white. He says there is an exception to every rule, but I disagree, and we don't want to change our wedding date. Can you tell me what to do? -- BRIDE WITH NO DRESS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR BRIDE: Please do not be concerned about breaking a fashion rule. A white wedding dress signifies that it is the bride's first marriage. Because you have not been married before, you may wear a white bridal gown regardless of what time of year your wedding is held. The sales people at your local bridal shop will be happy to guide you in making your selection.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)