DEAR ABBY: I need advice with a problem I have regarding our basset hound, "Sherlock." I bought Sherlock for my husband, "Ken," a year and a half ago. Ken loves the dog, and so does my 18-year-old daughter, "Gretta," who lives with us.

When I bought Sherlock, the understanding was that he would be cared for by my husband and daughter. This is not what happened. I do 90 percent of the feeding, cleaning up after him, taking him to the groomer, the veterinarian, etc. We also have a cocker spaniel, "Lulu," we have had since our Gretta was 3. Lulu has also been my responsibility for the most part. Ken and Gretta play with the dogs, and I "get" to do almost everything else.

Abby, I am not a dog lover; I am a dog "liker." I feel used and resentful. I want to give Ken an ultimatum: Care for Sherlock or find another home for him. Am I being unreasonable? I feel guilty thinking about doing this, because Sherlock was a Christmas gift to my husband, but I just don't want to continue this way. Ken works full time, as do I, but he commutes two hours each day. Asking him and Gretta to share in the care of the dogs has done no good. Any advice would be appreciated. -- USED AND RESENTFUL IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR USED AND RESENTFUL: Stop feeling used and resentful and look in the mirror. Why did you buy a second dog after seeing that your husband and daughter didn't care for the one you already had? You put yourself in this pickle.

Please reconsider shrugging off the responsibility for Sherlock. There are alternatives to getting rid of him. A neighborhood teen could be hired to walk him. A pet service could provide transportation to the vet or the groomer. Finding another home for him should be only your last resort.

Focus on the bright side. Since you and your husband have full-time jobs, and your daughter is busy with her own schedule, it's just as well that you have two dogs because they have each other for companionship.

DEAR ABBY: Thirty years ago my mother-in-law, "Grace," suddenly changed. She began accusing her husband of cheating on her and trying to poison her. She made his life miserable until he passed away. After the funeral, we moved Grace into a house next door to ours.

Things were OK for a while, then she started up again. According to Grace, everyone has been trying to kill her. She has alienated almost the entire family because of her accusations, and she has called the police several times because she thinks everyone is stealing from her.

A few months ago, Grace had surgery. I stayed with her until she was back on her feet. Now she says I am trying to poison her, and have people come in and steal her stuff when she's outside.

My husband, her only child, is very upset and has forbidden me to go over there anymore. Grace is 83, but age has nothing to do with it. This started when she was in her early 50s.

Can somebody suggest what we can do? We love her dearly and we're at our wits' end. -- TEARFUL IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TEARFUL: Your mother-in-law needs a psychiatric evaluation. Her son should make sure her doctor understands what's been going on before she goes for the exam. The symptoms you describe indicate she may be mentally ill.

CONFIDENTIAL TO AFRAID TO FALL: Please don't give up yet. Keep in mind that every failure is a stepping-stone to success.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 36-year-old married woman. "Vern" and I have been married for 10 years and are childless by choice. We have had our share of problems, but for the most part, I've learned to put them in perspective.

Eight months ago, I started flirting with a guy at work. "Jason" is married with two small children. At first the flirtation seemed harmless. The next thing I knew, we were having a hot-and-heavy affair.

I have never been so drawn to any man. I became convinced that feeling this way about Jason meant I was no longer in love with Vern, so I left my husband.

Vern was devastated. I didn't tell him there was someone else. I said I was unhappy, which was the truth. I got my own place, and the affair continued until Jason's wife became suspicious. Then Jason started pulling back. He said he was worried about not being able to see his kids.

Finally, Jason told me he thought it would be a good idea for me to go back to Vern. I begged him to change his mind and said I'd be his other woman for as long as it takes. I was so in love. He made me laugh, listened to me, and made me feel special. He was everything my husband wasn't.

I am now back with Vern. I care for him, but the spark is long gone. He goes out of his way to make things right for me, but he no longer trusts me because he's heard rumors. I want our marriage to work, but all I do is think about Jason. What should I do? -- CONFUSED IN ALASKA

DEAR CONFUSED: While you're thinking about Jason, please remember that although he was amusing and a good listener, and the chemistry was strong, he was also a liar and a cheater. He may have made you feel special, but when the chips were down, his wife and children were more important to him.

Your husband wasn't born yesterday. He still loves you. Vern took you back in spite of the rumors. You now have a second chance -- but only if you reorganize your priorities. If you want your marriage to work, you and Vern will have to admit that you had issues before you moved out, and seek professional counseling to work on them.

DEAR ABBY: I have known "Jerry" for four years. We met through my ex-boyfriend, "Paul." We have been dating for about nine months.

Paul and I have a child together; our daughter, "Elise," just turned 5. My ex and I rarely speak to each other, and when we do, it's only about Elise.

I love Jerry with all my heart and would never cheat on him. How can I convince him that I am no longer interested in Paul? Whenever we have an argument, he says, "Go back to Paul -- maybe he can make you happy."

Would I be out of line if I told Jerry, "If you don't like the idea of my talking to my child's father, there's the door, and don't let it hit you on your way out"? We don't even live together, and he's trying to control me. How do you think it would be if we started living together -- which we have discussed? -- ANGRY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ANGRY: Jerry is insecure. Since you love him, do not give him an ultimatum. Because you share a child with Paul, there will always be contact of some sort. If Jerry is going to build a future with you, he will have to accept that fact. Do not live with him until he is mature enough to do so.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Mara," is 13. She's pregnant and refuses to tell her parents because she says they will go crazy. I keep telling her that telling her parents is what she should do, but she just won't listen.

Mara told me she's going to run away and has asked me to go with her. I would, because she's my best friend, but then I think she should stay because she's having a baby, and if that baby doesn't get enough food and stuff it could be harmed. I'm very confused. What should I do? -- CONFUSED LITTLE GIRL IN OHIO

DEAR CONFUSED: Running away is no solution. If ever there was a time a child needed her parents, this is one of them. Mara's parents may be disappointed, but they will NOT "go crazy." Urge your friend again to tell her parents, and volunteer to be with her when she does. (An alternative would be to tell your mother, and ask your mother to accompany Mara when she gives them the news.)

P.S. You are a caring friend with a good head on your shoulders. I hope Mara calms down and listens to you, because you're absolutely correct that medical care during pregnancy can be vital in delivering a healthy baby.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced 15 years. Recently my daughter, "Janelle," gave birth to a beautiful baby girl -- my first grandchild.

I have put up with a lot from my ex's family over the years, but did it to keep the door open for my children's sake.

Janelle is staying with me these first few weeks of her baby's life, so I told my ex and his family they were welcome to come over any time.

Janelle and I were looking at an old family album that contained her baby pictures and left it out on the coffee table. That night, I went out for about an hour while my ex-mother-in-law, sister-in-law and niece came to visit. When I returned I asked if they had seen the album -- and they said they had. The next morning, I was leafing through the album again, and I am missing six pictures! It had to be them because the album was full the day before. What should I do? -- DISGUSTED IN ARIZONA

DEAR DISGUSTED: Call the "ladies" and ask if, perhaps, they "inadvertently" picked up some of your daughter's baby pictures. Ask that they be returned and volunteer to have copies made for them. If they won't own up to taking them, then pray you can locate the negatives. And in the future do not invite them to your home.

DEAR ABBY: Every summer my family rents a condo at the beach. It's about a two-hour drive and we stay for a week. I am allowed to invite two friends.

This year I made two great friends, Erin and Matt. We are all three best friends. Erin is allowed to come to the condo, but judging on how she has been in the past, I don't think Matt's mother will allow him to go because he is a boy.

My mom said he is welcome, because she knows we are not going to do anything nasty. All three of us get good grades. We are very responsible, and don't like each other in "that" way. I don't see the problem. How can I convince Matt's mom to let him be with us? -- TRACEY IN TAMPA

DEAR TRACEY: You can't. However, your mother might be able to. Ask her to phone Matt's mother, extend the invitation, and assure her that if she allows her son to go, he will be well-supervised. Then cross your fingers.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)