DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Mara," is 13. She's pregnant and refuses to tell her parents because she says they will go crazy. I keep telling her that telling her parents is what she should do, but she just won't listen.

Mara told me she's going to run away and has asked me to go with her. I would, because she's my best friend, but then I think she should stay because she's having a baby, and if that baby doesn't get enough food and stuff it could be harmed. I'm very confused. What should I do? -- CONFUSED LITTLE GIRL IN OHIO

DEAR CONFUSED: Running away is no solution. If ever there was a time a child needed her parents, this is one of them. Mara's parents may be disappointed, but they will NOT "go crazy." Urge your friend again to tell her parents, and volunteer to be with her when she does. (An alternative would be to tell your mother, and ask your mother to accompany Mara when she gives them the news.)

P.S. You are a caring friend with a good head on your shoulders. I hope Mara calms down and listens to you, because you're absolutely correct that medical care during pregnancy can be vital in delivering a healthy baby.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced 15 years. Recently my daughter, "Janelle," gave birth to a beautiful baby girl -- my first grandchild.

I have put up with a lot from my ex's family over the years, but did it to keep the door open for my children's sake.

Janelle is staying with me these first few weeks of her baby's life, so I told my ex and his family they were welcome to come over any time.

Janelle and I were looking at an old family album that contained her baby pictures and left it out on the coffee table. That night, I went out for about an hour while my ex-mother-in-law, sister-in-law and niece came to visit. When I returned I asked if they had seen the album -- and they said they had. The next morning, I was leafing through the album again, and I am missing six pictures! It had to be them because the album was full the day before. What should I do? -- DISGUSTED IN ARIZONA

DEAR DISGUSTED: Call the "ladies" and ask if, perhaps, they "inadvertently" picked up some of your daughter's baby pictures. Ask that they be returned and volunteer to have copies made for them. If they won't own up to taking them, then pray you can locate the negatives. And in the future do not invite them to your home.

DEAR ABBY: Every summer my family rents a condo at the beach. It's about a two-hour drive and we stay for a week. I am allowed to invite two friends.

This year I made two great friends, Erin and Matt. We are all three best friends. Erin is allowed to come to the condo, but judging on how she has been in the past, I don't think Matt's mother will allow him to go because he is a boy.

My mom said he is welcome, because she knows we are not going to do anything nasty. All three of us get good grades. We are very responsible, and don't like each other in "that" way. I don't see the problem. How can I convince Matt's mom to let him be with us? -- TRACEY IN TAMPA

DEAR TRACEY: You can't. However, your mother might be able to. Ask her to phone Matt's mother, extend the invitation, and assure her that if she allows her son to go, he will be well-supervised. Then cross your fingers.

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DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Herbert" for 27 years, and even though we have had our ups and downs -- mostly due to his verbal abuse -- I thought we were relatively happy.

I went to visit my parents for a week. When I returned, I was telling Herb about a major and exciting change in my relationship with my father, when out of the blue he said, "You know, a guy can't help but wonder what it would have been like to have married someone knock-down, drop-dead gorgeous."

I was dumbfounded. When I got up and left the room, Herb became angry and said I must not be "mature" enough to hear his innermost thoughts. Abby, where does a question like that come from? How could I have handled what he said without taking it personally? Am I missing any hidden red flags here? What would you have said? -- FLABBERGASTED IN OHIO

DEAR FLABBERGASTED: You're not missing any red flags with your husband. In the first sentence of your letter you labeled him verbally abusive, and your assessment is on target. Considering that you were sucker-punched, I'd say you handled the situation with great restraint and maturity. A lesser woman would have replied, "And what makes you think you have what it takes to attract, or to keep, a woman like that?"

DEAR ABBY: I am 38 and have never married. When I was in my 20s (and in much better shape) I was looking to settle down and -- hopefully -- marry someone. The women at the time ignored me. I was flat out told things like, "You're nice, but boring." And, "I'll never date a poor guy again."

I have often felt, and still do, that women look for the "bad boy" or the guy with deep pockets. However, it seems that now they're past their prime and have the two kids the bad boy left them with, I am now good enough -- even though I haven't changed. I have had more female "encounters" in my 30s than I ever did in my 20s.

How do you determine the legitimate ones from the ones who just want you to help raise their kids? If I wasn't good enough for them then, why should they be good enough for me now? -- NOT THE CONSOLATION PRIZE, CHESTERTON, IND.

DEAR NOT: If you are still seeing women as shallow as the ones you tried to date in your 20s, you should not involve yourself with any of them. From the tone of your letter, I suspect you will be happier remaining single.

DEAR ABBY: What is proper etiquette when a person at another table in a restaurant is loudly using profanity?

Last night, my wife and I were enjoying a nice dinner, until a man at a nearby table -- well within earshot of small children -- began using four-letter words to describe his recent conquests.

Should I have said something? Should I have told the manager? Or should I have kept my mouth shut and let the mother of the small children speak up? -- ROB IN DUARTE, CALIF.

DEAR ROB: The diplomatic way to have handled it would have been to ask the manager of the restaurant to move you to another table. Had you attempted to rebuke the offender, he might have become combative.

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DEAR ABBY: I work in a hotel where many people pass through our lobby each day. We have great guests, but we also get our share of strange or questionable people, too. It's not uncommon for police to send us information or inquire about criminals of various sorts who stop over at hotels. And, for the record, it doesn't matter how posh the hotel is, either.

My letter concerns parents who allow very young children to come to the front desk alone, or to hang out in the lobby. I have seen scantily clad young teens in swimsuits walk by. These girls have no clue that they're being ogled by 40-plus businessmen in suits who make off-color comments about their bodies.

It's also not unusual to see 4- and 5-year-olds get on and off the elevators alone because their parents don't feel like coming to the desk to pick up items.

Why, then, do we wonder how our kids are snatched up so easily by predators?

Hotel staff are here to serve and be helpful, but we cannot serve as baby sitters. We are often multitasking, so no one should assume we have an eye on your child. How are we to know whether the 50-year-old man pulling your 12-year-old daughter aside and whispering something in her ear is her dad -- or a pervert?

When children go missing, we staff members get screamed at by parents insisting that we should have seen something suspicious about the person the child was last seen with. Well, here's the simple answer: We're employed to conduct hotel business, not monitor children. When the telephone rings, we must answer and take a reservation. Our attention cannot be on your child when there is a lobby bustling with activity, a line of five or more guests checking in and out, someone on the inside line requesting more pillows or questioning a bill, and our outside lines are ringing off the hook. -- FRUSTRATED AT THE FRONT DESK

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I understand and sympathize. Part of the problem may be that the hospitality industry has been so successful in making guests feel at home away from home, that people forget they are NOT at home. An illustration would be a recent item on the television news here in California. An attractive young woman entered her upscale hotel and decided to dash into the powder room off the main lobby. She was unaware that a man followed her into the hotel through the lobby and into the bathroom. The only thing that saved her from his sexual assault was that another woman happened to enter the bathroom.

Signs posted in every hotel room warn guests to verify the identity of strangers before admitting them. In the interest of safety, travelers should never let their guard down, and parents should remain vigilant.

DEAR ABBY: My son, who is 19, went to his aunt and uncle's during the New Year's holidays. They live 3 1/2 hours away from us. On his way back home, he got a speeding ticket.

Do you think we were wrong to make him return his Christmas gifts as punishment? His ticket cost $970 including attorney's fees. Our son thinks we were out of line. -- DISGUSTED IN GEORGIA

DEAR DISGUSTED: The punishment should fit the crime -- and in this case, I don't think it did. Rather than returning his Christmas gifts, a better "punishment" would have been for him to repay the money you fronted on his behalf.

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